


My Heart Will Go On

by Beeexx



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Titanic Fusion, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Fluff and Smut, Love Confessions, M/M, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:34:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 67,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22753306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beeexx/pseuds/Beeexx
Summary: Poe Dameron is slowly drowning, stuck in a place he doesn't want to be, he wants nothing more than to escape his life.Finn is finally free of England and on his way to America, to start a new life, something he's been waiting all his life for. Freedom.But then they meet and both their lives change forever.The Titanic au no one asked for but I wrote anyway.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 23
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Poe is Rose and Finn is Jack but also not. This run away from me and here we are, months later with a Titanic au no one even asked for. Apparently my brain thought it fitting... 
> 
> I need to mention that the chapters will contain some homophobic slur, mentions of drug use and some violence. I There is not too much of it but if you feel any of it can trigger you then do what feels best for you <3
> 
> A massive thanks to Nat who took on this HUGE project and whose comments are always as helpful as they are insightful. This wouldn't have seen the light of day if it wasn't for you!

Finn glances nervously at the clock. It’s a quarter to twelve and he cannot understand how Rey managed to fool him into this game of poker. They are going to lose and all his dreams about going to America are going to come crashing down right here in this stupid pub in Southampton, even before he’s gotten on the ship. He glares at Rey as he folds his cards in defeat, he’s out. The guy to his left smirks, now confident that he’s going to win all of Finn’s hard earned money and get to board the ship of Dreams. Finn might as well hand over all his hopes for the future in this moment, the boat leaves in less than fifteen minutes, and he doesn’t stand a chance now.. He’s starting to sweat, and dabs nervously at his forehead. Shit. 

Rey looks calculatingly at the rest of the players, the guy, Fabrizio to her left laughs as he shows his cards. Three of a kind of Kings. Finn is officially screwed. He groans, because he sees no point in hiding his disappointment, they’ve lost. Rey looks at the guy again and Finn sees it in her face. She can’t beat that.

“I’m sorry boys.” She starts off.

“How did I allow you to talk me into this?” Finn says and crosses his arms in anger. Fabrizio and Jack laugh, celebrating their victory. Finn wants to strangle Rey so badly right now. This is the worst kind of trouble she’s ever gotten him into. Rey ignores him.

“It looks like you won’t need the tickets after all.” She smirks and puts down her cards. A full house is glaring at Finn and he can’t believe what he’s seeing.

“No fucking way!” Rey laughs and their eyes meet and Finn cheers so loud the neighbouring table shushes him. Finn doesn’t fucking care because Rey did it! He’s going to America!

“I can’t believe you!” Finn exclaims. Rey grins and starts collecting all of the money and their tickets. 

“Unbelievable.” Jack mutters. 

“You cheated.” Fabrizio says. Rey stops what she’s doing and turns around, her glare ice cold. Finn is a little impressed that he dares to cross her right now, Rey’s glares are not to be taken lightly, Finn is well aware of that.

“Excuse me.” She crosses her arms defensively and Jack stands up. Finn knows what’s coming next, this situation one they have been in many times together before. He stands up too and prepares. They exchange a glance, a wordless conversation passes between them and Finn gets ready. 

“You heard me, give them back to me.” Jack says and Finn moves at the same time Rey does. She pours the drink all over Jack’s face, who splutters and takes a step back in surprise.

“Bitch!” And he advances. Finn knows Rey can take care of it herself and he gets ready for Fabrizio who advances on him. On his left Rey knocks Jack on the head and pushes him backwards, he stumbles, out of balance, and falls to the ground. Finn swings his arm back and the bags he’s holding connects with Fabrizio’s stomach, he goes tumbling, out of breath and down to the floor with a loud crash. Rey collects the rest of the money and snatches the tickets. Finn, he grabs their bags, and then he grabs a hold of Rey’s arm and they run out of the bar. Finn can’t even bring himself to care about the fight, he’s going to America!

“Finn, let go of my hand!” Rey shouts. Finn ignores her and continues on. They are in a hurry. 

“Finn!” He takes mercy on her and lets it go. Rey has issues with hand holding and Finn enjoys from time to time to rile her up about it. They run as fast as they can and almost knock straight into a carriage that’s trying to cross the busy road. Finn manages to duck in the last minute and he can hear Rey’s laughter behind him. She’s fine, and Finn continues running. He sees it then. The ship. Finn almost stops short at the sight of it. It’s the biggest ship he’s ever seen in his life.

“Wow.” He hears Rey say behind him. Wow indeed. 

“We have to hurry.” Finn reminds her, and they take off again. When they make it to the entrance, out of breath and sweating, Finn doesn’t even care about that, he’s much too busy insisting that they don’t have any flees. The ticket collector looks at them skeptically, but doesn’t say anything, just stamps their tickets and lets them board. Finn starts laughing and Rey shortly joins him, as they make their way further down to the smell of disinfectant and newly painted walls. Everything smells new and fresh. The walls painted a clear white and a rushing sensation comes to Finn. He’s finally going to leave. It’s hard to believe America is now his future. They find their cabin shortly after, stumbling along the narrow corridors, laughing and trying not to knock into too many people. It’s hard. They are acting like kids again, giddy and smiley and laughing as if they were drunk. The cabin is small, bunk beds and a shared bathroom with the cabin next door. But Finn is not going to complain, this is better than many of the places he’s spent most of his adult life in.

“I call dibs on the lower bunk.” He rushes towards it and throws his bag on it before Rey can. Rey glares, but it disappears from her face soon enough and she laughs and rolls her eyes. But she doesn’t fight him on it and that’s a win for Finn. 

“Come on let’s get up to the deck.” Finn nods and follows her out. They run some more because the happiness is taking over everything and he doesn’t feel tired, not even after running about what feels like twenty stairs to get to the top. They stop when they’re not allowed to go any higher and elbow their way to the edge of the bannister. It’s sunny and it seems fitting for a day of departure. Around them people are waving and crying and cheering and Finn joins in. Not that he has anyone to say goodbye to or because he will miss England much but it seems like the right thing to do, waving goodbye to his past life and welcoming his new one.

“Goodbye!”

“I will miss you.” Rey shouts.

“I won’t miss Mrs. Crane!”

“I won’t miss that bitch either!” 

Finn laughs and Rey joins in and then they wave some more and join in with the other people.

Life starts now.

XXXX

It’s later in the afternoon and the weather is still warm enough to be sitting outside without a jacket. Finn revels in it, and can’t wait to leave the long and cold winter behind him. Rey is lounging on the bench beside him, stretched out and eyes closed. It’s probably a little indecent but Finn is not going to say anything. 

He looks up and that’s when he sees him. He’s in first class, Finn picks that up immediately. 

But that’s not what makes his heart stop.

The man is a few years older than him, dark curly hair that blows in the wind, it gives him an impression of unruliness, like he isn’t really meant to fit up there in first class. Finn notices his eyes, brown and glazed over and full of pain. But even so, they almost look green in the sunlight. He has dark skin and wears a suit that Finn can see from where he is probably cost more than all the money he’s ever owned in his life. He carries a small light brown dog in his arms and has a cigarette behind his ear. He’s breathtakingly beautiful and Finn’s brain short circuits for a moment. He looks like a painting, one of those Victorian ones Finn once saw in a library. 

He can’t look away though and he doesn’t know why. Yet Finn notes that he looks inexpressible sad, and he doesn’t understand what a rich man like him has to look so defeated over. An older man comes up to him, he’s wearing a red velvet coat and has white slicked back hair. He gives the perfect impression of composed, calm but also slightly threatening man, the type of person Finn has tried to avoid for most of his life. He walks with purpose, demanding respect. 

But where Poe’s eyes were distant, this mans’ are cold and calculating, ever so watchful. Long slender fingers are placed on the other man’s arm and Finn immediately doesn’t like him. There’s something about him that sets something off within Finn. He can see them talk, the attractive man looking more unhappy with every moment, but by the time the conversation is over, he seems defeated enough over something and he nods solemnly. The man leaves after a while and Finn’s interest is piqued, he wonders what that was all about. Suddenly the man’s eyes turns to his and Finn freezes. He tries to look away but finds that he can’t. The guy frowns, but not in a hostile way, he looks more confused.

“Finn.”

Finn continues to look, now that he gets to look at his whole face he never wants to look away.

“Finn!” 

It’s not until Rey sits up and blocks the view of him that Finn’s snapped out of his thoughts.

“W-what?” He says confused. Rey looks at what he was looking at and Finn blushes.

“Oh my God.” Rey throws her head back and laughs.

“Shut up.” He mutters defensively. 

“I can’t believe you.” 

“Shut up, I said.” He punches her lightly on the arm and she falls dramatically down on the uncomfortable wooden bench.

“I didn’t say anything.” She giggles.

“You didn’t have to.”

“Well we’re on our way to America, you might as well start early I guess.”

Finn doesn’t reply but does glance up to first class and sees the man has gone. Oh well, Finn will probably never see him again. Rey sits back up and nudges his shoulder.

“That was Poe Dameron, if you were wondering.” Finn looks disbelievingly at her.

“What? How do you know?”

“I recognise his face from the papers. He’s been all over them recently. And if you’re to believe what they say he’s gotten a bit of a reputation lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“He inherited a fortune when his parents died and he has declined all the marriage offers he’s ever gotten to go travel around Europe instead. Apparently he’s agreed to go back to America to settle down after years of avoiding it.”

“You really shouldn’t believe everything the papers say.” He chides. Rey rolls her eyes.

“It’s not like there was much else to do in London anyway.”

“Poe Dameron, you say.” He says thoughtfully after a while. Rey smirks.

“Indeed, most sought after bachelor on the East Coast if you are to believe the papers. Has a bit of a bad boy reputation and has dipped his toes in this and that, not all appropriate for a man of his status I understand.”

“Like what?” Finn asks, his interested even more piqued, he can’t help it. Rey opens her mouth -

“Kids, you really shouldn’t believe all what the papers say.” A man says. Rey and Finn both turn around, Finn’s cheeks heating in embarrassment. The man is sporting an impressive grey beard, that’s what with Finn notes first, the hood he’s wearing covering up most of his face. His hair is sticking out everywhere, long and uncombed, and Finn thinks it might need a haircut. He wears a big overcoat and looks like someone who can afford not to give a damn about his appearance. He sits down uninvited and Rey frowns. 

“When you have that kind of status in life the papers like to make up their own things about you, makes it hard to live with from time to time I am guessing.”

“As if a man like that has any struggles in his life.” Rey says. Finn winces, Rey has this tendency to be hostile towards other people before they pass her own made up test she conducts with them. But the man laughs, and doesn’t seem to mind their rudeness.

“You’d be surprised, young lady. Appearances might not always be what they seem.” He winks and pats Finn on the cheek before he gets up and walks off, leaving just like that. Rey gives Finn a cofunded look, and he agrees, what the hell? But his brain repeats the last word said, stuck on the part about appearances, hitting a spot in him. He chooses not to think too closely about it, it might show on his face.

“Americans are strange.” Rey says and Finn couldn’t agree more.

XXXX

Poe feels a little like he’s in a bubble. Everything is distant and diffuse, and the world has blurred so much he isn’t sure what’s real and not. He feels stuck in a strange sense of limbo, unable to make the glass wall shatter so he can go back to the world of living.

He’s been staring into the mirror, for how long he doesn’t know, but there is a consistent knocking on the door that’s beginning to sound desperate. At least he thinks it’s the door. The razor has been hanging in mid air for a long time and his hand is beginning to lose feeling. Right, the beard, he was supposed to shave it off. Palpatine had said something about looking appropriate for dinner earlier. Poe had heard it but the words hadn’t connected. He liked the beard as well, it was longer than he normally kept it and it had only gotten to this length because he had been too busy discovering Europe for the past months that he forgot to buy a razor. 

“Poe?” Leia barges in, as stressed and unsettled as Leia can be.

“Yes, Leia.” He answers. He puts the razor down, the beard can stay, it’s not too long. He will just have to cope with Palpatine’s glares throughout dinner. It’s not the worst of stunts he’s pulled with these people, not by a long shot. Poe has a very vivid memory of having to sit through a dinner after that little incident with -

“Ah there you are, sweetie.” She enters the room and Poe forces his mind to go blank. She’s already dressed for the evening, a pastel blue lace dress and a matching hat. She has a black feather tied into her hairdo and it’s a little out there but she manages to make it work somehow. She looks nice. She looks him up and down and doesn’t say anything.

“Well I like the beard.”

Poe snorts.

“Thanks.”

“You should get dressed, we don’t want to be late now.”

“Yes Leia.” He answers in a monotone voice. Right, dinner with the high end. He can’t wait. She gives him a knowing look and touches his cheek.

“Come on now, it won’t be so bad.”

He gives her a look and her mouth twitches.

“Let me do your hair.” She says instead and Poe does. He sits down by the edge of the bathtub and Leia runs a hand through his hair, much longer and unrulier than she’s used to seeing. He might have let it go a little on his travels, not caring too much about how it laid and looked. She pulls at it again and his eyes fall shut, a very nice feeling of it being touched again. She gets to work and by the time it’s dinner he’s looking the most presentable he has in months. He hates it. He wears a dark blue suit and a matching waistcoat. It makes him feel stuffy and like he can’t move properly. He feels like he’s on display. He wears it to indulge Palpatine, who had it ordered for him when he got back to London. He thinks it might be a size too small because it’s a little too tight on him, but he keeps his mouth shut.

Bee Bee gets the usual looks as he carries the small Yorkshire Terrier through the dining hall and towards the big table in the middle. Poe doesn’t care, he won’t leave him alone while he goes and indulges in some stupid dinner that he will hate. Bee Bee will make it a little more bearable. He sits down and they are all there, Leia to his right, her son Ben Solo, Armitage Hux, Luke Skywalker of course, looking a little drunk and unshaven, Moff Tarkin Poe only knows by name but he’s good friends with Palpatine who is of course sat at the head of the table. Poe feels like he’s been left in the lion’s den, prepared to be eaten. He feels suffocated, the tie around his neck pressing into his windpipe, and he wants nothing more than the fresh air, and maybe a drink too.

“Poe, you look cleaned up. Kept the beard I see.” Palpatine comments, Poe smiles tightly and doesn’t reply. He sees Leia roll her eyes and it makes Poe feel a little better. 

“This is Moff Tarkin, an old friend of mine.” Palpatine continues and Tarkin nods stiffly at Poe and doesn’t say anything. Poe doesn’t either but it doesn’t surprise him that they are old friends, they look ridiculously similar. Ben and Hux looks at him and Poe grimaces, right, back into the company of those two. Ben is decent when he’s not hanging out with his lapdog but Poe would rather hang out with anyone in here rather than those two. Well most of them anyway. They get company, by two men called Thomas Andrews and Bruce Ismay. Poe imagines he will forget them both by the end of the night, though. 

“I hear you’ve been traveling through Europe Mr. Dameron.” Mr. Andrews says politely as he lights up a cigarette. Poe smiles politely back, the charm and learnt in behaviour finding its way back to him. He was brought up on it, he knows how to act it out, but it’s been so long since he had to be this fake that he feels a little rusty in the art of it.

“I have, yes.”

“And what do you make of it?” He’s actually a little caught of guard by the genuine interest this man seems to have in his travels. No one has asked him about it since he got back. Not even Leia.

“Oh, lovely. The art scene in Paris was something else, I must say. The Saloon held some really impressive works. We don’t get works like that in the states. Rome was not bad either, the history the place holds is truly impressive-”

“Truly.” Palpatine cuts him off. Poe shuts his mouth. Right.

“Yes, Paris is exquisite for art indeed.” Mr. Andrews says and still holds Poe’s eyes, Poe nods in gratitude. But he also likes him, Mr. Andrews is gentle and it’s a nice change compared to the people Poe is used to. He can only presume that Mr. Andrews was not originally brought up as upper middle class then, no one with money is ever very nice, Poe has learnt.

“I never understood anyone’s interested in art. It all seems rather pointless to me. Why would anyone want to spend their time looking at it?” Ben says and Poe wants to roll his eyes so hard at him. He doesn’t of course, but it’s only because he focuses on petting Bee Bee in his lap that he avoids it. Stupid brat.

“Art is not for everyone. It takes a certain mind to see the details that go into the work. But art essentially tells you a story when you look at it, and it’s up to you to make out what that is.” Poe hides his smile at Mr. Andrews words. He looks up again and says. 

“Beauty is in subtlety. Not everyone can see it.”

Ben glares and Poe sees Leia pat his arm condescendingly. 

“I’ll drink to that.” Luke declares and motions for a waiter. Poe orders a scotch and downs it as quickly as he gets it then he orders another one and ignores Palpatine’s looks. He needs something if he’s going to be able to sit all his way through this dinner. 

“She’s the largest moving object ever made by the hand of man in all of history.” Mr. Ismay says, a man with a large mustache and a rather pompous personality, eager to display his wealth and impressive the people around him.

“And our master shipbuilder, Mr. Andrews here, designed her from the keel plates up.” He continues. 

“Well, I may have knocked her together, but the idea was Mr. Ismay's. He envisioned a steamer so grand in scale, and so luxurious in its appointments, that its supremacy would  
never be challenged. And here she is… willed into solid reality.” Mr. Andrews dislikes the attention, wringing his hands uncomfortably together and eyes wavering. The waiter arrives to take their orders and Poe lights up a cigarette. Palpatine plucks it from his lips before he can even take a drag of it.

“Not now.” He says and gives the waiter a placating smile. “He’s been away for too long this one. Excuse me, we will both take the lamb, rare with the mint sauce.” And just like that it’s back to the way it always used to be, Pod nodding and Palpatine ordering him and his life around. 

“Who came up with the name Titanic, you Mr. Ismay?” Hux asks and Poe bounces his leg, missing the cigarette he never got. 

“Yes, actually. I wanted it to convey sheer size. And size means stability, luxury, safety... and of course power.” Mr. Ismay says. This time Poe does actually roll his eyes. 

“Do you know of Dr. Freud? He’s a famous psychiatrist. His ideas about the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you, Mr. Ismay.” Poe takes a sip of his wine and feels momentarily satisfaction over the stunned expression on Mr. Ismay’s face. Mr. Andrews chokes on his breadstick, suppressing laughter. 

“My boy, Europe really did a number on you.” Palpatine remarks, his face kind and smiling but his eyes ice cold. It sends shiver down his spine and he shuts his mouth, the satisfaction he’d felt long gone now. 

“Freud does have some interesting ideas, does he not?” Mr. Andrews says and Poe seems to have a found an alley in the den of lions, someone less likely to eat him. It’s strange. The conversation moves on again and when the food arrives he starts eating it mechanically, not knowing what it tastes like, not knowing if he even liked it or not. Everything is done on autopilot and Poe feels dread in his stomach at the thought of it being this way for the rest of his life. It makes his skin crawl and he feels slightly panicky at the idea of wasting away. Why did he agree to come back to America? He should have stayed in Europe like he wanted. 

The conversation turns to business and Poe zones out completely. He feels yet again as if he’s in a bubble, looking in on his life from a distance. But what scares him more is the feeling of nothingness that threatens to overtake him, he wants to scream, he wants to feel something other than this hopelessness he feels right in this moment. It scares him because it makes everything seem dull and pointless and he doesn’t know what to do about it. By the time dessert is put in front of them, he’s ready to bolt out of his chair, but somehow he doesn’t. He could never get up in the middle of dinner and leave like that. He bounces his leg impatiently and pets Bee Bee just to have something to do with his hands, and leaves the dessert untouched. He doesn’t care if he’s being impolite, he’s not eating anything more tonight. By the time the dessert is over he makes some sort of excuse he doesn’t remember a word of and leaves the room without looking back. 

XXXX

Finn is laying on his back on one of the uncomfortable benches he found on B deck earlier this evening. The sun of the day is long gone and it’s now cold and the air crispy. Finn normally doesn’t like the cold but there’s something peaceful about laying out here on his own with only the stars as company. London does not have stars like these, it’s remarkable. He lights a cigarette and looks up. His breath leaves smoke in the air and he chuckles to himself for maybe the millionth time today. He still can’t believe he’s going to America. It’s what he’s been dreaming of for so long, to finally get a fresh start without a past to tie him down. 

He’s brought out of his thoughts by a loud crashing. He sits up and waits, a little unsettled by the noise. He’s not anywhere he shouldn’t be though, this is the back of the ship and he should be allowed out here. But if he’s not, then he’s definitely screwed. He can’t have that, he hasn’t even made it a day into this journey. He hears a voice.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.” It mutters. It sounds distressed to Finn and it has an edge of desperation to it. A man stumbles past him, unsteady on his legs and Finn can clearly see that the man has been drinking. The man stumbles and almost falls, last minute steadying himself against the railing. Finn’s heart beats a little quicker, worry seeping into his veins. What if he falls overboard? The man continues on, he seems to be heading for the very end of the boat and Finn gets up. He follows, but at a distance, not wanting to make himself known yet. He should leave so he doesn’t get into trouble for this, but there is something that tells him that he can’t do that. What if something happens? 

The man swears and Finn sees him take another sip of a bottle he was apparently holding. He stumbles suddenly and falls, the back of his head hitting the railing and the bottle slips out of his hand, and falls through the crack, straight into the sea. Finn can hear it hit the sea and it’s enough to have him hurry on his feet.

“Hey, you okay?” He calls out. The man groans and Finn’s relieved to hear that he’s still alive. Finn crouches down by him and shakes him, a little worried still. 

“Hey, you gotta get up.” Finn turns his head and his whole world comes to a stop. Laying in front of him, looking dazed and out of it is the same man from earlier. Poe? Poe Dameron is his name. How the hell did this happen to Finn? 

He shakes him again, he doesn’t have time to think about who he is. He needs to make sure he’s okay.

Poe groans but he sits up, to Finn’s immense relief. 

“What happened?” He says and Finn helps steady him. He can hear the american drawl in his voice, even when sluddered with alcohol. Finn kind of likes the way it sounds on him.

“You fell and hit your head. Will you let me take a look?”

Poe seems to struggle with where to look and when he meets Finn’s eyes, Finn stops short. He’s even more beautiful up close, and now Finn can even see the small freckles his face is covered in. At this angle he can see the grey in his beard and the fading pimple just at the beginning of his hairline. Details he would have never noticed. But it’s the eyes that make Finn really stop. They look even sadder this close up, lifeless and unhappy and Finn doesn’t understand why but somehow it makes him want to help him in any way he can. He’s never felt like this with another human being before, not even Rey. But something in him stirs at seeing this man. Poe’s tie hangs loosely around his neck and he isn’t wearing a suit jacket, it must be cold for him out here like this. The waistcoat is undone and he’s looking thoroughly disheveled. But not in the way Finn usually likes his men to look when they’ve had some fun together. He immediately forces that thought deep down again, this is not the moment to think about that.

“Who are you?” Poe asks and Finn’s snapped out of his thoughts.

“Would you let me take a look at your face?” He says instead. Poe looks confused for a moment and takes a look around himself. His eyes lands on Finn’s arms, who are securely tucked around him, a little afraid that if he lets him go he’s going to go tumble to the ground head first again. Poe looks up and into his eyes again for a long moment before he nods. Finn leans back and slowly brings his hands up to Poe’s head and starts to feel his way around it. He tries not to think of how soft Poe’s hair feels in his fingers, even though there must be quite a lot of product in it to make it look this nice. He finds no blood only a bump at the back of his head. He presses down a little and Poe winces. 

“You might want to ice this later. It will help avoid the massive headache you will probably have.” He takes his hands away, already missing the feeling of Poe’s hair underneath them.

“Right.” Poe says and he sounds a little out of breath. Poe starts moving then and Finn is confused when he takes off his shoes, throws them away and leans back into Finn. He thinks the last bit of it is done unconsciously. 

“Let’s get you to your feet, yeah?” Poe nods and Finn very slowly helps him up. He’s very unsteady and it takes him a few tries to get his feet under himself. When Finn feels it’s safe to let him go he takes a step back, and sees Poe shiver at the loss of contact.

“Here.” Finn says and takes off his jacket. Poe looks confused.

“What?” He stutters. Finn wonders if he’s never been handed a jacket before, is that not something posh people have handed to them all the time?

“You look cold, take my jacket. It will keep you warm.”

“What about you?”

“Oh I’m fine.” He lies and forces himself to stand very still and not shiver in the cold wind. Poe looks even more confused but he takes the jacket and puts it on, it’s a little too big on him and he disappears underneath it. Somehow that makes Finn feel a little less cold and a little better. He looks more protected now. 

“Can I ask about the shoes?” Finn looks at the discarded shoes on the ground. Poe looks as well, like he’s forgotten all about them.

He shrugs. “Just didn’t like them.” 

Finn can’t help but chuckle at the childishness of the comment. Like it was really that simple. Poe looks at him again and frowns, like he did earlier, but with the same kind of confusing edge to it.

“Do I know you from somewhere?”

“No, afraid not.” Finn says. Is that a lie? He doesn’t think it is. Poe studies him some more but seems satisfied with the answer and turns his back to him.

“Where did my bottle go?” He looks around for it and Finn grimaces.

“Right, the bottle fell into the sea.”

“Really?” Poe makes his way over to the end of the railing and leans over, Finn’s heart jumps, afraid that Poe will fall over.

“That bottle got more lucky than me.” He can hear Poe say. Finn takes a step closer, aware of what would happen if Poe fell.

“Hey, don’t say that.” He takes another step towards him, tries and not make it obvious that he’s hovering.

“It’s the truth. You think the fall would kill you if you jumped?” He asks and leans a little further down. Fuck, Finn thinks desperately.

“You ever swim in cold water before?” Finn asks, just to distract him. It works for a moment and Poe looks at him.

“No, I don’t know how to swim.”

“Oh, well, I went swimming once with my friend Rey in Brighton. We snuck onto the train and managed to hide all the way there. That water wasn’t as cold as this though and yet when we went in it it felt like a thousand daggers were stabbing me all over. It’s hard to breathe in water this cold, and if you ended up in this you wouldn’t last very long before you died.”

“No?”

“No, I reckon it’s below zero, humans aren’t meant to be in waters that cold.”

“How do you know?”

“Oh, I read it somewhere.” Finn says a little self consciously. Poe studies him and his lip twitches, it makes his eyes look a little more alive for a moment. 

“I see.”

“Why were you considering joining your bottle?” He asks kindly. Poe shrugs.

“Better that than what my future holds.” Finn’s heart tugs, uncomfortably and sadly. This man is young and honestly really attractive, and even though that’s completely besides the point, Finn wishes he could understand what makes him think that way about his life. Poe leans forward again and puts a socked foot on the railing.

“Poe…” Finn says, alarmed at the turn this is taking. He leans forward and Finn can’t help it. He steps up close and wraps an arm around Poe. Poe freezes, but he’s not moving towards the dark edge so Finn will take it.

“This is not the way.” He says gently. Poe turns around and their faces are suddenly close together. His eyes are wide and a little frantic and his breath reeks of alcohol. Finn is surprised that he’s even standing up with the amount he’s probably had.

“Let’s go back down.” He keeps his voice low and soothing, tries and convey some urgency over the situation, hoping to break through to Poe so he can join him back safely on the ground. Poe looks at him for a long time, searching his whole face before he finally nods. It seems like a whole lifetime passes between them and at the silent agreement Finn feels relief flood his whole system. Finn, still holding onto Poe, takes a slow step back and Poe comes willingly this time. But when he steps down from the railing he suddenly slips and Finn goes tumbling to the ground. His fall is somewhat eased by Poe’s body, who takes the most of it. He lets out a disgruntled cry and Finn feels a little dizzy at this close contact. He’s about to get off Poe and help him to his feet, but before he can get his bearings together, suddenly he’s violently ripped off Poe. Two officers hold onto him tightly, one of them wrestling his arm uncomfortably behind his back.

“Let go.” He tries to keep his voice calm, to hide any discomfort or anger, but he’s feeling nervous and unsettled. A little scared thinking what the outcome of this could be. “This is not what you think.” 

But how can they believe him? He suddenly understands what this looks like and dread fills his whole stomach. No. Fucking hell no. Poe’s shoes are discarded somewhere, he’s wearing Finn’s jacket and his disheveled appearance making this look like something it is clearly not. Poe’s still on the ground, breathing hard and struggling to get up. Finn is going to get arrested before he’s even made it to his new life. Everything is going to get ripped from underneath his feet when he was only trying to help.

Two new men hurriedly step out onto the deck. In his desperation Finn recognises one of the men from earlier. It’s the older one who Finn didn’t like. He gives Finn a cold once over before he helps Poe to his feet.

“Are you okay Mr. ?” One of the officers, the one holding onto Finn asks. Poe, who’s finally on his feet thanks to the man, who’s holding onto him tightly, looks around himself. His eyes meet Finn’s and Finn realises what a mistake this was. Poe’s a rich man, he would never care about someone like Finn. 

“I want this man to be arrested, don’t you see what’s going on here? Mr. Dameron was clearly attacked. A man of his class out here with a man of Mr. Dameron’s status, he wanted money, that’s all there is to the story.”

“Hey, no that’s not what happened.” Finn protests and struggles to get out of the iron grip the men have on him.

“Arrest him!”

Poe takes a step forward and puts himself between Finn and the man. He’s still a little unsteady on his feet.

“Palpatine, that’s not what happened. This is a misunderstanding. I was getting drunk with Snap and had a little too much. I went out to the deck just to get some fresh air and I fell. This man over here -” Poe points with his hand at Finn’s direction, stops short and looks at Finn for help.

“Finn.” He says. Right, he never gave him his name. Poe continues.

“Finn over here helped me. I hit my head and I’ve been disorientated ever since. I think I might have a concussion.”

That sounds a little like an overstatement but Finn keeps his mouth shut. 

The man, Palpatine, looks over Poe’s head to Finn, his face cold and calculating. Finn feels a shiver run down his spine, he really doesn’t like this man. The other man steps past Palpatine and takes a look at Poe.

“Well the boy doesn’t seem to be lying to me.” He walks up to Poe and feels around on his forehead. Poe winces again and Palpatine looks worried.

“A misunderstanding you say?” He asks Poe and Poe doesn’t flinch as he looks back at the man. Finn watches the exchange with fascination, it seems like a whole conversation passes between them before Palpatine nods.

“Let him go.” And the men step back. Finn touches his wrists, the blood flowing back allowing him to feel his hands again. He steps away from them both and glares. Bastards, the both of them, for almost ruining his life. Palpatine steps up to Poe and looks him over, he looks at the jacket he’s wearing and in dismay takes it off Poe’s shoulders. He holds it out for Finn, with the tip of his fingers, like it’s infected with something. Finn takes it off him, meeting his eyes in defiance. Palpatine holds his gaze too and Finn refuses to be the first to look away.

“Well, we best get this man back to his room. I’m sure what happened tonight was traumatising for him.” Palpatine says and steps back. He puts a hand on Poe’s back and forces him forward. Finn sees Poe sigh but he doesn’t say anything. The other man coughs and they both stop.

“Shouldn’t we reward the man. He just saved the richest man on the east coast.” He winks to Finn and Finn realises he recognizes him. It’s the same man who spoke to him and Rey earlier that day. What the fuck? What is he doing here?

“Right, right of course.” Palpatine lets go of Poe and starts rooting through his pockets.

“I don’t want your money.” Finn says before Palpatine can give him any. He stops and looks at Finn, the cold, intelligent eyes back in full force.

“Then what do you want?” He asks tightly. Finn shrugs. Nothing, not from this man anyway. 

“How about dinner as a thank you?” The other man suggests, hiding his smile. Palpatine looks appalled by the very idea and it’s only that that makes Finn accept the offer.

“Sounds perfect.” He says and smiles the biggest most fake smile he can muster up. Palpatine looks furious. 

“Splendid, tomorrow at 7 o’clock.” It’s not even a question. 

“I will be there.” Finn says and bows for dramatic effect. He looks up and Palpatine looks like he’s holding back his rage. Finn can hear Poe cough, but it looks more like he’s holding back his own laughter. He stands up straight again and smirks and Palpatine watches him, coldly back before he turns to leave, forcing Poe forward. Poe turns around silently, before he’s pushed further away from Finn. Before that happens, their eyes meet, something passes between them, and it takes sheer strength from Finn not to make a comment about it.

“Where are your shoes?” He hears Palpatine distantly ask, but they are too far away for Finn to hear Poe’s reply.

“Right, thank you gentlemen for you excellent job. I will escort the young gentleman back to his quarters.” Finn can detect some sort of sarcasm in the man’s tone and the two crew men nod and take their leave. Finn breathes a little easier knowing they are all gone now. He looks at the man, he wears a grey suit and a black overcoat. He’s dressed fancy but to Finn there is something with him that the fancy dressing can’t hide. He doesn’t know what it is though.

“Thanks.” Finn says and he means it. The man nods. 

“Luke.” He extends his hand and Finn shakes it.

“Finn.”

“So you had a run in with Mr. Palpatine then.” Finn frowns.

“Lovely man.” 

Luke’s lips twitches.

“Indeed. I always did enjoy riling him up. I get less and less of a chance these days but when an opportunity presents itself like this a man must seize it.”

“I’m happy you found this amusing.”

“Oh you would have gotten out of this one way or another I’m sure.”

Finn smiles tightly. 

“Of course.”

Luke chuckles and waits for Finn to lead the way. They walk in silence for a while.

“You don’t have a cigarette I could bum?” 

“I do.” He looks through his pockets and hands one to him. Finn leans closer to the lighter and exhales. The smoke hits his lungs and he feels himself calmed significantly by it. 

“And now you’ve met Poe Dameron as well, the papers lying or not?” Luke asks cheekily. Finn rolls his eyes.

“For the record I had no idea who he was before. That was all my friend Rey.”

“Yes, I gathered as much.”

“But he seems nice enough. Sad though.” He thinks back to their encounter and thinks that whatever is going on Palpatine seems to play a part in it all.

“He has his struggles.” 

Finn takes a drag and sees Luke light up his own. 

“And you’re a friend of his?”

Luke shrugs.

“I was friends with his parents. Poe Dameron is a different story.”

“Why?” Finn asks, confused but intrigued. Luke chuckles and gives him a look.

“It’s complicated.”

“Isn’t it always?” Finn jokes. Luke’s eyes sparkle.

“It is indeed.”

“And you’re not going to tell me.” He guesses.

“Clever man, Finn. It’s not my place but I guess you will have your own opportunity to seize tomorrow, if you’re lucky maybe you’ll find out.”

They get below deck and it’s immediately warmer. Finn relaxes and he starts making his way down below deck. Luke follows for a while before he pats Finn on his back and winks.

“It was nice to meet you, Finn. I am looking forward to getting to know you better tomorrow.”

“Likewise.” Finn replies and Luke leaves. He makes his way back on his own, the ship quiet and deserted. It’s late and people have gone to bed. Even in the third class compartment it’s silent, the excitement of the day having died down. He makes his way over to his and Rey’s room and falls into bed. He’s exhausted, the long day taking its toll on him. He falls into a dreamless sleep.

XXXX

The next morning the sun is up again. Finn wakes up with it shining into their small cabin and it roses him from sleep. After breakfast Rey and her newfound friend Rose suggest they go outside to have their coffees in the midday heat. Coming from London, the sun is not a companion Finn’s had the pleasure of having much of. It’s nice and relaxing out here, children playing and people talking, but Finn remember a little too clearly what had transpired out here yesterday. Rose, who is on her way back to America to care for her sick mother, had found them a spot that was a little more hidden than the rest, perfect for the three of them to do some talking. Rose has an older sister whose name is Paige, and she works as a waiter in first class. That’s how she had managed to score Rose and her a ticket back home. Rose is nice, Rey liked her immediately when they met and Finn’s learnt how to trust Rey’s gut feeling almost as well as his own. He likes the idea of making friends on this boat, like a little kickstarter before he gets to New York.

“So what happened to you last night, Finn? You weren’t there when I went to bed.”

He wonders if he should tell Rey what happened, but he guesses she’s going to find out sooner rather than later. He’s almost forgotten he has a dinner in first class to attend tonight.

He’s interrupted by a woman.

“Hi Paige.” Rose says. “You on your break?”

“No, I’m actually looking for a Finn.” She says. Rey’s eyes shoot upwards and Finn wants to groan. Of course. 

“Finn?” Rose asks and looks at Finn.

“Yeah I’m Finn.” Paige turns around and Finn immediately notices the similarities in the sisters.

“Hi Finn. Poe Dameron is looking for you.”

Rey gapes and Finn flushes.

“Who?” Rey asks in disbelief. Paige’s mouth twitches.

“Poe Dameron.”

“The Poe Dameron?”

“Yes, that Poe Dameron.”

“Okay stop saying his name, we all understand which Poe Dameron it is.” Finn interrupts them and Rey looks at him in disbelief.

“What the hell happened last night?”

Finn rubs at his neck self-consciously.

“I ran into him and well....”

“You what now?”

“He was very drunk and we had a chat, I didn’t think he would remember it today.” He lies. He will tell Rey about it later, when they are not so exposed to listening ears. Whatever Poe Dameron was doing out here last night doesn’t seem like something he wants to be part of spreading around.

“Wow.” Rose says. 

“Finn, why is he looking for you?” Rey looks a little on edge. Finn really wonders that too. He looks at Paige.

“Oh I don’t know, he said he wanted to talk.”

“You know him too?” Rey asks. Paige shrugs.

“Only a little. Let’s just say he’s one of the nicer people in first class.”

“Oh I bet they’re all pompous pricks.”

“Rey!” Finn glares but Rey shrugs.

“It’s only true.”

“Poe is nice enough.”

“Oh so he’s Poe now is he?” Finn glares harder and Rey glares back.

“Should I tell him this is not a good time?” Paige interrupts.

“Oh no, I’ll come.” He glares at Rey and gathers his jacket up. He follows Paige and hears Rey shout.

“Be careful!” He’s not sure exactly of what he should be careful of. He’s going for a conversation, not for anything else. He’s surprised he isn’t more nervous but something about this all makes him feel calm. He hasn’t done anything wrong after all, and if Poe wants a conversation, Finn will give it to him. When they get up to first class he soon finds he doesn’t fit well into this place. All around him people wear suits and dresses, fancy and well put together, no signs of hardship or worry in their lives. Finn very clearly stands out in his casual comfortable clothing. They get up to the sun deck and there he is. Poe Dameron and with him is the same dog from yesterday.

“Thank you Paige.” Poe says politely and Paige nods before she leaves. Poe takes a step closer and Finn notices that out of the two of them he seems to be the more nervous one. He looks tired as well, dark circles underneath his eyes and in his other hand he holds some ice that has been neatly packed into a white napkin. Finn would guess he has a hell of a hangover at the moment.

“Good morning.” Finn says, keeping his tone polite as well, but a little distant, yesterday a reminder that they are two very different people. 

But a conversation cannot hurt.

“Morning.” Poe says nervously. None of them say anything and Finn tries not to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

“Nice weather.” He says as a joke and Poe nods.

“Yes very. It might be the last we see of the sun for a while.”

“Did you invite me all the way up to first class to talk about the weather then?”

Poe winces and brings the ice back up to his head.

“No… I did want to thank you for last night though.”

“Well you don’t need to. The pleasure is all mine, it’s not every day one gets to save a prince.”

“I’m not a prince.” Poe frowns and Finn chuckles.

“You could well be if one is to believe the newspapers.” Finn wouldn’t actually know, he hasn’t read a single word about Poe. Poe groans and puts the ice back down by the table. 

“Well those things are mostly lies anyway.”

“Are they? So you’re not the richest man on the east coast then?”

“I’m not sure, probably not.” Poe’s looking more and more uncomfortable by the minute. Finn should probably take mercy on him, but he finds that this is all a little too much fun. He’s genuinely interested to see how far he can push.

“Okay, and have you declined all the marriage proposals thrown your way?”

Poe blushes. Finn’s struck a nerve it seems.

“Maybe.”

“So the rich and privileged part is all true then?” Finn doesn’t let up.

“It seems so.” Poe looks away and Finn feels a little bad, but only a little.

“Well you seem pretty decent for a rich dude I suppose.” He hopes Poe will see it a joke as well.

“Thanks. I guess?” Poe looks back at him again and Finn smirks. His attention is brought down to the dog who’s staring at Finn with big eyes, he even thinks he can detect some hostility in them. Protective of its owner maybe? Finn kind of likes that.

“You have a dog.” He comments.

“Oh yeah. Bee Bee is his name.” Poe says and flushes a little. He’s extremely flustered today, very different from the cool drunk indifference from yesterday. Finn is already a little charmed by it all. 

“Bee Bee?”

Poe shrugs.

“I’ve had him for a long time. It seemed like a fitting name when I was young.”

“I see.” Finn reaches forward, slowly, a little tentatively because he isn’t sure if the dog is going to bite him or not. Bee Bee sniffs at his hand but doesn’t do anything else. Finn takes it as permission and pets him on the head. Bee Bee tilts his head immediately, liking the affection he’s getting. Finn laughs and Poe smiles.

“He likes you.” He says.

“Yeah, how can you tell?”

“Oh, you’d be surprised, he’s an excellent judge of character.”

“Really?” Finn looks up.

“Definitely. Useful to have around in the circles I hang around in.” Poe’s eyes widen and he looks down. Was that not something he was supposed to say? Finn doesn’t actually know but he lets it slide for Poe’s benefit.

“He seems like a well raised dog.”

“He’s on his best behaviour right now, you should see him when he isn’t. He can be a real menace.”

Finn laughs, somehow that doesn’t surprise him.

“A bit like his owner I’m guessing.” Finn smirks again and Poe looks up at him in surprise, for a while it doesn’t seem like he knows what to do.

But then he smiles. It’s genuine and it’s big. He’s different like this, when he’s happy. 

“Maybe. I think Leia would agree with you.”

“Is that your mother?” 

The smile disappears from his face, completely gone and is replaced by a sadness that Finn wants to wipe off his face himself. If only he could. He realises too late he’s made a mistake. 

“No, both my parents are dead. They died when I was young. Leia was a friend of theirs and took me in after they died.”

“Oh I’m sorry.” He remembers now how Rey had said that he had inherited all their money after their death. Poe shrugs.

“It is what it is.” He says monotonically and pets Bee Bee some more, like a way to reassure himself. 

“I didn’t know my parents at all. I was raised in an orphanage.”

Poe looks up and they lock eyes, he looks sad again and he bites at his lip, Finn finds that to be extremely distracting, he forces himself to look away. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Finn.” It’s the first time he’s heard his name on his lips and he kind of wants to keep hearing it. He’s in a bad territory now and he needs to stop before he lets it get out of hand. He was supposed to come up here with a clear head and a distance to it all, not to be affected by Poe Dameron. Be careful, he thinks of Rey’s warning and tries to keep that in mind.

“It is what it is.” He echoes the words and Poe nods. They’re both silent after, looking out to the neverending sea surrounding them. It makes Finn feel small, like he’s tiny and insignificant in this big world.

“So about dinner tonight - ” Poe begins. Finn turns back to him and he’s biting his lip nervously again.

“Yes, has the invitation been retracted?” He asks jokingly.

“No, it’s all everyone is talking about. But I must warn you it can get quite tedious.”

“A dinner in first class sounds like the most exciting thing to happen in my life since I got on this boat.”

“I’m serious Finn, they might all be a little too interested in you as well. I think they might make it their personal mission to make you as uncomfortable as they can, at least some of them.”

Finn looks thoughtfully at Poe, he’s distressed again and Finn doesn’t know why. This is bad, because Finn is so intrigued by him already, who is he underneath the nerves? He wants to know more already, almost itching to uncover him. But above all he wants to understand him. How has this happened to him?

Be careful, he thinks over and over again. 

“So you’re saying if I’m there they will pay more attention to me than to you?”

Poe flinches and Finn knows he’s right. He looks at Finn and back down again, like he can’t keep eye contact out of shame.

“Y-yes that’s what will happen.” He bites at his lip again and Finn wishes he wouldn’t.

“Okay.” Finn pets Bee Bee casually and Poe looks confused.

“Okay?”

“Let them come for me, I can take it.” He says reassuringly. To be honest he’s kind of looking forward to it, to ruffle their feathers a little and keep them on their toes. It’s not often he gets a free card in being offensive.

“Finn you really don’t have to.”

“I’ll be there.”

“O-okay, if you say so.”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

Poe smiles a small little smile, can’t seem to really help it. 

“If you insist.” And Finn thinks that’s the first time he’s heard Poe make something akin to a joke.

“A joke? Or was that sarcasm I picked up? Poe Dameron knows how to joke?”

Poe smiles again. 

“Maybe.” He says and smiles, a little shyly. Finn heart tugs again. Fuck.

“So what does one do in first class then?” Finn asks and looks around. Everything is so silent and sterile, it looks a little lifeless to him. Poe looks around them as well and shrugs.

“I don’t really know, talk? Drink? Smoke?”

“Sounds exciting.”

“Very.”

Finn chuckles and starts walking, Poe doesn’t follow.

“Come on then, let’s take a walk.” He spins around when Poe follows this time. 

“Finn?” 

“Hm?” 

“I-I wanted to apologise about yesterday. I know it must seem like a very silly thing to you and I realise now when I am sober it wasn’t very… proper of me.” He’s flustered, he runs his hand through his hair and he messes up the curls, they stand up a little and it fits him better Finn thinks. It makes him look less put together.

“Something must have upset you enough to feel that desperate, I wonder if you’ll tell me why?”

Poe stumbles and Finn thinks about steadying him but he doesn’t, holds himself back and forces himself to stand perfectly still. Hands in his pockets and pretends to be completely unaffected by this man.

“Right…” Poe says. Finn smiles, was that not what was expected to ask? 

“But you won’t?” 

“Do you think you would understand it? Would you not just call me privileged and stupid for it?”

“I think you could surprise me.” Finn tilts his head and looks at Poe, really looks at him. Poe holds his eyes for a while before he looks back down at Bee Bee, shy again.

“Most people don’t appreciate surprises.” 

Finn smirks.

“I guess most people you’ve met aren’t me.”

It makes Poe chuckle a little, but there’s a redness to his cheeks.

“No that’s definitely true.”

They continue walking, first class mostly empty of people. Finn wonders where they all are.

“So what are you going to do when you’re in America then?” Finn changes the subject.

“Oh, well get married I suppose.” He grimaces as he says it and Finn stops. Poe walks into him and stumbles back, and this time Finn steadies him. He smiles and Poe actually blushes.

Finn is screwed.

“Get married? That’s all your future holds for you?”

“It seems so.” Poe says tightly. Finn smooths down his jacket and lets him go.

“There’s nothing else you’d like to do?”

“Like?”

“Well what do you like; Poe Dameron?”

Poe stops for a moment and looks at him. 

“Not many people have asked me that.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well what would you like to do in your future if you didn’t get married then, come on answer the question.”

“Okay okay.” Poe chuckles again. “I’d like to be a pilot.” 

Finn wasn’t expecting that answer.

“Really?”

“Yeah, why?” He asks a little self-consciously. 

“Well I wasn’t expecting that. You’ve managed to surprise me.” He smiles, Poe’s lip quirks.

“What, you expected something mundane and boring?”

“Yeah actually.” Finn laughs. 

“Thanks.” But Poe smiles.

“A pilot huh? That’s neat, and why is that?”

“I like the freedom, of being able to go wherever I want to whenever I want to. To see all these amazing places out there. Just me and the silence and the world.”

Finn smiles fondly.

“That makes sense. I like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” 

Poe smiles again and Finn feels a thrill go down his spine because he put it there, and a part of him really wants to continue putting it there, it’s a strange feeling, this, sudden and overwhelming. He’s never felt like this about any other person he’s met.

What is wrong with him today?

“Anything else that you like?” He continues despite his conflicted feelings.

Poe thinks it over.

“I like art.”

“Art? Like paintings and drawings?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Oh, just.... I guess I like how each individual painting tells a certain story, but that story is going to be different depending on the person. When you and I look at something we are not going to see the same thing, each of our minds will make up something different that we think will fit the narrative that we’ve made up. I like the individuality of it, and how beauty isn’t straightforward. It’s subjective, different to everyone and how it’s sometimes subtle, sometimes bold and sometimes it’s quiet and intimate. It takes different shapes and I like the way it opens up a whole new world to us.” Poe flushes again, realising how much he’s talked. But Finn doesn’t mind, he likes this, this is the Poe Dameron that hides. Finn has gotten to see a small glimpse of it and now he wants to keep peeling back the layers, to discover what hides underneath this all. Who is the actual Poe Dameron who isn’t afraid of his own shadow. He’s in there somewhere. 

“Sorry.” Poe says.

“Oh don’t be, I like listening to you. There seems to be a brain behind all that hair.” Poe smiles again and Finn has a moment to wonder if he ever laughs? All he’s gotten so far are smiles, but laughter, that seems to be a whole different ball game. 

“You sure?”

“Absolutely. Do you do any painting and drawing yourself?”

Poe bites his lip again and Finn can’t help but look.

“A little. They’re not any good though.”

“Will you show me?”

Poe’s eyes shoot upwards.

“You want to see my drawings?”

“Yeah, why not. I don’t know much about art so I couldn’t tell you if they’re good or bad but yes I would like to. If you’d let me.”

“That’s the beauty of art; though, Finn. One doesn’t have to be good or bad or have experience in it, everyone likes different things and what appeals to you might not appeal to me and vice versa.”

“Of course.” Finn smiles his eyes twinkling. 

“But yeah I’ll show you if you really want to.”

“I would.”

“Okay.”

“So lead the way.”

“Oh, you mean right now?”

“Yes right now. I don’t think I’m allowed up here for much longer.”

“Right.”

They start walking again, but don’t get very far.

“Poe.” An older woman says, with her is a young man, black hair longer than Poe’s and dark distant eyes. He wears an expression of utter contempt on his face and Finn has to hold back his laughter. He looks a little like a disgruntled cat. It’s hard to take him too seriously. Poe whirls around and Finn sees him relax. 

“Leia.” He says and his smile is genuine. He likes the woman then Finn notes. 

“Honey, I was looking all over for you. You’re needed in Palpatine’s study, something about some woman.”

Finn sees Poe’s expression falter and he wonders what it’s all about.

“Right.” He smiles tightly.

“Ben will go with you.” She says and Ben nods. Bee Bee takes one long look at Ben and growls. Finn holds back his laughter at Ben’s face of dismay. Clever dog indeed.

“Let’s get going, we don’t want to keep Palpatine waiting.” 

“Of course not.” Poe says. He looks at Finn and then he nods.

“I will see you later then, Finn.”

“You will.” Poe smiles, it’s a real one, Finn can already tell the difference between them. Poe takes one last look at him and then he takes off with Ben. Finn follows him with his eyes, feeling a little bad for having to let him go. He turns around and Leia looks at him with a knowing look.

“So you must be the famous Finn. I’ve heard very much about you.”

“Only good things I hope.”

“Oh, only good things come from saving Poe Dameron.”

“Ah, I would do it again in a heartbeat.”

She winks.

“I am sure you would. So I heard you met my brother Luke.”

“He is you brother?”

“He is indeed. Twins actually.”

“Interesting man.”

“One could say so. A bit of a scoundrel in these circles.”

“Everyone has secrets.”

“They do indeed. Rich people just enjoy bringing out your flaws more I think. Speaking of, what are you planning on wearing tonight?”

Finn looks himself up and down and then he shrugs.

“Oh honey, these vultures are already after you. You come to a black tie event dressed like that they will eat you alive.”

“I’m sure they’re not that bad.”

“Oh you’d be surprised at the viciousness of these people. They might never get a chance like this again. You’re fresh meat, son.”

“And you’re not one of them?” He raises an eyebrow and she smirks.

“I can be.”

“I see, well I guess I can look around with my friends and see if anyone has a suit.”

“Don’t be silly. Come with me. I’m sure I can find you something.”

He hides his surprise but nods. She smiles knowingly and Finn gets the distinct feeling that she’s someone who just knows things. She can take one long look at you and the answer to all your secrets will appear. Interesting woman indeed. He follows her lead and she takes him to a room that looks more like a suite to him. Dark wooden panels that give you a feeling of comfort, and more rooms than Finn has ever seen in one place. Right, rich people, he thinks. But even to Finn’s standards this room seems a little extravagant. Does she really need all these things? Leia leads him further into the maze and into her bedroom. There’s a big dresser and a mirror in there and she starts rooting through it, leaving him by the door. Being in her bedroom leaves him feeling a little uneasy, he doesn't think he should be in here.

“Ah, here we go. I knew I still kept this around.” She says and doesn’t seem to care about the implications of Finn being here. Strange woman.

He walks over to take a closer look, it’s a black suit with a white matching shirt. He runs his hand over the material, it’s cold and smooth, nicer than anything he’s ever held before. Leia holds the suit up in front of him and nods her head approvingly.

“I think this will fit you, might have to be taken up a little by the end though.”

“Will you have time for that?”

“Oh, I won’t be doing it, I will send for Alice and she’ll do it before dinner.”

“Right.” Alice, who is? A maid? Finn has no clue, these people live in a whole different world to him.

“Are you nervous?”

“No ma'am.” He says and hides his smile. Leia narrows her eyes.

“So you do have some manners then?”

“From time to time.” Leia chuckles.

“You’re funny, I like that. It’s not often the posh get the funny ones.”

“Well I’m yours for one night only.”

“Are you sure it’s just one night?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh you know what I mean.” Finn doesn’t.

“You are just going to let Poe Dameron go after one night?” She offers as an explanation.

His eyes shoot upward, affronted and a little surprised. She’s bold, he’ll give her that.

“I don’t think he’s mine to keep.” He jokes, trying to ease the tension.

“Maybe not. He’ll be someone’s to keep soon enough. At least if Palpatine gets his way.”

“And you disagree with that?”

She looks at him thoughtfully. 

“I want him to be happy.”

“And you don’t think marriage is the way to make him happy?”

“You don’t have a filter do you?” 

Finn shrugs. 

“I don’t like it when people lie.”

“Well, most people are not like you in that regard.”

“Are you avoiding the question?” He asks daringly. Leia smiles. 

“I don’t know what I think. If he marries he will secure a safe future for himself, he’ll finally settle down, have some children and live the way that is expected of him. But maybe I am romantic in this regard, but I think we should be allowed to decide for ourselves who we want to marry. Putting a label on love doesn’t seem right.”

Finn stops breathing and Leia gives him a knowing look. 

“Don’t you agree?”

“Yes.” He says and tries to keep his voice from straining.

“Me too.” She pats him on the back. “So, go put it on so we can get it adjusted will you.”

XXXX

Spending the afternoon with Leia passes in a daze and he forgets what they talk about. The whole conversation about love has rattled him to his core. In a perfect world that would be the case, anyone could love anyone, but everyone knows that’s not how the world works. This just hit a little close to home for him. No one can know. He stumbles into his room and doesn’t remember how he got there.

“Finn!” Rey exclaims, she gets up from the bed and walks over to hug him. Finn hugs her back and holds her closer, just for a little moment. He feels bad, he hasn’t thought about Rey at all today, too busy with everything else that’s happened.

“Where have you been? The whole day has gone by.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” He steps back and puts the suit down on top of his bed, making sure it’s not getting creases.

“What is that?” Rey asks and steps past him.

“It’s a suit.”

“A suit? Why do you have a suit? Did you steal it?” Finn lets out an offended grunt at the insinuation. 

“Of course I didn’t steal it.” Rey shrugs and Finn falls down onto Rey’s bed and groans.

“It’s a long story.”

“I have the time.”

“I don’t, what time is it?”

“Just after five, why?”

“I have to be back in first class by seven.”

“You what now?” Ret crosses her arms, the stance she takes when she doesn’t have time for any of Finn’s antics.

“I got invited to a dinner.” He says sheepishly. 

“You’re going to a dinner in first class, what the hell?”

“Yeah apparently I am.”

“Why?”

“Because I saved Poe Dameron’s life.”

“You what now?!” Rey throws herself down on the bed and Finn moves to make more room. He’s used to having her close, they’ve spent many nights in close quarters, sometimes sleeping in the same bed for warmth, sometimes to save money. And sometimes because they needed the other close by, for whatever the reason was. Many nights were also spent on the street, when they didn’t have any money at all, and sleeping any other way than this wasn’t save. Finn thinks he’s spent more nights with Rey than he has without her.

“Tell me everything.” Rey scoots in closer and Finn does.

It takes him almost an hour to get it all out and by the time he’s done it’s past six and he’s almost in a hurry.

“So he’s nice?”

“I think he’s lonely, a little shy too.”

“Finn.” Rey warns. “Don’t get involved in this.”

“I’m not!” He defends.

“I know you Finn, you have a big heart and this is a perfect situation for him to weasel his way into it.”

“He’s not doing any weaseling.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! All I said was that he’s lonely and sad and not very happy about things in his life.”

“And you like him?”

“I don’t really know him.”

“But you would like to get to know him better?”

“Rey I don’t have time for this, I’m going to be late if we keep this up for much longer.”

“Right right.” Rey gets up from the bed. “Let me help you get ready.” And he’s thankful she drops the subject. He doesn’t want to think too closely about it.

With her help he manages to be ready on time. He looks the nicests he ever has in his life, and he always thought it would mean something different if he ever got into a position where he would. But it feels like nothing. He realises this is all fake, clothes make you look nicer, that might be true. But it’s all just tasteless glamour, imbued with unhappiness and suffocation. It comes with a cost and Finn actually thinks in many regards he’s much freer than some of them in here. He just doesn’t care about fake, that is not what he wants in life, and especially not what he wants in his new life in America. But even so, he will enjoy playing with them all a little tonight, shock them even, that he can’t lie about.

“Finn, just promise me to be careful. These people, they are not like you and me. I don’t want you to get into any trouble.”

“I promise.” She looks him up and down and smiles after a while.

“Okay, go get them tiger.” Finn chuckles and leaves the room. 

The walk back to first class is an odd one indeed. People are polite, they open doors for him and call him Sir. In this suit he suddenly passes as one of them. It’s refreshing but at the same time this is not the way he wants to continue to live his life. He’d rather people look him in the eyes because they genuinely liked him and wanted to spend time with him rather than this fake politeness. 

He makes the dinner a little early and stands waiting in the gorgeous lobby, the splendor of the room stretching around him. It has a glass roof that seems to reach the sky, a golden chandelier hanging from the roof and the nicest polished floor Finn’s ever seen. This room really is something else, and the staircase made from luxurious wood makes the whole space seem open and big. The people too, they fit the interior. With the women in their floor length dresses, elaborate hairstyles (some with feather and necklaces in their hair dos), Finn’s never seen it done like that, and abundant jewelry they carry. To the point of showing off. The gentlemen too are elegant in their own way, in evening dress, with black suits and polished shoes, standing by their ladies. Many of them have already started making their way into the dinner hall, further down to his right. He can hear bottles being popped and glasses clinking together loudly. There’s a band playing too, the music slow and pretty, but apart from that it’s just a little too quiet for Finn’s taste. Someone ought to teach them how to throw a party. 

Finn looks up at the stairs and he spots Leia and Luke ascending, they both smile and nod their heads politely. Luke looks the cleanest Finn’s seen him so far and he wonders if this dinner is fancier than normal. Leia is sporting a grey dress, a bluish cowl hanging off her shoulders and her hair braided on top of her head. She looks regal, someone who just knows how to command attention and respect. Finn feels underdressed in her presence already. 

“You clean up well my friend.” Luke comments. He gives Leia a look.

“I had some help.” 

“I heard, so you’re ready for a meal with the vultures then?” Luke asks and Finn is just about to answer when he spots Poe. He’s dressed to the roof, black suit, black bow tie, and a matching white shirt and a waistcoat. Finn really has to bite his lip not to gape at him. The chandelier paints him in golden light and it makes his skin glow. He was made for the sun, Finn thinks.

Well he’s officially screwed too, the plan about keeping his cool and not caring goes out the window when Poe Dameron is walking down the stairs looking very much like a snack Finn would like to devour. That might be a little inappropriate of him to think, but he’s a vision, making everyone fall away and dim in comparison. His hair is different too, less pristine and more untamed. Finn likes that, it makes him look a little wilder, a side Finn is sure hides underneath all that polite boyishness he projects.

“Hi.” Poe says when he’s at the bottom, he looks Finn up and down and furrows his brows.

“Someone give you a suit?”

Finn smiles but doesn’t answer the question. “No Bee Bee today?” He asks instead.

“Oh no, I left him in the room for the night. I thought he might appreciate the break.”

“I see, you sure you didn’t want to join him?”

Poe chuckles, it’s the closest Finn’s heard to laughter coming from him. He seems to be going in the right direction with the jokes. Before he says goodbye to Poe Dameron, he is going to make him laugh, he wants to hear what it sounds like.

“Maybe. But the dinner tonight seemed less insufferable than normal so I decided to come anyway.”

“I’m sure.” Finn says. The room starts to fill out and Finn lets Poe lead the way, he follows behind, close, maybe a little too close to him than what’s appropriate but he can’t help it. The room he enters is big and open, so much more spacious than what third class is. Big windows at the end, overlooking the sea and fancy tablecloths with drinks and silver cutlery that Finn bets cost a fortune. It’s like a ballroom at the palace, alive and lit by a constellation of chandeliers, elegant and tasteful, even to someone like him. But at the same time, this really is a strange new world to him and it’s hard to believe some people live like this every day while others starve on the street. The waiter pulls out a chair for him when he gets to the table and it makes him feel a little special. 

He sits across from Poe and luckily beside Leia. There are already people at the table, by the end Finn recognises Palpatine. There he’s posed like the perfect patriarch, overlooking his subjects. He’s in red again, the colour just seems to expand around the man, making his presence seem larger than it is. He raises his glass and smiles, but at the same time manages to convey disinterest. Finn nods but chooses to ignore him. The table fills out quickly and the whole company seems to know each other. Finn notices Poe tense up immediately, there’s just something about how he holds himself suddenly that doesn’t seem right. Finn notices the hostile stares from two of the younger ones of the table, one he recognises as Ben and the other is ginger and pastely looking. He looks a little liked he’s swallowed something sour, Finn wonders if that’s a permanent expression on his face. 

He looks around at the people again, their conversation low and laughter sparse. Younger women with older men, and not a lot of kids to liven up the place. It’s sterile and a little sad. Leia leans in close to him. 

“There's the Countess Rothes. And that's John Jacob Astor... the richest man on the ship.” Her eyes sparkle as she mentions his wealth. Finn doesn’t feel too bad about the assumptions that were made towards Poe’s own wealth though. “His little wifey there, Madeleine, is about your age I would guess, and in a delicate condition. See how she's  
trying to hide it. Quite the scandal.” Leia continues. Finn looks closer, he can see it, her belly showing a little under the dress.

“And over there, that's Sir Cosmo and Lucile, Lady Duff-Gordon. She designs naughty lingerie, among her many talents. Very popular with the royals.” 

“The posh, you do indeed have some scandals it seems.” Leia smiles mischievously.

“So Poe, you aren’t the richest man on the ship then, maybe you should introduce me to a Mister John Jacob Astor?”

Poe clears his throat but smiles. 

“I’ve heard he’s a terrible bore.”

“Ah, so we do read the papers then?” He quips back. The attention isn’t on them yet, they have the time to talk. Poe opens his mouth.

“He has a bit of a required taste that man. Finn, I don’t think you’re quite suited for what he’s looking for. Poe, not either for that matter.” Leia interjects. Poe blushes but Finn smirks. Leia Organa, a brave woman indeed. Or maybe just foolish. 

“I think you’ll find Madam that I am everyone’s taste.”

He looks down at the table in satisfaction, and to give them all a moment to recover. In front of him there are about five different forks and knives and just as many spoons staring up at him, daring him to do it all wrong, he really has no idea what to use them for. Right, he can figure this out, this can’t be that hard? He’s sure he’s read a book about this somewhere a long time ago.

“I understand we have a hero amongst us tonight.” A man interrupts their little bubble of peace. Finn has no idea who he is but he seems gentler than the rest of their company.

“We do indeed, isn’t that exciting.” A woman says. There’s too many people around, he’s never going to learn the names of them all, so he might as well not try to.

“Finn This is Mr. Andrews.” Leia says. “He’s the man who designed the ship.” He smiles at Finn and Finn does it back. He likes that man already.

“What do you think of the ship if I may ask Finn?”

“Oh well the third class cabins are a little small for my liking Sir.” The joke seems to pass over most of their heads but Mr. Andrews laughs genuinely. 

“I appreciate your honesty young man.”

“I’m glad, many don’t. There are hardly any rats too, I like that at least.” He throws a look at the beastly twins and smirks.

“So what is it that you do again?” The ginger twin asks. His tone is full of contempt and Finn, well he kind of loves the opportunity it presents. 

“Nothing at the moment, just on my way to America to start afresh. After I make it there I am on God’s good humour.” Their drinks arrive and Finn gets some champagne. At least he knows what to do with that. He takes a sip out of the flute.

“Oh damn this is some good champagne.” Poe looks amused, Luke and Leia seems to enjoy it too and the rest of the stuck up pricks don’t seem to know what to say. Finn smacks his lips good naturally. 

“You find that sort of rootless existence appealing, do you?” The ginger one continues without hindrance. Finn sees Poe look annoyed at the weasel and Finn feels a little flattered. He gives Ginger a moment before he answers.

“You live the way I have for most of your life you learn that nothing is ever very certain. That you can’t wait around for life to hand you anything because that just doesn’t happen. So you live it to the fullest every day and take every day as it come. One never know what tomorrow brings.”

“Well said.” Leia smiles. Finn drinks some more champagne. 

“This really is some good champagne.”

“I’m sure you don’t have champagne like this in third class.” The ginger one sneers. Finn cannot even be bothered with his name.

“Nope we do not.” Finn says and breaks off a piece of bread. The woman from earlier looks a little shocked at his antics, and Finn is not going to lie, it edges him on some more.

“So America? You know what you want to do when you get there?”

“I have no idea, but whatever it is it’s sure better than England.”

“You don’t like England?” Poe asks him, it’s the first time he’s opened his mouth since the dinner started and Finn looks at him.

“England is fine, there was just no opportunities there for me anymore. It was time for a change.”

“And America is that change?” Poe asks again.

“Maybe. I’ve heard it is a good place to start fresh.” Finn answers cryptically.

“So you have ambitions Finn?” Palpatine says for the first time this night. He smiles but his tone is ice cold and unfriendly. Finn is a little impressed how he can convey both dismay and friendliness at the same time.

“Some.”

“Such as?”

“Well money isn’t one of them.”

“You don’t want to be rich?” The ginger one asks.

“I want money so I can get by, but so far in my life I’ve gotten by just fine without it. It doesn’t make you more happy I don’t think. It traps people I think, and maybe it even makes you more sad.” Finn looks at Poe again and Poe gulps but it’s enough for Finn to see it. Finn holds his eyes for a while and Poe looks back, he looks something between thoughtful and scared. Finn smiles privately at him. Got you he thinks.

“I don’t see the point in living without money.” The ginger one continues. “What would I do instead?”

“Well for starters Hux, you probably wouldn’t spend all your time at country clubs playing golf.” Poe says, diverting his eyes from Finn and forces a smile towards Hux. Hux’s eyes narrow.

”If I remember correctly you’ve spent your fair share of time around country clubs yourself Poe. Or was that only in the backrooms of them?” 

“At least in the backrooms there was some actual scoring, things happened, some action you know? Or maybe that’s unheard of for you.” Poe bites back. 

“Oh yes the action, of course I’m sure we can all remember the incident with Mr. Cobb-“

“Boys.” Leia warns. Finn watches on fascinated. Clearly there is some bad blood between those two. Poe’s suddenly more feisty, a lot less fidgety and Finn is happy to see there is still some of that underneath it all. 

“I think you’ve misunderstood it all completely and made up some demented story to fit whatever narrative you’ve got going on about me.”

“A story you say?” Hux carries on and Poe’s looking visibly more uncomfortable with every word that is being said, but he doesn’t seem to be backing down. “No I remember this one the very clearest my friend. It might be because it’s the top five of scandalous things you’ve done.”

“Careful Hux. People might think you’re a little too interested in me. They might talk.” The last word is said venomously and Finn is a little taken aback by it. Hux looks furious and his face is turning redder and redder. 

“There’s plenty of talk about you already-“

“Hux that’s enough.” Palpatine doesn’t need to raise his voice. His tone is ice cold and it does send a shiver down Finn’s spine. It feels like the air leaves the room, everything turning cold for a second. Hux quickly shuts his mouth and gulps, him too a little unsettled by Palpatine’s commanding voice. The coldness disappears and Finn breathes again. There’s a little bit of an awkward silence after and Finn sees Poe’s cheeks are red as he stubbornly pokes around his first course with a fork, seemingly not planning to eat anything. 

“I heard you’re up for re-election this year Mr. Palpatine.” Some other similar old boring mundane white man says that Finn is not the least interested in. The conversation of backrooms and scoring hangs heavy in Finn’s mind. He doesn’t know what it means but he has an idea. He knows very well how damaging those kinds of rumours can be. 

“Yes it seems so. If it all goes our way the Democrats should stand no chance in New York this year.” 

Poe is still looking uninterestedly down at his food, but he has that sad distance expression on his face again that Finn doesn’t like. Ever so slowly he reaches out with his foot, he makes sure it’s slow and careful. It would be terribly awkward if he nudged someone else on his quest. He finds Poe’s foot and moves his own a little higher up on his leg. He both feels and sees Poe freeze, his hand completely stills and Finn thinks he might faint, he’s so white. Ever so slowly Poe looks up and Finn meets his eyes straight on. He lifts an eyebrow daringly and Poe’s face changes after a little while of looking into Finn’s eyes, from caught off guard to a little more relaxed. Finn smiles and through sheer strength he moves his foot back. He would very much like to keep it there.

“So Poe?” This is another man who is asking. Older as well and looks similarly to Palpatine. He has that same creepy distance to him. Finn thinks his name might be Moff?

Finn sees Poe tense again and then he looks up with a fake smile on his face. Finn would have expected the vultures to be after him like Leia had said, he’s the newcomer after all. But these people seem to take some perverse pleasure in torturing Poe. Finn clenches his fist and takes another sip of his champagne just to have something to do.

“Yes?” His voice is devoid of any warmth.

“Have you considered what you are going to do once you’ve settled back into America?”

Poe opens his mouth but doesn’t get a chance to answer.

“He will get married.” Palpatine speaks over him and Poe’s mouth is in a tight line.

“Really? Marriage, how exciting.” The man continues on. Hux actually chuckles, it has an edge of meanness to it and Poe glares at him. Hux holds his hands up in defense but his whole body language screams that he’s enjoying whatever is going on. He’s way more talkative than what Ben seems to be. He sits quietly and observes and that’s almost just as creepy as Palpatine. Finn already thinks these people are the worst. Pompous pricks is not the word he would use to describe them, no something worse seems more fitting. 

He’s going to have to tell Rey about their sheer viciousness instead, bullying and passive aggressiveness that’s like a whole new kind of language Finn doesn’t know how to use. This is not how he functions and he thinks he would go slightly insane if he had to spend this much time around them. He looks at Poe again and he’s slowly understanding why Poe is sad. Some people are not cut out for certain people. He must have been put down so much of his life that he doesn’t know who he is anymore. Finn feels anger on his behalf, he doesn’t know Poe and he doesn’t know these people and yet he feels this strange urge to protect him. So much for not getting involved, he thinks bitterly and drinks some more.

“I’m sorry, I just never thought we would see the day when Poe Dameron would get married. To a woman nonetheless.” Hux comments and Poe’s eyes narrow in anger.

“I’m sure you didn’t. But I can’t remember the last time I saw you with a woman either Hux. Oh right, I forgot, it’s because they seem to prefer other men as their company.”

Hux clenches his fist. The insults are flying with those two tonight. It makes Finn wonder what went down between them.

“Women are complicated people.” Finn says. “Not all men are suited for their company.” He continues. Poe’s eyes snap to his and Finn smirks. 

“Oh they are indeed.” Luke comments and chuckles.

“Is that why you never managed to keep one?” Leia jokes and that makes both Finn and Poe smile.

“I think you my dear scared them all away.” Luke cups Leia’s cheek and she rolls her eyes. Finn likes those two, there is something very genuine about them.

“We like to think women are complicated but men, well they are not the easiest either.” A woman Finn hasn’t seen before says. She has dark brown hair, pretty and she sits by a man, her husband Finn guesses? Who's bigger than she is, he’s sporting a rather impressive beard, but they both seem friendlier and more open than the others. He wonders who they are.

“I agree.” Finn says and she smiles at him as Finn raises his glass towards her. 

“People are complicated. Not always what they seem to be at first.” Leia says and looks pointedly between Finn and Poe. 

“Well you want to spend your life around people who can surprise you, otherwise what’s the point? You’ll rot away if you don’t. Life will become dull and colourless.”

Poe studies him again and swallows, but he doesn’t say anything. 

“You ever thought about writing Finn?” Mr. Andrews asks. Finn actually stops to think about that.

“I don’t know. I’ve never had the money to own much paper let alone a pen, I always liked reading but writing, I’m not so sure about that.”

“I see, well you seem like a young man who is good with your words, if you’re interested you could always try it with the written word.”

“Well Mr. Andrews you flatter a man, me, a writer? I will have to tell my friend Rey about it just to hear her laugh.”

Mr. Andrews chuckles heartedly and Finn thinks it over. He’s never considered it, he’s always worked with his hands. But writing? Maybe.

“A career in the creative art seems like a waste of time. Creativity never did history any good.” It’s the first thing Ben has said all evening and Finn wants to roll his eyes.

“I hear you, so what would you say has contributed most to our history then?”

“Men and their courage, money, wars, capitalism. All those are things that will go down in the history books, not paintings, or poetry or the moving pictures. All those things seem very small in comparison.”

“I think all those things have made the world less of a good place. Put people out of work, poverty, starvation, inequality, wars that are fought and people who are lost in them. If we live in a world that is only horrible then how do we keep going huh? The creativity of the arts offer a different kind of world, escapism, to allow your imagination to let you live somewhere else for a while, or be someone else. And we like to think that words have no meaning, but they do. They are powerful. They give a voice to the voiceless. And let’s think about all these politicians, they make great speeches that have people believe in them because they know how to manipulate and use the right ones. But words don’t just have meaning in speeches, poems and novels are important too. We’re all different Ben and what one man likes another does not. Doesn’t mean one thing is more important than the other.” The whole table has gone silent. Finn looks around them all and none of them seem to know what to say. Poe looks at him, a dazed expression and his mouth hanging open slightly. Finn, well he’s managed to make them all fall silent, it makes him feel victorious, he holds his glass out and waiter fills it up for him. He takes another sip and that seems to break the rest of them out of their trance. 

“I propose a toast. To creativity.” Luke says, Finn laughs but the rest of them join in.

“To creativity!” But Finn notices that Poe can’t seem to take his eyes off him. He likes that very much. 

The dinner calm down a little after that. Finn seems to have gained some sort of respect, or at least silent hostility where they all know that he can stand his own ground, not daring to push him too hard.

“What do you like to read Finn?” Poe asks him when the rest of the table is in deep conversation about politics again.

“Anything. I learnt very quickly that the things I read they stick, but I never had much money to buy any books so I just read what I could get my hands on.” He answers. The food arrives then and he looks confusedly down at the cutlery. Poe nudges him under the table and Finn smiles at him, approving of the courage.

“Start from the outside.” He whispers but Finn is happy to see the genuine smile on his lips.

“Right.” But he gets the hang of it very quickly. 

“Tell me about any good books you’ve read.” Poe asks. Finn thinks it over.

“I read a Sherlock Holmes novel once. Someone had forgotten it on a bench so I took it.”

“Sherlock Holmes as in the detective?”

“Yes.”

Poe smiles.

“Was it any good?”

“It was interesting, very supernatural and mysterious if you like that sort of thing.”

“I don’t know, I’m not much of a reader.” 

“I find things just sticks in my mind, you know. I read something in the newspaper once that said that horses are incredibly gentle creatures if you know how to treat them.”

“Horses? Who would have thought.”

“Indeed, I find poetry can be a little pompous at times, but sometimes certain words just stay with me after.”

“Like?” Poe asks curiously.

“I can’t remember where I read it but it goes something like ‘I love you as one loves certain obscure things, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.’ I liked that. It makes love seems both easy and complicated at the same time.”

Poe’s fork is hanging halfway to his mouth and his cheeks are red. Finn wonders if he’s overstepped.

“That’s- erm that’s lovely.” Poe murmurs and gulps down the food nervously. He’s flustered again even though this time Finn didn’t actually mean to make him. He likes it, but he realises the poem’s meaning might mean many different things to many different people.

“It’s up to each and one of us to interpret the meaning of it. Just like with your art the same goes for poems.”

“Absolutely. The beauty of it all.” Poe answers, cheeks still a little red but much more put together now.

“Definitely. I like the way words can put meaning to feelings you otherwise wouldn’t know how to express. I love you is so very common and while it still carries meaning there are many different ways to say I love you to someone. It’s like what you said about paintings, while beauty can be bold so can love, it can be loud and intimate, soft and caring, and angry and hurtful. It’s not one dimensional, it’s complicated.”

“So you believe in love then?”

Finn thinks it over again. He wants it to sound right in some way.

“I believe that we should be allowed to choose who we want to love.” He says it simply, because he wishes that was the case.

“I don’t think everyone is that lucky.” Poe says a little sadly. 

“Many of us aren’t no. Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try does it?”

Poe shrugs. “I don’t know.”

Finn thinks about what to say, but then settles for honesty. It’s daring and probably overstepping by a mile. He holds his eyes. “No, I think you do know.”

Poe doesn’t seem to be able to look away, and he opens and closes his mouth a few times, at a loss for words.

“That's ... that's a v-very dangerous thing you are talking about Finn.”

“What’s dangerous?” Luke inserts himself into the conversation and Poe tenses. Finn turns around and ignores Poe.

“Love.”

“Love?” Luke asks.

“Indeed, we might think it’s simple and yet it can be very defying, brave too in many ways. Different to others.”

Finn sees Poe glare at him from the corner of his eye. He ignores him.

“You young man have some very interesting ideas.” Palpatine says coldly. Poe looks down in shame and starts picking at the food, the conversation seems to have struck a chord in him.

“Have we all not ever loved someone we shouldn’t? Someone not of our…” He pauses thinks about how far he can push. “Status.” He settles for and looks them all in the eyes. Most of them seem clueless but Finn knows they know what he’s talking about. Not even they can fool him. 

“Yes.” Leia says and that surprises Finn. But it makes sense as well, Leia seems like the most sensible out of them all, apart from Poe. Finn bows his head.

“Exactly.”

“Yes and we all know how well that went.” Palpatine sneers. Leia waves her hand dismissively at him.

“I always liked him.” Poe says.

“Of course you did.” Ben says coldly.

“Who was he?”

“A pilot.” Poe says. “And a smuggler, and did all kinds of improper things a man can do in this life.” 

The rest of the stuck up ones look uncomfortable and Finn nudges Poe’s foot approvingly. It makes Poe almost spit out the drink he’s sipping. Leia looks between them with a knowing look in her eyes. Finn suspects she’s probably on to them somehow. Finn ignores the worry of it, but he thinks that she will keep her mouth shut if she cares about Poe. By the time dessert comes around Finn slows down with the alcohol and orders a coffee for his loose tongue. He’s having a little too much fun with this all but he guesses it’s time to reel it in now. Finn doesn’t know why he jots down in his head that Poe takes three spoons of sugar in his coffee, something which to him seems to take away the whole point of coffee. He says as much.

“Sugar in coffee?”

“Oh yeah I don’t like the bitter taste too much.”

“Doesn’t that take away from the whole point of coffee?”

“Maybe but I can’t drink it otherwise. I only take it black when I’m hungover.”

“I see, I’ll remember that for the next time I find you black out drunk somewhere and save your life.”

Poe’s mouth twitches and for each time it does, or for each time he smiles his eyes look brighter and more alive. It makes him look more handsome than any other man Finn’s had the company of. And he is extremely good looking, to the point of where Finn’s logical side of his brain goes out the window and he wants to get to know him more. But what he really would like to do is to crawl into his lap and to kiss him, see what kinds of noises he could draw out of him. He knows he could never but it’s very hard to resist. He swallows some coffee and burns his tongue in the process. He hisses in pain.

“You okay?” Poe asks.

“Yes, the coffee is just very… hot.” Poe’s eyes widen at the meaning of what Finn just said, apparently not going over his head as he had hoped for.

“Indeed it is.” He says quietly, cheeks flushed red again, and Finn nudges his foot again, just for good sport. It gives Finn a little bit of a thrill to know that he’s sat by a table in first class surrounded by stuck up people and outwardly flirting with their golden boy. Finn smirks. It’s risky but he can’t seem to stop it. He doesn’t want to stop it.

“You’re something else, aren't you?” Poe says shyly, and looks around the table, just in case. They are being ignored and he looks back at Finn. Finn lifts an eyebrow.

“I’m taking that as a compliment Mr. Dameron.”

“It is.” He says, but his tone is playful. Finn is a little upset the dinner is over so soon, because Poe Dameron is already opening up, little by little and Finn really doesn’t want it to stop. He craves to get to know him better. He’s just so interesting, different, and when they get to America they will part ways and Finn will never see him again. He really should seize his chance here because who knows when he will ever get a chance like this again.

“Jacob’s wife, that really is a big scandal, isn’t it?” Hux says and Finn’s attention is brought away from Poe. Leia looks disapprovingly at him. 

“The dress isn’t doing much for her, no.” Mr. Ismay, Finn’s learnt his name is. He doesn’t like him, a little too eager to please the crowds. 

“Madeline isn’t Jacob’s biggest issue after all.” Palpatine remarks. Finn frowns.

“Oh yes, I did hear about that ill fated night he ended up in the hospital. There were those rumours it had something to do with cocaine.”

“Not rumours.” Ben says, his tone a little too casual for it not to sound suspicious. 

“No? What were the side effects?” Hux asks.

“He passed out in the bathroom apparently.”

“Oh, well that isn’t unheard of in these circles.” Hux gives Poe a very very pointed look and Finn sees him clutch the spoon he’s holding, his knuckles turning white in anger.

“Hux.” Leia says this time, it even unsettles Finn a little how harsh she suddenly sounds. Hux continues on.

“All I’m saying is that Poe got lucky the press didn’t get wind of that incident in the Lotos Club, that would have been scandalous.” He really doesn’t know when to stop Finn thinks. 

“It was one time.” Poe defends, but it sounds weak even to Finn’s ears. 

“Five, including the christmas party in 1910.” Hux counters. Poe’s eyes narrow, but there is the distinct redness to his cheeks too.

“Christmas party?” Luke asks. “I don’t remember a christmas party 1910.”

“Probably because you were drunk in the gutter.” Ben says, unimpressed. Finn is trying hard to puzzle together all of their relationships, so far there just seems to be a lot of hostility between them. Luke rolls his eyes at Ben. 

“What happened at the christmas party?” Some other woman asks, her eyes gleaming at the thought of gossip. 

“We might have done some coke in the bathroom, it got out of hand.” Ben says to Finn’s surprise. Poe’s looking confused too, what is going on now? Palpatine looks absolutely murderous though.

“It’s becoming more and more popular.” Jess adds, Finn thinks that’s actually her name. 

“Out of hand? Poe was, excuse my french, but off his head. You don’t remember Ben? I thought he died.” Poe’s spoon clatters loudly onto the plate, he is breathing hard. This seems even more touchier than the men. Hux really has got it out for him tonight. Finn feels bad.

“So many scandals.” Finn remarks drily, but it seems he wasn't quiet enough with that thought, they all turn to him. 

“Yes, with Poe’s drug habits, Leia sleeping and having the child of a dead smuggler, Luke becoming a drunk since he was forced out of the military, Ben being a constant disappointment, there are quite a lot between us.” Hux says and smiles into his drink.

“And you Hux? You have no scandals up your sleeve?” Finn turns to him, sees his chance to make him sweat. Hux does not see the mistake of walking into this with him. Poe’s ears are red and he looks down at his plate. Finn should ask about the drugs, to reassure Poe that he doesn’t care and ask if he’s alright. 

“Not as bad as these.” He answers and takes a piece of the chocolate sponge on his plate. 

“I think we all have secrets, I’m sure you have yours to Hux.”

“I hardly think so.”

“So you weren’t a disappointment of a son? Your father never came to your graduation? Your mother never loved you? You weasled your way into the high end, pretending to be someone you’re not while at the same time hating each and every one of them because they have it so easy. So you made it your personal mission to make them all feel as bad as you have felt all your life, picking on the kind ones and sucking up to the powerful ones? Am I getting close?” He asks, his eyes never leaving Hux’s. His face has gone red, with the ginger hair it makes him look like a cartoon, absolutely ridiculous and embarrassed. Finn can’t say he feels bad for him. 

“You, you-” Hux starts but Palpatine puts a hand on his arm. Hux’s mouth falls shut immediately. 

“Now now, I think this is where the excitement ends, do you not agree?” Finn hides the shudder, the eyes, calculating and hard, feeling like someone has jabbed him in the throat. He refuses to show any sign of fear, he isn’t afraid of this man. 

“Of course, of course.” He says good naturedly and takes a sip of his cold coffee. Palpatine looks at him for a while longer, Finn’s heart beating uncomfortable fast, and finally looks away. He goes back to the conversation with Moff, about the governor in Massachusetts, and Finn finally feels like he can breathe again. He’s not normally unsettled by people like him, but Palpatine is something else. He knows how to wield the power, seems to know exactly what your fears are and how to manipulate them against you. What buttons to push and how to control you. Finn shakes himself and the table goes back to normal again. One thing Finn will give these people is their ability to smooth things over, and pretend nothing has happened. 

Shortly after, the dinner comes to an end, at least for his part. He stands up and bows.

“Well I thank you ladies and gentlemen. I will remember this dinner for the rest of this trip.”

Leia chuckles.

“Thank you Finn.”

Some of the people from the table wishes him a pleasant evening and he can feel Poe’s eyes at the back of his neck as he walks out of the room.

If he’s correct about him he will soon leave the restaurant too.

He stands waiting by the end of the stairs and leans against the railing, making it seem like he belongs there. No one looks at him. He lights a cigarette as he waits.

He is right. About ten minutes later Poe comes out of the room. He stops when he sees Finn.

“So, Poe Dameron would you like to go to a real party?” He smiles daringly. Poe walks up to him and stops again. 

“This doesn’t pass as a party where you’re from?”

“Definitely not, you coming?”

“Okay.” He says a little breathlessly and Finn takes off. He leads the way and Poe follows, when they get away from first class and the poshness of it all Finn grabs Poe’s hand and takes of running. Poe stumbles but he hangs on tight. Finn doesn’t stop to care about the implications of holding hands with this man means. No one is looking anyway. When they are almost there Finn stops. Poe almost runs straight into him and Finn chuckles, he lets go of Poe’s hand and takes a step back. He looks him over and grabs at his bow tie, bringing him in closer.

“What are you doing?” Poe chokes out.

“You look a little too done up for passing as a third class in this.” He continues the job of undoing it, and then puts it into Poe’s pocket. He undoes the waistcoat and then lastly he steps up close. Poe’s curls have fallen into his eyes from the running and he slowly reaches forward. He feels very clearly how Poe’s breath hitches as he fixes his hair back.

“We don’t want you to look too disheveled I don’t think?” He says and fixes it a little more.

“Hair really make that much of a difference?” His voice is husky now and Finn is fucking screwed.

“With you, definitely.” But he thinks he misses about a mile with what he was aiming for. His voice darker too. Poe bites his lip and Finn actually groans and steps back.

“Careful.” He says and hears Poe take a deep breath.

“Why?”

Poe Dameron really has chosen a bad moment to be brave because Finn with all that alcohol in him really does not have the strength to hold back and not just push Poe straight up the wall and kiss him.

“I might do something we'll both regret later when we are sober.”

“I see.” It’s all Poe says and Finn turns around. 

“Come on, let’s do this.”

Poe does smile at least and Finn accepts that as a truce. 

For now.

The party is in full swing, tables and benches have been pushed to the side, live music and people of all ages are dancing and screaming and singing and Finn prefers this scene so much more compared to the one earlier today. In here there is live music, laughter, drinking, brawling and a joyousness to everything. Finn grabs for Poe’s hand again, he doesn’t want to lose the first class golden boy, and elbows his way forward. 

“Finn!” He recognizes the voice.

“Rey.” He says and spots her, she’s sat on the backrest of a chair, engaged in a game of poker with two other lads. Finn’s not getting his hands dirty with this again, but he’s well aware by now that Rey is playing them both hard, and will probably walk away all the richer for it. He walks up to them and he sees Rey’s eyes widen slightly when she sees who he has brought.

“Poe, this is Rey my friend.”

Rey stands up, seems to forget about the game for a moment, and looks Poe over.

“Rey.” She extends her hand and he does it too.

“Poe.”

“Oh I know.” She smiles cheekily and winks. Poe flushes and Finn laughs.

“I will get us something to drink, I’ll be right back.” Poe nods and Finn’s elbows his way through the masses. He gets them some beer, cheap and simple just the way it should be and makes his way back. When he gets back to the table Rey seems to have won the money and forced the rest of the men away, instead she’s engaged in a conversation with Poe who looks the most at ease he’s seen him this evening. Strangely enough he fits here Finn thinks, much better with these people than the ones of his class. He sets the drinks down in front of them and hands one off to Rey. She takes it, but at least Poe has some manners and thanks him for it. 

“What kind of beer is this?”

“The cheap one.” Finn shouts over the noise. It makes Poe smile again and Finn smirks. He keeps winning with the smiles tonight. But the laughing, that’s the real goal.

“So what were the two of you talking about then?” Finn asks. Rey smiles devilishly and Finn frowns. Oh no.

“Just about the kind of trouble you used to get me in back in London.”

“Trouble? Me? Woman you got me in just as much.”

Poe watches the exchange fondly but sips quietly at his beer. 

“Me? I am as innocent as they come.”

“Right of course. Let’s be honest you can probably take on most people in this bar.”

“Damn right I can.” She smirks. ”So Poe you ever been in a fight?”

“Erm, once or twice yes.”

“What? A posh boy like you’ve been in fights? I can’t believe that. You seem pretty harmless to me.” She jokes. Poe chuckles.

“You’d be surprised.” 

“Hm, well you should see Finn he’s relentless.”

“That is not true. I have my moments, sometimes.”

“There was this one time when he talked his way into a nice tearoom, only wearing his ragged clothes and then the idiot managed to get into a fight inside rather than on the outside. He never even got his tea.” Rey laughs. 

“That wasn’t my fault, it was the waiters.” He says, only a little embarrassed over that story.

“Oh sure it was.”

Rose comes out of nowhere to join them, swaying happily on her feet and the evening progresses interestingly after that. 

About an hour after Finn is drunk enough to dance. He borrows Rose and they get up on the dance floor with the rest of the people, the irish jig too much fun to resist. He’s going for it hard, swinging both legs and arms about and Rose gives as good as she gets and she’s an excellent dancing partner. Finn is having too much fun. Rose laughs as he twirls her and he does it again and again and then when there are some applause for their little number, he laughs some more and bows for effect. Life is great. As the song comes to an end, he makes his way back to their table where he spots Rey who is cheering Poe on, who has for some reason gotten himself into an arm wrestling match with a man who is much bigger his size. Finn and Rose join in the cheering and the match is tense. Finn cheers the loudest he ever has when Poe manages to win. 

“Maaaaaaan!” Finn claps him on his back, maybe a little too hard but Poe smiles and downs his drink.

“Fuck Poe, impressive.” Rey says and smile. Poe smiles back. 

“I am going to feel that in my arm tomorrow, I haven’t done that much exercise in ages.”

The music starts back up again and Finn drags them all up on the dancefloor. Poe stands awkwardly by his side and Finn laughs.

“I have no idea how to do this.” Poe confesses and Finn smiles even brighter.

“Good, no one does.”

“It’s not hard, just do what everyone else does.” Rey says and she starts off. Finn’s too drunk to care about what he looks like and he starts off again. Poe shakes his head but he smiles and then he takes a tentative step forward and joins them. Finn laughs and cheers and Rey swirls around and then they dance and dance and dance and Finn forgets time and what’s important in life. Everything seems to zoom in on this small moment in time with the four of them being happy and careless and young and free. Because that’s what Finn feels, free. 

He looks at Poe and he stops short. Poe stops too.

“What?” He asks, looking around.

“You just laughed.” Finn says astonished by the sound of it. Poe looks confused but then a shit eating grin breaks out across his face. Finn’s stomach drops, fucking hell he thinks...

“I did, why?”

“It’s the first time I’ve ever heard it since I met you.”

Poe laughs again and Finn smiles toothily. Now that he has heard him do it he never wants it to stop. Never. He wants to keep hearing it forever. Maybe even bottle it up so he can remember this very moment till he dies.

“You’re a strange man Finn.” Poe jokes and Finns sticks his tongue out, but then he starts dancing again and Poe laughs again and his life is just great. Some dude stumbles into Poe suddenly and he almost falls. Finn catches him and pushes the man away.

“Oi!” He says to the man but he doesn’t hear him, long gone to get something to drink. 

Finn realises a little too late that having Poe this near is a mistake. His hair is a mess, he’s shining with sweat, and so smiley. It looks like it’s threatening to develop him whole. He looks positively wild in this moment and it is such a sight. Finn feels sidetracked by it. He wants to bury his face in his neck and smell him, lick his way up to his mouth. He’s so good looking in this moment that Finn actually licks his lips. Poe’s eyes widen.

“Fuck.” Finn hears him breathe out. They’re saved by Rose who stumbles into them both and then Finn gathers her up in his arms and starts swaying her around. Poe smiles and they lock eyes again and Finn can’t stop looking at him. The light paints him in golden, makes him look so beautiful, and his skin glows and Finn really wants to drag him away from here, to a dark corner where he can ravish him. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Poe seems to sense all of it too and his eyes darken and he bites at his fucking lip and Finn cannot take it. He looks away.

He sees Poe gather Rey up in his arms and Finn is thankful for that, he laughs again and Finn smiles. They continue dancing and drinking way into the night and Finn really can’t remember the last time he had so much fun on a night out. By the time it’s 2am he should be beat by the day he’s had. But he’s not. And the reason for that is very clear to him. That reason is all Poe Dameron. He stands swaying by Finn, a little more drunk than Finn seems to be. He’s close, and every now and then he sways a little too close to Finn, so Finn has to help him stand upright. He doesn’t mind.

“Do you want a smoke?” Finn asks him, he wants to look at Poe without all these people around. He’s selfish and greedy but he doesn’t care. Poe nods and they extract themselves from the party that’s still going, a little calmer than before but still loud enough for Finn to have to shout to be heard. As soon as they make it outside Finn breathes a little easier. The fresh air clears his head almost immediately, but it’s so cold out here it makes him shiver a little. Poe looks through his pockets and hands him a cigarette and a lighter. Finn’s hand lingering maybe a little longer than necessary on Poe’s. It’s the alcohol, it makes Finn feel a little too daring and brave out here. He takes a drag and doesn’t look at Poe. He throws the lighter back to Poe though, who lights up his own and leans his head back, looking relaxed.

“So what did you think of the party?” He asks.

“Not bad for third class.”

“Oh another joke. I like it.”

Poe laughs. It’s like he’s forgotten how to and he’s just remembered suddenly, and now he can’t stop seem to stop. Finn smiles.

“For you, always.”

They smoke in comfortable silence ,the sea dark, and a little scary around them both. Finn breathes in the fresh air and thinks again that he is indeed very screwed. He feels a little too involved to just be able to walk off this boat in a few days time and leave Poe and never think about him again. But he has a few more days to sort through his head before he has to leave. He doesn’t want to think about that now.

“So am I going to get to see your drawings Poe Dameron?”

Poe frowns.

“Now?”

“Well I don’t see a better time than this, do you?”

“I guess not.” He shrugs. Finn’s lost his suit jacket somewhere and Poe seems to have too. They hurry through the cold decks, giggling like idiots. When they get to the first class area they both sober up, walk straighter and a little more serious, but they run into no problem. Most of the posh elite asleep in the late hours. Poe walks up to a door and unlocks it. When Finn follows him inside the room is much bigger than Leia’s. He’s a little shocked by it but tries to hide the surprise. As soon as they step inside they get ambushed by Bee Bee who is barking happily as he spots them. He runs around their legs, tail wagging until Poe lifts him up and cuddles him. He kisses him all over the face.

“Aww I’m sorry buddy for leaving you for long. But Leia fed you didn’t she?” He kisses the dog some more and Finn laughs and leans over to pet his head. Poe flushes at being caught with the dog.

“Don’t worry. It’s cute.” Finn says and Poe’s cheek redden some more.

“Cute? I’m not sure that’s the word I want describing me.”

“I think you’d take that word over all the other ones I have.”

“I don’t think I would.” Poe says and gulps, but he averts his eyes thankfully. Finn might have a clearer head from the air but his mouth seems to be doing its own thing, running without any filter and getting him into trouble.

He takes a step further into the suite, because this definitely is a suite. He sees a bathroom with a lavish looking bathtub in the middle. There’s the bedroom which has the biggest bed Finn’s ever seen in his life. He kind of wants to bounce on it. There’s even a study and a living room in there.

“This room, it’s a little extravagant don’t you think?”

Poe blushes and Finn chuckles.

“It is.” Poe agrees and looks around it in distaste.

“You don’t like it?”

He shrugs. “It’s just too much, even for me.” He puts Bee Bee down on the ground again but he sticks close to his owner. Finn walks over to the couch and sits down, it’s green and normally that would seem like a strange colour to him but somehow it fits the room he’s in. Bee Bee jumps up and sits beside him, tilting his head. Finn obliges and scratches him behind his ear. Poe looks fondly on from the side. He walks away and comes back with a brown leather bound sketch book. He runs his hand through his hair nervously and messes up the curls some more. He bites his lip and then he hands the book over to Finn. Finn feels his way over it, it’s nice and smooth, expensive probably. Poe picks up Bee Bee and disposes of him in his lap where he busies himself with him, avoiding Finn’s eyes. Finn opens it and his eyes widen.

“Damn.” He lets out at the first drawing, can’t really help it. Poe glances nervously at him from the side. The first sketch is in charcoal and it’s of Bee Bee. It seems to be have been done in a hurry, the edges are a little blurred but Finn can see a distinct likeness to the real dog. It is really good, Finn can tell that Poe has more talent than he let on. The next one is of a church and the book continues on with pages of people, landscapes and animals. In the whole book there is only one drawing of a man.

“You don’t draw many men.” Finn notes and stops by the only page. Poe bites his lips.

“Men don’t tend to make as good models. And they usually decline if you ask them.”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure to be honest. Maybe something to do with the painter.”

“I’m sure you don’t get many no’s.”

Poe’s lip quirks.

“You’d be surprised.”

“Who was this man?” Finn asks. The man is smoking, sat by a table, but the focus isn’t on his face, it’s on his back. He’s shirtless and Finn thinks it has a certain sexual element to, maybe desire is the right word for it. Poe blushes again.

“A man I met in Paris.” 

Ah Finn thinks. A man he slept with.

“He has a nice back.” Finn jokes, but it’s also the truth. Poe has captured it beautifully. There’s something very firm and muscular about him, powerful almost. But his face has kind features, that detail Poe made sure to add in.

“He did have a nice back.” Poe says.

“And you were holding back on me. You are a really good artist.”

“Thanks.” Poe smiles and looks shyly down at the dog again. Finn is so disarmed and charmed by Poe he doesn’t know what to do with all the emotions.

“Do you have any paintings?”

“In New York yes. I took an art class in Paris but I didn’t see the point in dragging all the material with me on my travels.”

“Did you like Paris?”

Poe nods enthusiastically.

“Yes it was lovely. It had many interesting... scenes.” He settles on and Finn hides his smile. He understands well enough what some of those scenes Poe felt the need to discover was, and he can’t blame him.

“Do you speak any french?”

“A little.”

“Say something.”

“Like?”

“Anything.”

Poe this time bites his lip in concentration and Finn doesn’t find it any less distracting at all. 

“Qui vivra verra.” It rolls of his tongue easily enough and Finn who hasn’t heard much french finds that he likes it.

“What does it mean?”

“He or she who lives shall see.”

Finn chuckles. “True enough.”

“Indeed.”

“So will you teach me then?” Poe looks at him.

“Teach you what?”

“To draw.”

“Oh, you want me to teach you how to draw?”

“I feel like we keep having the same conversation of you asking me questions and me repeating them back to you.”

It makes Poe smiles but he nods and puts Bee Bee back down on the sofa. 

“Okay, I will be right back.” 

He leaves the room for a moment and comes back with a pencil case and some papers. He sits down beside Finn and hands him the papers. He opens up the bag up and Finn sees some sharp tools in there along with the charcoal. He wonders what they are for.

“Okay, take a piece of charcoal.” Finn does. 

“Okay what do you want to draw?” Finn looks around the room, he needs something easy to start with. There’s a glass on the table in front of them and Finn points to it.

“The glass should be easy enough to start with.”

Poe nods.

“Okay, you can do it in different ways, it depends on how you want to do it. I tend to focus on the shadows and draw my edges after them. Do you see how the light hits the glass from the side?” Poe points and Finn nods, he sees it. ”Okay so you could start with the shape of the glass then.” Poe shows him, he draws an oval shape form of it on his paper and Finn copies him. 

Poe smiles.

“Not bad. Okay now you want to come in with your shadows, but you want the shadows to be in different colours to give the glass some texture. So it’s about pressure, lighter here.” He points at Finn’s paper to show him and then shows him on the glass. 

“And then add more pressure to make it darker, a more prominent shadow by the bottom.”

“Can’t be that hard.” Finn says and gets to work. He’s a little uncertain at first because it’s a little harder than it looks.

“You don’t really have to worry about how it looks. You can smudge it out with your thumb or use an eraser to restart what you were doing.” He hands him one and Finn tries it out. The dark line is suddenly less defined and Finn gets back to work. Poe sits quietly by and looks, sometimes he will say something but mostly he will just let Finn do his own thing. It’s sweet, and he finds that Poe is surprisingly patient and calm, he would make a good teacher. He gets the hang of it fairly quickly, and while his drawing is not as good as Poe’s turns out to be he’s actually kind of proud of his work.

“This takes a surprising amount of patience.” Finn notes.

“It does yes. But yours is very good for a first time. You seem to be a natural.” He compliments.

“Maybe I had a good teacher.” Finn says. Poe rolls his eyes but turns over the paper and looks at Finn for a while. Then he looks down again and then he draws some more. Finn lets him. He finds that once you get started on one drawing you can spend a very long time on the same one trying to make it look better. The glass he’s drawn looks very different from when he started. After a while Finn’s satisfied enough with what he has and sits back. Bee Bee is asleep between them and snores lightly. Finn pets him, carefully, not to wake him up. He looks over at Poe and gapes.

“Oh God, you did this now?” he reaches over and gently takes the drawing off Poe. He nods. 

Finn sees himself from the profile, leaned forward over his own painting. It’s really nice. It’s a quick sketch but it manages to capture so many elements in such a small space. At the bottom is says Poe Dameron, 1912 and Finn smiles, because of course he signs and dates his work.

“You can have it if you want.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Poe smiles and Finn does too, can’t really help it. He also can’t help when he reaches forward to stroke back some of Poe’s always escaping curls and puts them back behind his ear. Poe’s breath hitches again but Finn is quick to take his hand away, not wanting to give him too much of an idea.

“So am I going to get a tour then?”

Finn gives Poe a moment to recover and then gets up.

“Sure.”

“Cool, show me around posh boy.”

“Not a fan of that nickname.”

“No? I’ll figure one out that you’ll like.”

“Sure.” Poe laughs. He follows Poe into the study, it barely looks lived in and he guesses Poe hasn’t used it at all. It has a desk and a fireplace and some drawers but it’s pretty boring compared to the bedroom. Poe is messy, there are clothes everywhere, some even on the floor, his wardrobe is open and most of the clothes aren’t folded. On the bed there are more sketchbooks and pencils, some books with photos in them and Finn even notes there is a copy of Howards End by the pillow, many of the pages folded, like Poe’s saved them to go back to later. But he’s messy and Finn loves it. That’s another thing for Finn to note down about Poe. Pristine put together Mr. Dameron is a slob. It somehow makes him more endearing. Poe rubs his neck a little self-consciously, maybe aware of what this looks like.

“Nice.” Finn says sarcastically.

“I wasn’t expecting company tonight.”

“So you clean up when you except company?” Finn smirks. Poe Dameron makes it a little too easy for him sometimes.

“Depends on the company.”

“Good one, sugarplum.”

Poe grimaces.

“No that’s not the one either.”

Finn laughs and shrugs. He walks into the bathroom next and it’s the nicest thing he’s ever seen. He’s especially intrigued by the bathtub.

“Now we’re talking.” He trails his hand on the beauty of it and Poe chuckles.

“You like it?”

“Oh it’s the second best thing in this suite.” He locks eyes with Poe and smirks. 

“If you say so.” Poe doesn’t look at him, suddenly busy fixing his suit. But Finn knows he understood what he was referring to, and he thinks, good. He shouldn’t but it’s a little too fun to tease him. Just to see how far he can push.

Finn spots a bottle of champagne in a bucket of ice standing on a small golden table. The table is standing awfully close to the bathtub and it makes Finn rolls his eyes at these people. He picks it up and looks at Poe.

“Really? They just leave these around.”

“Apparently.”

“How much do you reckon this cost?”

“A lot.”

“Well we don’t want to let it go to waste now do we.” He says and shakes it before he opens it. It makes a loud pop and the liquid splashes on the floor. Finn takes up the two glasses and pours them both some. Poe takes one of them from him and takes a sip.

“I can’t remember the last time I had so much alcohol in one night.” He says.

“The trick is to never stop drinking.” Finn says and then he gets an idea. He toes off his shoes and steps out of them. Then he graciously gets into the bathtub and leans back, puts his hands down on the side and raises his glass to Poe. 

“To living like a prince.” He says. Poe indulges him and toasts him.

“To living…” Poe says and Finn lets him have it. He leans back and sighs contently.

“Are you not going to come join me?”

Poe’s eyes widen.

“W-what?”

“You heard me. Are you joining.” 

Poe gapes but gets a move on, a little robotic and he shakes his head a few times. He steps out of his own shoes a little clumsily but eventually gets in at the other end of Finn. He moves his feet a little to make some room for him. Their legs brush and it sends a shiver down Finn’s spine. He keeps his legs still though, not showing an inch. Poe takes out a cigarette and lights it. Finn gets rid of his glass and starts drinking from the bottle, it’s all very classy of him. But Poe doesn’t seem to mind as they pass the cigarette and the bottle back and forth.

Finn tries not to stare too much at Poe, but he looks disheveled again, just in that way Finn likes it. His suit forgotten somewhere, loose and drunk, a cigarette in his mouth and no shoes. He doesn’t look too much like a rich prince, more like someone who is ready to let go of that life and explore new avenues of life. It paints a pretty picture and Finn is losing control of it all.

“So this is what your life is like then?”

“No, this is not what my life is like. I usually don’t end my evenings in bathtubs with other men drinking champagne.”

“Sounds like you’ve been missing out.”

“Is this what you do to all the rich men you meet then? Drink fancy champagne in bathtubs.” Poe lifts an eyebrow.

“Only the special ones.”

“I see.” He laughs. His eyes crinkle and he is once again the most beautiful person Finn’s ever seen. He’s relaxed and loose and drunk, his foot rubbing against Finn’s calf and Finn wonders once again why he has to be such a daredevil and get himself into situations like this. 

“I was referring to the people from earlier.”

Poe grimaces and rolls his eyes. He holds his hand out for the bottle and Finn gives it to him. Poe takes a big swing of it and Finn can’t tear his eyes away from his now exposed neck. He wants to put his lips right there over Poe’s pulse and feel it flutter. He wants to lick -

“Yeah those I can’t get rid of, however hard I try.”

Finn’s thankful for the interruption and he swallows, to hide his state of arousal. 

“You’ve tried?”

“I hoped leaving for Europe would get them off my back.”

“And that didn’t work?”

“No, it seemed to have made them more eager than ever.”

“Maybe they didn’t get the hint?”

“No probably not.”

“And Palpatine.”

Poe groans.

“That’s a good way to ruin the mood.”

Finn shrugs but gives him a pointed look, curiously awaiting the answer.

“He knew my parents. Invested in their business back in the day when they needed a loan. He’s been around forever though. He knew Leia’s father as well.”

“What kind of business did your parents have?”

“They started off having a small tailor shop, on 5th avenue but they expanded over the years and opened over twenty stores around the country. My mother did the book keeping but in secret of course. She was good with numbers. They made suits for all the rich people in the country, musicians, politicians, actors and actresses, Wall Street men and all kinds in between. They were very popular, still very popular.”

“And you inherited the company and the money when they died?”

“I did.”

“And who runs the company in your absence?”

“It’s run by a board at the moment. I appointed Leia as chairman when they died and she’s been managing most if it. She reports back to me but I am considering signing it all over to her. Palpatine would probably kill me if I did.”

“Is he on the board too?”

“Not officially but he definitely pulls some of the strings behind the scenes.”

“Why don’t you want the company?”

Poe bites his lip. For fuck’s sake Finn thinks. He takes the bottle off Poe and takes a swig. He needs something to do. 

“Because it’s not what I want to do.” He mumbles.

“Sorry?”

“Because it’s not what I want to do with my life.” He meets Finn’s eyes and Finn holds his eyes not looking away.

“Okay.” He says gently. “And the whole marriage thing?”

“Palpatine’s way of securing his future in the business. All the women he has suggested all come from families he’s close with in one way or another.”

“So why don’t you say no?”

“It’s not that easy Finn.”

“Why?”

“Because… well because I would let so many people down, so many are counting on me, it would be like letting my parents down. It would be the biggest betrayal I could ever do.” He runs his hand frustratingly through his hair, it makes it stick up in all kinds of different directions.

“Are you sure you’re not making excuses now?”

Poe narrows his eyes at him.

“No.” He says petulant.

“I think you might be. You’re letting these people control you Poe and if you don’t put your foot down they will run you through the ground.”

“You’re overstepping Finn.” Poe grits out. His mood has changed quickly and while Finn should maybe be a little more worked up over the idea that he’s upset Poe. The only thing he can think of is that he seems to have a little bit of a temper on him.

“Maybe, also you have a temper on you? I’m finding out so many new things about you.” He changes the subject and Poe doesn’t seem to be able to keep up. It takes his brain a moment to change from angry to content again and Finn watches fascinatingly as his face moves. He hides his smile behind a sip.

“What?”

“You have a temper.” He articulates obnoxiously. Poe rolls his eyes.

“I don’t.”

“You do.”

“No.”

Finn laughs. “You are being a spoilt brat this very moment.”

“Hey!” Poe exclaims and Finn laughs harder. 

“A little?”

“No.” Poe says and crosses his arms, but he’s trying not to smile so Finn knows they’re back on track again. 

“So you and Rey-”

“We are not together.” Finn grimaces at the very idea of that.

“That’s not what I was going to ask.” But Finn notices that he seems pleased to hear it. Finn chuckles.

“Okay what were you going to ask then?”

“How do you know each other.”

“Okay, well we grew up together in the orphanage, we’ve stuck by each other’s side ever since. Barely a day apart. We take care of each other.”

“That sounds nice.”

“It is, she’s like a sister to me.” Poe smiles.

“She’s nice.”

“And a force to be reckoned with.” 

Poe chuckles. “I gathered as much.”

“So do you have any friends then?”

“A few.” He shrugs. “But not too many.”

“Anyone must be better than the beastly twins.”

“The twins?”

“Oh yeah that’s what I called ginger, what was his name? Hux! Yeah that’s what I started calling Hux and Ben in my head at the dinner.” It makes Poe smile again but he grows serious soon after.

“Ben is tolerable when he’s not hooked to the side of Hux or Palpatine. They both adore Palpatine of course and all they want is his approval. And Hux is jealous that I get all the attention. I really wouldn’t mind not having it. But Hux has been a pain in my ass since the moment I met him.”

“I could tell there was no lost love between the two of you at dinner.”

Poe holds his hand out and Finn gets the hint and hands him the bottle. Poe looks at it but shrugs and takes another sip. 

“No, he’s had it out for me since the beginning. I don’t even know what I did but ever since we met he’s just been intolerable. All these little comments and jabs about me. Every chance he gets he runs his mouth about me. Makes up things as well.”

“So the country club backrooms were not true then?”

Poe’s cheek reddens again, they’ve done that a lot this evening and it makes him so adorable. Who even blushes at these things?

“Some of them are.” He bites out and takes another swing.

“I see. Well in jolly old London alleys did the trick.” Poe snaps his head up and Finn doesn’t look away.

“That sounds….cold.” Poe settles on and Finn laughs.

“Mostly yeah, not always but sometimes.”

“You never considered a bed?” Finn shrugs and holds his hand out. Poe hands him the bottle and their hands brush. Finn cheekily runs a finger over Poe’s palm and watches him shudder. He takes the bottle from him and drinks the last of it. He puts it down on the ground before he answers, needing a moment to gather himself.

“I have, even used a bed once or twice but they’re not very common in my circles.”

“Not even for… sex?” He struggles with the last word and Finn smirks. He likes this, Poe is coming out of his shell, he’s daring Finn to push this conversation forward. They’ve come a long way since yesterday, that's for sure.

“When the opportunity presented itself definitely.”

“And it didn’t very often then?”

“No… and for you Mr. Dameron?” Poe blushes again but his foot is rubbing circles against Finn’s calf again, this time it’s definitely on purpose.

“Beds, sofas, showers, someone else’s bed from time to time, the back of cars, backrooms and some alleys too.”

“Quite the arsenal you got there.”

“One could say that yes.”

“And what would you call it?”

“Luck maybe.”

“Or charm?”

“From time to time yes.”

“Is that charmed turned up now?”

Poe laughs. “No, that charm hasn’t been turned on at all since we met. I’m off my game so to say.”

“I think your game is working pretty well right now.”

“I think getting me into this bathtub, drunk might I add, was all your game.”

“Oh I definitely have game Dameron.”

“I’m well aware.”

“You like it. You are not as uptight as you pretend to be. You like getting your feathers ruffled.” Finn smirks and Poe chuckles.

“Maybe.” He says.

“It’s one of the many services I offer, ruffling of feathers.” Poe daringly raises an eyebrow.

“What else is included in your services Sir?”

“Ah ah, easy now Mr. Dameron. I’m not sure you could handle... that.”

Poe licks his lips, deliberately, the bastard, and Finn traces the movement. And Poe he fucking smirks and Finn bangs his head against the cold edge.

“Careful.”

“Why?” He asks again, his voice has a dangerous edge to it and Finn thinks that he’s learnt the game way too quick. He’s even outsmarting Finn at it. Or maybe he always knew how to play it. Finn reaches out with his foot and starts tracing Poe’s leg, slowly making his way up. Poe freezes and HA Finn thinks, two can play this game. Finn fucking invented this game, he’ll be damned if he loses it to Poe Dameron.

“Because we are both drunk.”

“This excuse is not going to last forever.” Poe gets out, his breath hitching and his voice shaking as Finn’s foot moves a little higher still. 

“I know.”

Poe leans forward, swaying a little. He moves his hands over and they almost touches Finn’s. 

“Not even if I beg?”

Well fuck. 

Finn gulps and Poe smirks again. Finn groans and then he reaches forward to very gently push Poe back. He goes and slides down as far as he can to lie down. It’s a little dramatic and Finn rolls his eyes.

“Not today.”

“Tease.” Poe grunts. 

That Finn definitely is.

“Come on, I want more of the tour.”

Finn gets up and dusts his clothes off. He gives Poe his hand and Poe eyes it.

“Give me a moment.” He manages to get out and Finn laughs but obeys. He turns around and starts looking through the rest of the room. He looks through the drawers and finds Poe’s hair stuff and many bottles of aftershave. It smells very nice and it seems Poe likes his perfumes. Trying or not trying, Poe Dameron is either self-aware enough to know that he is an attractive man, or he is too naive to think about it in those terms, Finn hasn’t made up his mind about it yet. But if all of the things in the drawers are anything to go by he likes his stuff, that’s for sure. An artist with a heart of gold who likes to smell good. By the time he’s done looking through all the drawers, where he also finds shampoo and some sort of body cleaners that is the fanciest shit he’s ever seen, a beard trimming kit because apparently he does that himself, Poe seems to have gathered himself enough to get out of the tub. 

“So, more rooms to explore. The night is still young.”

“Right.” Poe says and lets Finn lead the way. The rest of the rooms are less interesting and he goes through them pretty quickly. He finds a seperate room that holds all of Poe’s suits and they are in a better order than the clothes in his own room. Finn wonders why he has four different sets of the same black suit as he riffles his way through them, it seems a little excessive to him. After a while they end back up where they started, on the couch, sat close together with Bee Bee tucked close to Poe’s side. Finn likes Bee Bee, it’s a cute little dog, but other than that it seems genuinely protective of its owner. Finn has also noted that Poe keeps the dog around himself most of the time, so he can reach for him as a reassurance. Like a support system. He feels glad he at least has his dog when he’s surrounded by the vultures. Bee Bee is snuggled close to Poe’s face and he keeps bending forward, resting his own forehead on the dog’s while scratching him behind the ears. It’s endlessly endearing and Finn struggles to look away from him. He’s completely at ease like this, unaware that he’s being watched and looking so soft. Finn lets him be for a little bit, and he kind of feels bad for asking the next question, but curiosity is getting the better of him, and he’s more than a little drunk.

“So can I ask…” He begins. Poe looks up, still looking soft and glowing in the golden light.

“Yeah?”

“About the drugs.” A shadow passes over Poe’s face and he stops with the stroking. Then he sighs and disposes of Bee Bee by his side and gets up.

“I need a drink first.” He says and walks over to the fireplace. On the mantle there is a bottle of scotch and he pours himself a glass. Finn winces as he downs it quickly and then refills it. He brings back the bottle and two glasses and comes back to the couch. He pours himself another one and then hands one to Finn. Finn nurses his, knowing somewhere at the back of his mind to drink it slower. Poe sighs again and drags a hand nervously through his hair. 

“I have no excuse other than that I was deeply unhappy. It was just an escape, to make everything a little easier at the time.”

“And did it work?” 

Poe shakes his head and Finn feels endlessly sad for him, his heart tugging. 

“No, of course not. I knew that even before I began. I’ve tried it before a few times, you can’t go to a party on Manhattan without at least being aware that most people are off their heads. A little before Christmas two years ago-” He stops talking, Finn doesn’t push.

“I… well I was foolish, it’s on me really. Got too involved with a guy and he made promises he couldn’t keep. I knew that and yet I believed him because I was so lonely. It ended really badly between us and I spiraled for a while, went out and partied more, blew everyone off and drank until dawn. If I didn’t drink I was off my head. I slept with lots of people, mostly women for some reason, and well some rumours started and then I couldn’t escape those either. Christmas that year at Palpatine’s it all got a little too much and I went into the bathroom and… well it got out of hand and I passed out, don’t remember anything of that evening, a doctor said I was close to dying…”

It’s silent, Finn reaches for Poe’s hand and squeezes.

“I didn’t want to die, I didn’t even know you could die of it. I haven’t gone near it since. It was a wake up call I guess.” He looks at the hand in his lap and Finn really wants to gather him up in his arms and hug him close, tell him everything is going to be alright.

“I believe you. You didn’t want to die.” He says softly and Poe nods. 

“But you were lonely and unhappy, did you forget what it felt like to live?” He asks gently. Poe closes his eyes but then looks up and nods, his eyes wide and sad.

“I was chasing some sort of high, I guess. I just wanted to feel something other than unhappiness, but I didn’t want to die.”

“Do you know what it feels like to be alive now?”

Poe looks at him close, Finn thinks he will shake his head, that wouldn’t surprise him too much. 

“I-I am beginning to remember.” He says, loaded. Finn moves closer to him and gathers Poe’s hand up in his, and then moves and places it on his own heart. Poe’s eyes widen, not expecting it. 

“It feels something like this.” Finn says and feels Poe press his hand a little closer, to feel the steady beat of his heart. Finn hopes Poe can ground himself there. His eyes fall shut and he exhales, and then takes another deep breath, his hand staying put. Finn counts it, one, two, three, four, five, six, and it seems to calm Poe. He opens his eyes after a long time of just silence, the two of them sitting close together like this, Finn hearing his own heart beat in the room. And then Poe opens his eyes. He looks less sad and that’s a relief. Finn is so screwed, he already cares too much about Poe and all his emotions. Poe retracts his hand and smiles, it’s very small, but it’s there. Finn smiles back.

“Thank you.” Poe says. 

“For you, anything.” The words slip out, Finn’s stupid mouth betraying him. Poe’s eyes widen, just a little and his eyes travel downwards, towards Finn’s lips. Finn’s control is slipping, he’s so drunk on Poe that he wants to lean in, he really does. 

“We really shouldn't.” He whispers, but even so, his own eyes travel down. He sees Poe nod but he makes no effort to move. 

“You’re making it really difficult.” Finn says again, Poe’s mouth twitches but he does actually look away. Thank fuck for Finn because he wasn’t going to live up to his own words just there. He would have kissed him, throw caution to the wind and leaned forward. 

“That, I have heard before.” Poe jokes. Finn leans back on the sofa, resting his head on the headboard. 

“I’m not surprised, you are after all a very attractive person.” It’s not even a joke, even if he’s aiming for that. Poe smiles, no blush this time. 

“You’re not too bad yourself either.”

“I know.” Poe rolls his eyes. Finn takes a sip of the forgotten scotch, and while he knows nothing about alcohol this really is some rich taste. Expensive without doubt. Finn behaves after that, as much as he can and Poe seems to have stopped pushing too... for now. Finn knows that it’s an offer of truce, because Poe Dameron is not as innocent as he pretends to be. Finn has seen a glimpse. 

After a while Finn picks up Poe’s copy of Howards End and makes his way back to the couch, reading out loud. He hasn’t read it before and it makes some interesting points he thinks. 

“So Charles is going to prison for murder then is he?” He asks but there is no reply. Finn turns around and he stops short of breath. Poe’s on his side, his face close to Finn’s thigh, eyes closed and face smushed into the cushion. He’s breathing is even and heavy and Bee Bee is snuggled protectively by his head. Finn doesn’t know what to do. He sits frozen, staring until he forces himself out of it. He slowly gets up and puts the book down by the table. He lifts Poe’s feet up to get the blanket out and makes sure he’s completely covered by it. Finn would really like to join him but of course he can’t. He’s well aware that he cannot be found here tomorrow morning, that would get him in so much trouble. But a part of him actually worries a little more about how much trouble it would cause Poe if he was to be found in here. That’s all he needs to know about how far fucking deep in he’s suddenly gotten. He crouches down by Poe’s head and pets Bee Bee.

“Take good care of him would you?” He whispers. Bee Bee tilts his head and Finn would like to think he knows what’s been said. He chuckles and then looks at Poe. He looks different like this, younger and sweeter. His face peaceful and soft and he has this innocence about him now that makes Finn’s heart tug. This man… Finn slowly reaches forward and once again pulls some of his curls back.

“Good night Poe.” He says before he gathers his drawing up and leaves the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up this time around lads, because you know I had to sink the ship lmao...  
> A forever thanks to my beta who read part 2 because there was A LOT of words to read.
> 
> Okay so some warnings of homophobic slurs and some mentions of dying and depression. it is not too bad but this chapter will be getting a little dark...
> 
> Also I wrote smut for the first time so weeelll god I'm a little nervous about it 
> 
> Some of the songs I listened to while writing this (because I had to get into an emotional headspace)
> 
> -Wildfire-alternative version : SYML  
> -Don't Forget About Me : CLOVES  
> -Falling : Harry Styles  
> -Love in the Dark : Jessie Reyez  
> -Leave a Light on - Sony Bravia Version : Tom Walker  
> -Lover : Taylor Swift  
> -Unknown (to you) : Jacob Banks  
> -lovely (with Khalid) : Billie Eilish 
> 
> Enjoy!

Poe wakes up the next morning to a headache that feels like it’s going to split his head into two. His neck is tense from sleeping in a strange position and his skin feels warm and clammy. He groans and tries to sit up, it doesn’t go to well, he almost falls off the couch in the process. Also why is he on the couch? He sits up, successfully this time and looks around the room. Right he’s on the couch because of last night and he flushes red all over as the memory of it comes back. He groans and puts his head in his hands. Well fucking hell, what is he doing here? Is he being stupid for doing this? His head is hurting too much for him to be able to think about it. He stands up on shaky legs instead and almost tumbles straight over, but last minute he manages to steady himself on the table. He sees a note and grabs for it. The letters don’t make any sense and it takes him some time to realise he’s been trying to read it upside down.

‘Thought you might want to sleep in. Brought Bee Bee with me. Drink the water and then come join me for tea.  
Leia.’

Poe gulps down the water and realises that it’s way past 2pm. Shit he really has slept in. He can’t remember the last time he was this hangover and disoriented either. He doesn’t drink alcohol or party to this extent anymore. He feels a little nauseous already and the thought of leaving this room doesn’t appeal to him at all. He would like to curl up in bed and die.

“Right.” He says to no one in particularly and stumbles into the bathroom. He ignores the two pairs of shoes who are laying on the floor and undresses, slowly. He showers, the slowest shower he’s ever taken, arms and joints not wanting to work in unison and tries not to throw up the seven course meal he had yesterday. He rests his head on the cold surface and tries to breathe through the wave of nausea that’s just hit him. He blatantly refuses to think about Finn and the bathtub from yesterday. It only works a little because he has a treacherous brain and he doesn’t think it’s working at all today. 

He dresses, puts on the most casual clothing he can find and lastly throws on some sunglasses he finds at the bottom of his sock drawer. He looks decent enough he hopes for some tea. He’d prefer some coffee and maybe something sweet to go with it. On unsteady feet he makes his way out of his room. He stumbles out, losing his balance completely and stumbles straight into the arms of Ben. Poe is genuinely surprised that Ben’s caught him and didn’t let him fall straight onto the floor. Poe coughs a little awkwardly and Ben easily enough puts him upright. Ben has always been much bigger than Poe, ever since they were kids and Ben used to hoist Poe up into trees before climbing up after him. Poe isn’t sure why a long suppressed memory of them as children has forced itself out right now. Ben straightens Poe’s crumpled shirt out and takes a step away. He can breathe again, Ben’s suffocating presence finally at a little bit of a distance.

“Rough night?” He asks knowingly. Poe clears his throat.

“Right.”

“Well if you want to avoid Palpatine for a while I’d suggest taking the other exist.”

Poe frowns, his brain sluggish and unable to keep up with the conversation happening.

“Right…” He says again, not knowing what else to add. Ben smiles, kindly and Poe is so confused.

“Maybe have some coffee to kick start that brain of yours, the hangover is a little too obvious for my taste right now.” But he says it goodnaturedly and then he leaves, Poe looking after him feeling like he’s in a dream.

What the hell just happened? Ben hasn’t shown this kind of camaraderie towards Poe since he left for the army three years ago. Their relationship flawed much earlier than that and Poe doesn’t know when they went from friends to hating each other. Ben used to stand up for him when they were kids, Poe often the odd one out. He has a terrible track record of making friends, people tend to not like him, or want something from him. He learnt it early but the lessons never seemed to stick, not even to this day. But Ben had always been a reassuring presence in his younger life, apparently equipped with a good nose for smelling out the bulshit and the liars. He doesn’t know what this just was though, so he shakes his head and heads the way Ben had suggested.

With each step he takes, he’s thankfully a little steadier on his feet, but the headache is still simmering under the surface. The corridors swim before his eyes and he almost walks straight into the wall at least once from all the spinning. When he finally manages to get to the dining hall he asks one of the waitresses where Mrs. Organa is and he gets the directions. He’s struggles a little to remember them. She’s sat inside today, the weather outside too cloudy and windy for it to be pleasant. He’s never been in this saloon before, its glass windows opening up the space, and there are comfy sun chairs around which someone seemed to have thought that adding some flowers would make the place seem nicer. He spots her in the corner, Bee Bee munching on a cookie in her lap. He looks happy enough where he is even though Poe knows that Leia feeds him unnecessarily much of things the dog definitely shouldn’t have. 

“Morning.” He says and sits down in front of her. He waves for a waitress and orders a black coffee. He considers for a moment to order a bloody mary, something about what Finn had said about never stop drinking. 

“Morning.” She says a little too loudly for his taste. He tries to hide the wince.

“You feeling okay?” She asks. He shrugs.

“I’ve been better.” He takes one of the scones laying in front of him and puts some jam on it. He takes a bite and regrets it almost immediately. He groans and puts it back down onto the plate, his stomach churning uncomfortably. 

“Fun night?” Leia asks pointedly and Poe glares at her through the sunglasses.

“Are you glaring?”

“Yeah.”

“I see, so did you?”

“Yes.”

“And Finn?”

“I’m sure he did too.” And he tries to hide his flush. 

“I didn’t see him this morning.” Leia notes.

“Well he probably left after-”

“After?”

“After I fell asleep.” Poe coughs embarrassed. Right, that sentence sounds just as bad as imagined it would sound. Leia gives him a pointed look.

“Stop, nothing happened.” He defends weakly. While most of the people around Poe are aware or have an inkling of his… tastes, Leia is the only one who’s never judged him too harshly for it. He doesn’t exactly speak of it to her but she’s always taken it better than the others.

“I’m glad to hear it because ‘you young Mister’ have a wedding to plan I’m hearing.”

Poe groans again and throws his head back, a mistake he’s realising a little too late. The world spins on its axis and it feels like his brain has dislodged from his head, moving around on its own. He gets a sour taste in his mouth and tries to swallow it down. Poe feels it would be in bad taste if he started throwing up in here. He presses his hands to his head in hopes that his brain will settle.

“According to Palpatine that is.”

“I didn’t say yes.” He says weakly, not looking up.

“But you didn’t say no?”

“I said I’d think about it.”

“To be honest, she’s probably the best you are going to get out of Palpatine. She’s nice.”

“You know her?” Poe can’t even remember the name of her. The conversation about it all, he’s almost forgotten already.

He’s been well rather occupied lately and the thought of marriage hasn’t been a priority.

“I know of her family. The Bliss’ are very well liked. Her father is very involved in the workers union.”

“And Palpatine thinks that would be fitting?” The spinning stops, thank God, and Poe sits up straighter again. 

“Apparently. He’s a politician as well, they have some deals together and they seem friendly enough.”

“And what about what I want? What if I don’t want to get married.” He says quietly and shyly.

“Well I want what’s best for you.”

“And that is that I am married?” He gives her a look.

“That you are happy. But you and me both know that the rumours are going to get worse if you don’t settle down soon. You can thank Palpatine that more people don't know about your preferences. He’s kept that under control somewhat and he expects some gratitude from you for that, and a marriage.”

“I know.” Poe sighs, he’s well aware how protected he’s been from it all. In the past he’s been foolish and stupid, compromised himself in so many situations that could have gotten more out of hand than they did. Palpatine had always cleaned up the messes and not said too much about it, Poe owns him something for it all at least. 

“Getting married, having children, making money. The destiny of a man.” Leia says sarcastically and Poe rolls his eyes.

“Right.”

“You’ll be fine.” She pats his hand but Poe doubts he will. The conversation with Finn replays in his head. ‘These people will run you through the ground. They want to control you’ and Poe, he fucking knows that. But he doesn’t know how to not let them. 

How does one break free from conditioning and controlled forced upon you since you were a child? Some things are so ingrained into Poe that he doesn’t always know he’s doing them. 

“So should we talk about Finn instead?”

Poe groans for the hundredth time.

“Really?” 

“I love some gossip you know this. Now spill.”

“What do you want to know?” Poe sits up straighter and takes another sip of the bitter coffee. He grimaces and forces it down.

“You like him?”

“I thought that much was obvious.”

“He’s daring, doesn’t seem to care too much about consequences.” Leia notes and Poe nods, that he definitely doesn’t.

“Fearless even.” Poe says.

“And you like that?”

Poe shrugs.

“Yes. But not only that. He’s happy, positive. I can barely remember what that feels like.” 

Leia squeezes his hand and he squeezes back.

“Do you know I can’t remember the last time I laughed?”

“I can’t remember the last time you laughed either.”

“Well I laughed so much yesterday, more than I have since mom and dad died. It was like I had forgotten how to and then he opened the floodgates and I didn’t know how to stop.”

“Honey.” Leia looks sad and Poe averts his eyes. 

“I don’t want to stop.” He mutters. 

“I know, I know.”

“But I don’t know what to do Leia.” He looks at her again.

“I can’t tell you what to do, I never have been able to. But you do what you must and then we’ll see what happens.”

“That’s not helping me.”

She smiles cryptically.

“Maybe it’s not me who needs to help you.”

“Maybe not.” Poe says quietly.

After tea he goes back to his room. He thinks about going back to bed when he almost walks past the shoes in the bathroom. He picks the ones belonging to Finn up and studies them. He should go to bed, leave the shoes and have Paige deliver them back to Finn. That’s what he should do. He knows it’s the best thing to do here.

Ah fuck, he thinks and picks them up. He walks into his room and ignores his comfortable looking bed, and looks for a box to carry them in. He passes his face in the mirror and he looks utterly dreadful. He tries fixing his hair, to make it look less unruly but it’s in vain. He decides that it will have to be what it is and then he leaves. He knows the way to third class by now and he’s nervously clenching and unclenching his fists, just to do something with his hands. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous all of a sudden. He’s just going to return some shoes, nothing else. If anything what he and Finn did yesterday should be more nerve wracking than this. 

Somehow it isn’t, somehow everything feels different now. Poe’s been so completely sidetracked by him it should scare him. And it does, in the way that it’s dangerous for them to be together and how he knows it could break him completely. Undo him. Rejection that could burn him so hard he would never consider touching another man again. He’s scared, but at the same time it all falls away too. Finn is just overpowering, calming and something with it all just feels like it’s… right. Poe doesn’t believe in a higher power, he never has, because he’s never seen the point of it. But if he did he would say that this feels something like faith? He can’t even explain it in terms that it make sense, it just feels like Finn and him are bound together by something much bigger than this world. Not that he going to start running his mouth about it to anyone, not even to Finn. But he just feels calmer knowing that he found someone that could be worth being an absolute fool for. It’s beautiful in a strange unclear kind of way.

He’s surprised that he manages to find him so quickly, the boat is big after all, but something just tells him Finn would be outside. He is, he has a cigarette behind his ear and he’s wearing the same jacket he was the first time they met. It’s windy but the air is refreshing to Poe. He has a chess board in front of him and Poe smiles. Of course he’s a chess player. Is there anything he doesn’t do?

He walks over.

“Hi.” He says. Finn turns around in surprise, seemingly a little startled. His face breaks out in a smile though and Poe’s heart clenches. Fuck.

“Well look who it is.” Finn says and looks him over. Poe sits down opposite him. 

“How are we feeling?” Finn smirks and Poe gives him a look.

“Terrible.” It makes Finn laugh and it vibrates through Poe’s body, warming him in the cold wind.

“And you?” Poe asks, he looks him over and he seems fine to Poe. He wonders how that came about.

“Oh not too bad.”

“Lucky you.” Poe mutters and it makes Finn laugh again. It’s a beautiful sound and Poe wants to bottle it up somewhere so he can listen to it forever. He never wants to forget what it sounds like.

“So about last night -”

“Do you play chess?” Finn interrupts him. Poe stops.

“Erm… barely.”

“Works for me.” He says and sets the board up for them. Poe hasn’t played in ages, he was always a little too impatient for chess. His dad taught him how to play when he was a kid so he remembers how all the pieces move but that’s really about it. Finn goes first.

“So you came here to talk about last night then?”

“Well no, I came to return your shoes.” He says and hands Finn the box. 

“Ah I forgot about the shoes, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I am going to wear them when I go through immigration in New York. No one will even look twice at me when I waltz into New York with these on.” Finn grins and that makes Poe smile.

“I’m sure they won’t.” Poe moves a pawn forward. Finn takes some time with his next move.

Finn’s silent, but when the knight has moved he speaks. 

“The reason I wouldn’t sleep with you last night is because you are nervous today, fidgety. Imagine if it would have happened. You wouldn’t have dared to see me again.” Finn says casually and straight to the pointing. Apparently he’s not dancing around the subject today. Poe almost knocks over the knight he’s planning on moving. His cheeks heats and his heart stops.

“And now you’re blushing.” But Finn laughs gently. Poe’s surprised by the honesty of the conversation. Last night they were tiptoeing around the subject and now they’re somehow talking about sleeping with each other.

“So you would sleep with me then? I was beginning to think you never would.” Finn’s eyes widen slightly and Poe smiles a small smile and looks down again, moving the knight. 

“I would.” Finn says seriously. “But I am still not sure you would be able to handle it.”

“You’d be surprised.” Poe looks up again and meet his eyes. Finn’s lip quirks.

“Maybe.”

Finn seems to have planned a move already and takes one of Poe’s pawns. He’s closing in on Poe’s king already and Poe doesn’t know how he did it so quickly. He’s going to have to protect it now.

“I try and not sleep with married men as a rule. It tends to complicate things.” Finn says.

“I’m not married.”

“Not yet.”

“Finn…”

“Check.” Finn says and Poe looks down on the board. He is indeed in check. He moves the tower in front of the king to protect it. The game of chess suddenly feels more serious than it is. Like it’s reflecting the conversation happening in front of them. Finn is putting Poe under pressure, trying to get him to open up. If Poe was a clever man he would say that his king represents his own heart in which Finn are constantly making advances towards.

“I’m not married.” He says again.

“But you will be.”

“I haven’t said yes.”

“But you are going to.” Finn says and moves a bishop, giving Poe a little bit of space to breathe on the board. Purposely done then Poe thinks.

“You’re not making it easy for me are you?” He means that in the game as much as in the conversation.

Finn’s lip quirks.

“I never said I would sweetpea.”

“Still not the one.” Finn smiles and waits for Poe to make a move.

“So we are going to tiptoe around each other for the rest of the journey then?”

“Maybe.”

Poe rolls his eyes, Finn really is frustrating today. 

“You’ve gone from blabbering my ear off yesterday, having an answer to every goddamn question and now you’ve suddenly decided to go tight lipped?” Poe moves another knight, maybe a little too aggressive.

“Maybe I’m waiting for you to do all the talking from now on.”

“Well we won’t be getting far then.” He mutters.

“Doesn’t that answer my questions then?”

“What question?” 

“If you actually want to sleep with me or not.” Finn says but doesn’t look at him as he moves his queen putting pressure on Poe again. 

“What makes you think I don’t?” Poe asks.

“I think, Poe Dameron, that you would like to in theory, or maybe you would very much like to actually do it, to test it out. What would it be like to sleep with a man like me? Very different from what you are used to I’m betting. Maybe you have just enough courage to try it out one last time before you go back to your mundane little life where there are no dangerous men like me around, ready to dishevel you a little, ready to rock your world on its axis. But I don’t think you could handle it because it would be too much for you. We would have sex and then what would happen? You would run off again and never speak to me, ashamed of what you did, ashamed of all the screaming in pleasure you did, my name on your lips. And then you would cowardly go back to the people suffocating you... and then what?”

Poe flushes red in embarrassment but mostly in anger. He clenches his fists and narrows his eyes.

“Fuck you!” He says and stands up. He takes a step away from Finn and turns his back on him, looking out at the water, the wind tousling his hair. They are alone out here, it’s quiet, only the sound of the waves as company. Poe looks down again and the flashback of wanting to jump comes back suddenly. 

He can’t remember too much of it and he isn’t sure if he really wanted to jump after all.

“Sorry.” Finn says, keeping his distance. Poe doesn’t turn around.

“You’re only supposed to say sorry if you mean it. You meant every word of what you just said.” He says bitterly. Finn sighs.

“I did, but are they not true?”

“No they are not.” He grits out refusing to look at him. 

“Okay so tell me what the truth is then?” He comes up and stands beside him but keeps his distance still.

“I don’t remember how to laugh.” Poe says. He sees Finn take a breath in the corner of his eye.

“I know.” He says eventually. He sounds sad about it.

“I’d like to remember how to.”

“Okay.”

“And the reason I would like to sleep with you because I genuinely like you and I think you know as well as I do that it’s hard to come by these days.” A loaded pause, but Poe sees Finn eventually nod. “ And you would like to sleep with me because, well I don’t actually know. Maybe it’s you who would like to sleep with a rich man to try it out, and not the other way around. But I also don’t need to sleep with you… But it’s a dangerous game we’ve been playing at here. And I don’t want to keep playing anymore. It’s getting too serious for me to be able to see straight. So if you are toying with me, I’d like you to stop right now so I can go back to my own life and not have to think about what this was, what it could have been....” He says and hugs himself a little closer, to protect himself from the wind, and maybe something else too. 

“I don’t want to play the game anymore.” He whispers.

“Okay, let’s stop.” Finn whispers back. Poe looks at him tentatively, not sure what to say or do, or if Finn means what he’s just said.

“Let’s stop pretending.” Finn says again.

“Okay.” He whispers back. Finn doesn’t seem to know what to say either and he stands quietly by his side. 

“Do you want to go back to the game.”

Poe shrugs. “You’re winning anyway.” But he steps away from the railing and follows Finn back.

“I’ll go easy on you.”

Poe snorts. 

“That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

“Maybe you changed my mind after your little speech.”

Poe hums as a reply and waits for Finn to make a move. 

“It was a good speech.” Finn jokes and Poe rolls his eyes. 

“Maybe I’ll make a career in public speaking.” He jokes and Finn moves a bishop randomly on the board. 

“Not a bad idea actually. Maybe I’ll write your speeches for you.”

“Maybe you should make a career out of it. Become a politician.”

“Sounds dreadful.”

“Yeah it does, doesn’t it?” Poe moves a pawn and blocks Finn in. “But somehow I have a feeling you’d be surprisingly good at it. People like you, many would probably even follow you too.”

“I don’t mind the idea of helping people, but politics, it seems too sterile for me. I want excitement.”

“At least you have an idea where you want to start.”

“I do.”

“And Rey, what would she like to do in America?”

“I don’t know, but she’s good with cars, can fix up everything.”

Poe thinks it over, he’s not sure if it’s right of him to extent his help. Is it overstepping? Arrogant of him even.

“What are you thinking of?” Finn interrupts his thoughts. He stops biting at his lip and shrugs.

“I have some friends working for Ford, the car company, if she’d be interested.”

“Friends?”

“Real friends.” Poe reassures him. 

“I see, well you could ask her if you want.”

“Right.” He thinks he could do it if he’d be drunk, but Rey is a little scary and he runs the chance of her having a go at him if he’s overstepping with a proposition like this.

“She won’t beat you up.”

“I’m not so sure.” Finn chuckles. 

“We could all do with some help from time to time.” Finn locks eyes with him and Poe nods.

“Yeah I guess.”

Finn checkmates him after a few turns, apparently getting tired of indulging Poe. Things go back to some sort of truce. Poe’s a little out of it, the hangover once again making itself known and the earlier conversation hangs heavy between them. But they’re friendly again, less flirty but still somewhat not. It’s confusing as hell but Finn seems to have toned down his advances and Poe isn’t sure if he likes it or not. Finn is playful, that’s just who he is and Poe is not. But he can’t remember the last time he outright told another man he wanted to sleep with him and he didn’t run in the other direction, so this is something. On their third game Finn asks.

“So what is America like?”

“Busy.” Poe jokes.

“Busier than London?”

“Well New York definitely is, they have all the skyscrapers and people are constantly in a hurry. You’re never bored though that’s for sure.”

“Lots of jobs?”

“I think so yes.”

“Lots of men?”

Poe chokes, not expecting it.

“If you know where to look.”

“We live in changing times.” Finn jokes. Poe frowns.

“Not changing fast enough for my taste. We probably won’t even be alive when it is legal to be in love with a man.”

“Yeah but that’s not going to stop any of us is it? Just because we aren’t allowed to love who we want doesn’t mean that you and me are going to stop liking men, or all the women who like women, or the people who like both.”

“No, I guess not.”

“That would be giving in to them. I’m not doing that.”

“You end up in prison for this kind of thing.”

“At least I’ll be there living my true self.” He shrugs like he doesn’t care and Poe wishes he could have some of that courage, he doesn’t know where Finn gets it from.

“You’re something else you know that right?” He doesn’t look him in the eyes as he says it. 

“It gets easier if you surround yourself with people who don’t care.” Finn offers.

“And Rey? She knows?”

Finn nods.

“And she doesn’t mind?”

“No she doesn’t care.”

“Lucky.” But he means that.

“And Leia? She knows about you doesn’t she? And about us I’m guessing.”

“She does. And I don’t know if she cares. She’s a complicated woman that’s for sure, but she’s probably the most understandable one out of all of them.”

“And your parents?”

“I try not to think about what they would say if they knew.”

Finn looks sad but doesn’t say anything. Poe knows there is nothing to say to that anyway. 

“Checkmate.” Finn says and Poe groans.

“Why are we even playing? You just keep winning.”

“You’re not too bad, you keep getting better with each try.”

“Sure.” He says sarcastically.

“So what are you doing tonight then?” Finn asks. Poe shrugs.

“Same old same old, I’m guessing.”

“Well when you’re done with doing the same old same meet me at 9 o’clock. I have something to show you.” Finn says cryptically.

“What?”

“I can’t tell you, it’s a surprise.” 

Poe laughs and Finn beams.

“Okay Mr. Mysterious.” He says, but a thrill goes through him at the thought of seeing more of Finn. He will take what he can get at the moment. 

“You’ll have something to look forward to, to get you through dinner.”

“That I will.” And he really thinks it will make it all more bearable tonight. Poe smiles and Finn offers him his hand to help him up. Poe makes sure to step away from him, maybe more for Finn’s benefit than his own. Finn lifts an eyebrow, he’s been seen through and he shrugs. Finn ignores it and gathers the chessboard up and starts walking away.

“See you later pretty boy.” He says.

“You’re getting closer with the nicknames.” Poe calls back after him and hears him chuckle. He makes his way back, the walk not as dreadful as it would normally be. He doesn’t know where Finn and he stand, the conversation from today not making anything clearer. But he really likes him, he’s so different and interesting and he keeps Poe on his toes. Everything is just exciting, in a way it’s never been before. Poe the ever starving hopeful fool for love understands now that this is what he’s waited all his life for. What the hell should he do now? The knowledge makes nothing clearer for him. As he walks the wind starts to pick up and he shivers in the cold. 

He makes it up to first class and then his luck runs out.

Hux stands waiting for him, arms crossed and a cruel smile on his lips.

“What do you want?” Poe says coldly. He tries walking past him but Hux steps in his way. He looks him over, calculating.

“You look well.” He smirks knowingly. Poe has nothing to hide.

“Spit out whatever it is that you want so I can get it over with.”

“As you wish. Palpatine wants to see you, right now, no complaints, no avoiding it.”

“Great.” He mutters but Hux lets him pass at least.

“I would be careful with the company you keep Poe. Finn doesn’t seem like a man that can afford to be seen with you for much longer.”

“Excuse me?” Poe stops short and clenches his fists. He turns around and Hux watches him levelly back. 

“You’re screwed.” Hux says and then he takes off. Poe has a moment to wonder what it means but he’s beginning to suspect the worst. With a beating heart he walks toward the rooms Palpatine keeps. Whatever is to come Poe is going to be eaten alive.

He knocks on the door.

“Come in.” Palpatine calls and Poe feels like he’s walking to his own execution. 

“Ah Poe, please sit down.” His tone jovial, too friendly. He’s standing up by his desk looking through a folder, looking regal and powerful. Poe gulps and does as he’s been told. With measured movements he puts the folder down and leans forward, closing in on Poe’s personal space.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine thank you.”

“I see, did you have fun last night?”

“Sure.” He says trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“I understand, and how was the third class last night? I understand there was a party going on.”

Poe feels his heart sink. Fuck… He was followed? He didn’t even do anything he shouldn’t have done either and yet he feels shame pool in his stomach. Sometimes he hates Palpatine with all his heart. And yet he has such strong memories of being young and foolish and wanting nothing more than this man’s approval. He had sunk his claws deep into Poe at that age, sent him on a path that he had mapped out, tried to groom Poe into some unfeeling robot. A product of Palpatine’s that he could proudly waltz around however he pleased. Poe had naively forgotten what the name Dameron meant and had thought that everything Palpatine had done was out of care. He was filled with so much self hatred, so much rage that he didn’t recognise himself when he looked into the mirror. He still has a scar on his left wrist from when he slammed his hand down onto his reflection, just to escape the hollow eyes staring back.

Leia had stepped in and shipped him off to boarding school and Poe thinks that ultimately saved his life. Palpatine’s reach was strong but not even he could control everything. There Poe had met Professor Hinckley and he had introduced Poe to art. It took time, but he began to understand what had been done to him and slowly let go of everything that he had been taught. It was hard and much of what had been left by people who tried to make him into what they wanted, was still there. But it was much better than it used to be. At boarding school Poe had also met Muran, someone Palpatine had made sure to dispose of as soon as Poe graduated.

“Yes.” He says, back in the room again and resists the strong urge to sink lower into the seat.

“So, do you have anything to tell me?” Palpatine says softly and Poe shakes his head, not trusting his voice to bear. The silence that follows scares Poe. Palpatine stares at him, unwavering and Poe isn’t sure for how much longer he can keep it up. 

“Should we just get this over with? I have things to attend to and so do you.” He smiles, but it sends a shiver down Poe’s spine.

“Right.”

“So, my young man you’ve had your fun now. I let you go off to Europe galavanting around like a single man. But that’s over now. You are coming back to America and then you are getting married like I have told you to do. And you are not going to say anything, you are going to smile and play the part in this all. Then you are going to take over the company your parents left you and be a good little sport about it. No more of your theatrical stunts, am I making myself clear?” He says, his voice low and commanding. Poe opens his mouth, to try and protest and Palpatine seems to sense it.

“And if you don’t do what I say then I am going to get my hands dirty. You do remember the last time I did that don’t you? Ah, Muran, he had such a bright future didn’t he? Such a shame his scholarships were all pulled and he had to go back home to work for his father. I do wonder what happened to him.” The temperature in the room drops and Poe freezes in his seat. Palpatine laughs.

“So, what do you think of getting Finn arrested for beastiality? He was seen leaving your room late last night after all, so who knows what happened in there. And there are already so many rumours about you my boy. It would be easy enough to spin them some more. Poe Dameron engaging in sodomy with third class passenger. Can you imagine, the scandal. But of course Poe Dameron can be saved after all, it was all a mistake. He is kind-hearted and sweet and wanted to help out a man less fortunate than himself. But what happened to the other man? Ah you see he was shipped right back to England to prison where he belongs. And there he’s staying, rotting away with all those other men, until the very day he dies.”

There is a pressure just above Poe’s heart, making it hard to breathe. The fight goes out of him completely. He shrinks back, feeling small and useless. Palpatine wins again.

“W-what?” He chokes out.

“You heard me. Do not test my patience Poe. You have done that enough already. From now on you are going to dress up nicely, be on your best behavior and smile. You have such a lovely smile. And then you are going to spend the rest of this journey with the people of your own class, and get to know Zorri Bliss. Am I making myself clear?”

Poe doesn’t look at him. He looks at his feet, focuses on the worn leader that’s starting to fray. He closes his eyes. What can he do here? He cannot rob Finn of a chance to get to America. It’s all Finn wants, a new chance at life. In the end it’s an easy choice to make.

“Yes.” He says.

“Yes…?”

“Yes Sir.” He says. Palpatine smiles.

“Good boy, you can leave now. Send in Ben for me when you’re done will you?”

Poe nods and on autopilot he gets up. His legs take him outside and he says.

“He wants to see you.”

Ben nods and Poe walks on. He makes it back to his room and when he closes the door the fight goes out of him. He sinks to the ground and doesn’t get up. The tears come and he screams into his hands. Fuck. Fuck, fuck!

His hands shake uncontrollably. For most of his life he’s been afraid of that man because every time Poe thinks he has the upper hand in something, when he thinks he’s doing something better the rug gets pulled from underneath his feet and he ends up in a situation tied more tightly to Palpatine than before. He’s always there to be controlled, to be prodded at for the benefit of others. The light feels like it’s an illusion and now it’s finally breaking away enough for Poe to see that all he got was a little bit of a break from the darkness and all its inhabiting monsters, but that’s all over now. He’s back where he started and he will never escape this place.

How could he have been so utterly stupid? How could he think that he could get away from all of this? He will never be rid of them. But the worst thing is that he’s terrified now. Not just for himself but for Finn too. His hands shake and he feels trapped in a way he hasn’t before. But he knows he will go through with all of what’s been said, not for Palpatine, for Finn. He will play the game and Finn will come out the winner in the end. Finn will survive and Poe will be left behind, and that is going to have to be good enough. He can do it as long as he knows that Finn will be alright. Finn is worth it. He doesn’t know how long he lays on the ground but somehow he gets up, takes another shower, cleans the room, getting rid of all reminders that Finn was even there. And then he gets ready for dinner. 

He walks out of the room smiling.

XXXX

When Poe doesn’t show up that night Finn gets worried. He just knows something is off. Poe had seemed too excited about it all to stand him up without notice. It’s not like him. He waits an hour before he gives up and walks back down to his room, defeated and worried.

“What’s wrong?” Rose asks, she’s laying on Rey’s bed while Rey is doing some of her weird exercises on the ground. It’s not unusual for Finn to see, she’s done them most of their life together. 

“I don’t know. Poe stood me up.”

“Okay, he’s rich, maybe he got bored of you.”

“Rey.” Finn warns her. Rey shrugs. “He wouldn’t do that.”

“How do you know? You don’t even know him very well.”

“I know but I have a feeling. Things were different between us when I left him, he wouldn’t have stood me up if something didn’t happen.”

“What did I say about getting involved?” Rey says doing a handstand. Rose chuckles and eats an apple she must have found from Finn’s food stash. He doesn’t care.

“I’m not involved.” He tries to defend.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Fine I’m involved.”

“Okay, so stop.”

“Well I can’t!”

“Finn, what good can come from you chasing after him?”

“Nothing I guess. But he’s different from all the rest.”

“I know.” She says softly and stops for a second, then she gets up and walks over to him give him a hug. Finn lets her and closes his eyes.

“Maybe he was not interested anymore.”

“Maybe.” But Finn knows that’s not the truth. Today really did prove that. Poe had exposed something of himself that Finn suspects he doesn’t show often. He’s convinced something has happened. He tosses and turns the whole night, not sleeping well at all. 

The next morning he sits outside and waits again. Poe doesn’t show and when he spots Palpatine on the first class deck he knows something is up. He makes up his mind after that and makes up a plan on how to get up there. The plan consists of climbing up the railing when no one is looking because he is desperate, and today he can’t actually waltz into first class and be expected to be taken seriously. It takes him a few tries to get the hang of it but no one seems to pay any attention to him today. He makes it up without any accidents and he dusts his shirt off confidently. A kid is playing with a ball, kicking it back and forth with his father and Finn easily sneaks past them. 

He spots a jacket and looks around himself before he quickly puts it over his ragged clothes. For the first time he’s feeling very aware that he doesn’t belong here and how easily he could get kicked out. He walks around the corner to where he saw Palpatine earlier and then he waits. Finn is almost ready to leave by the time the company finally shows up. But Finn just had a feeling, something he can’t really explain, that Poe would be there and it seems he was right. And he is, looking similarly to what he did the first time Finn saw him, defeated, sad and starved. He walks by a woman who is chatting enthusiastically to him and he offers a few words himself, but apart from that he looks a little like a zombie to Finn. Finn hides and when they walk past him he seizes the chance. He grabs Poe and pushes him into the corner, putting a hand against his mouth so he doesn’t make a sound. His eyes widen, but he doesn’t put up a struggle. And now they are pressed close together, closer than they’ve ever been before. Finn quickly removes his hand and steps back.

“You never showed yesterday.” He says, Poe doesn’t look at him.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“Why?”

“Because we were fooling ourselves yesterday. It was stupid, whatever this was we should both forget about it and go our separate ways.”

“Poe - ”

“No, Finn I am serious.”

Finn sighs. Defeatedly he cups Poe’s cheek and forces him to meet his eyes. They look lifeless again and it makes Finn’s heart sink.

“Poe, listen to me.” Poe tries to look away and Finn grabs his head with both his hands, refusing to let him go.

“No listen to me.” Poe stops struggling and meets his eyes. 

“I’m no fool Poe. I know how the world works. I know it maybe better than you do, but this is not the way. You and me both know what you tried to do when we first met. I never said anything out of respect to you. But that feeling of hopelessness, of paralyzing sadness, it will come back again. And stronger this time. And when it happens again you might not be as lucky as you were this time. I might not be able to save you.”

“It’s not up to you to save me Finn.”

“You’re right, I know that, I know that.... Only you can save yourself... But you, Poe Dameron, are the most frustrating human being I have ever met and I can’t just sit by and let this happen to you... if you really want me to let you go I will. Even though something tells me I really shouldn’t.”

Poe closes his eyes, he’s visibly struggling with something and Finn doesn’t know what it is. 

“Don’t let these people control you. You’re stronger than them, you can break free.”

“Stop.” Poe says and his eyes are closed and his voice tight and Finn thinks he might cry. What is going on?

“No.” Finn says. Poe opens his eyes and they are glassed over and he’s biting at his lips and Finn wants to kiss him and what the fuck, this it not what he came here for.

“You don’t know what’s going on Finn, and I-I can’t explain it to you. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“America is your dream, you have to make it there and I’m not going to stop you.”

“Why would you stop me?”

Poe doesn’t answer. Finn frowns.

“What did they do?”

“It doesn’t matter, you’re going to America and then I will never see you again and that’s final.”

“No.”

“Yes.” Poe says and crosses his arms. Finn lets go of his head but doesn’t step back.

“It’s not up to you to save me either.” Finn echoes the words and Poe flinches.

“They will ruin your life Finn.”

“I don’t care.”

“You should, they are dangerous.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why are you being like this!” Poe explodes and Finn is a little taken aback by the sudden anger. “Of course it matters, it’s the biggest thing in your life, the most important thing. That’s why you’re here. Stop being stupid.” He pushes Finn back in anger and points at him. Finn has a brief moment to think that his priorities seem to have shifted a little since he got on the ship, but it doesn’t seem like the right thing to say. 

“You’re - I am.. ahh!” Poe exclaims and tries to leave. He doesn’t get far, Finn grabs his arm before he gets too far away and slams him back against the wall, crowds his space and Poe gulps.

“Listen to me Poe Dameron.” He starts. “Whatever happens I am going to be okay. I will get out of it, I always do. But you might not. I have to know that if I leave you here you will be okay.”

“I will be okay.” He grits out in frustration but Finn isn’t sure he believes him. Finn searches his face looking for any signs at all, anything or something, he doesn’t know what he’s looking for but he can’t leave until he knows for sure. 

“Do you promise me?” He asks softly. Poe stops struggling and Finn holds his breath.

“I will be okay.” He says gently. Finn lets go of the breath he was holding and then he steps in close. Poe’s eyes widen but Finn doesn’t care and he reaches forward and rests his head on Poe’s forehead. Just stands in Poe’s presence for a little while longer. Just to breathe the same air as him. To smell him one last time. He wants to remember that smell, light citrusy and something more musty. Poe’s breath hitches but then it evens out and he brings his hands up to Finn’s forearms and then he very gently pulls them off himself.

“I will be okay.” He says again more reassuringly and Finn closes his eyes. This is his last chance. The last time he will ever be able to touch him. He should have done it earlier, why did he have to be such a fool? He thought they would have at least a little longer together. And now when they don’t he doesn’t know what to do or to say, how to make anything better. 

But through some sheer strength he opens his eyes again and reaches forward, slowly, and then he pushes some of Poe’s curls back from his forehead and smiles.

“Okay.” Poe watches him do it, looks and looks and looks and then he steps away and disappears.

And just like that he is gone.

Finn doesn’t look after him, can’t put himself through that. But he does think that letting Poe Dameron walk out of his life is the hardest thing he has ever done.

XXXX

Poe makes it back to the rest of the company.

“Where were you?” Zorri asks and Poe lies.

“I just thought I saw a dolphin that’s all.” He tries to smile and her eyes light up.

“Oh really? I have always wanted to see a dolphin.” Poe smiles again and doesn’t say anything, because he doubts his voice will have the strength to carry right now. The rest of them look at him and he ignores them all. He wants to walk back into his room and crawl into bed but he refuses to do that. And he refuses to think about Finn because it’s just a little too painful for him. They walk up to the captain of the ship and Poe’s attention is brought back at the mention of icebergs.

“Icebergs?” He asks.

“Oh nothing to worry about, quite common on the waters at this time of the year. In fact we’re speeding up, I’ve just ordered the last boilers up.” The Captain says. Poe nods.

“Okay.”

They continue their tour and Poe falls into step with Mr. Andrews, needing a moment away from Zorri. He looks at the lifeboats and frowns.

“Mr. Andrews, forgive me for asking but I did the sum in my head and with the lifeboats times the capacity you mentioned it seems there are not enough of them aboard for everyone.”

“Yes, about half actually. In fact I put in these new type davits, which can take an extra row of boats here.” Mr. Andrews gestures along the deck and Poe looks. 

“But it was thought by, well… some that the deck would look too cluttered. So I was overruled.” He snorts and Poe grimaces. Of course.

“I see.” 

“Waste of deck space as it is, on an unsinkable ship.” Palpatine says as he walks past them both slapping the boats in the process. 

“No need to worry Poe, I have built you a good ship, strong and true. She’s all the lifeboat you’ll need.” He pats Poe gently on the arm before he steps away. Poe eyes the lifeboats and really hopes that’s true because if it comes down to it the thought of not being able to swim in these waters are deeply unsettling.

The tour continues on and Poe doesn’t listen much. He’s back in that bubble again, and he wants to scream and break it open. But he can’t, he can’t, he can’t he can’t because Finn will lose everything if he does. He thinks about that, of Finn, of his smile, of his eyes and of his beautiful face and how all his dreams will be shattered in a heartbeat if Poe leaves these people. 

And yet he wants nothing more than to be with him again.

Dinner rolls around and Poe can’t remember how he got there. The food doesn’t taste like anything and he doesn’t want to keep any of it down. Leia is shooting him worried looks and he ignores them too.

“The wedding invitations should be sent out as soon as we get back to New York. A photoshoot is obligatory, we need it to be in the papers. Poe Dameron finally married.” He hears Palpatine distanly say. 

Poe looks at a little boy and a little girl sat a few tables away from him with their mother as company. The children are both dressed up in neatly pressed clothes and Poe thinks of himself at that age. Not much older than that when his own parents died. The girl is wearing white gloves and she picks up a cookie. Poe sees the mother start to correct her, on the way she holds the tea cup and how her posture is. The girl looks disappointed, she seems so eager to please. The mother corrects the posture of the boy too, and fixes his hair back, slick and strict. She does it again and again when a wayward curl stubbornly pops back up at the sides. It’s something Poe remembers doing himself, getting himself into a frenzy about his curls who refused to lay straight, no matter how hard he tried. They still won’t, no matter how much product he uses. It makes him stand out like a sore thumb. The mother shows the boy how to properly hold a fork and Poe has a painful flashback of getting hit on his fingers when he didn’t manage to please. He can’t take his eyes away from them, the painful conditioning he suffered as a child to become a perfect American man, obedient and lenient. Silent and perfect, living up to standards he would never be able to please. The conversation with Finn plays so loudly in his head again and he can’t make it stop. Something in him snaps then. Just like that and he feels painfully clear again. Slowly and deliberately he turns back at the table and spills the glass of red wine all over himself.

“Oh, look at what I’ve done.” He says calmly.

XXXX

Finn really has had a shit day. He’s miserable and annoyed and angry and sad. He has avoided everyone and he doesn’t want to see or speak to his friends. He just needs a moment to himself, just to gather his bearings so he can snap back into being positive and happy about America again. While being with Poe he’s almost forgotten that he is indeed going to the land of dreams, because his brain has been a little too occupied with the most interesting man he’s ever met. But he’s cut his ties now, he got close but when he thinks about it did he really get that close? He doesn’t know Poe Dameron that well, even though there was something with him that just felt important and right. It upsets him a little knowing that he didn’t get to know him completely, see all sides to him.

He groans. Fuck. He still kept the drawing, laying neatly folded in his pocket. He touches it in reassurance, just to see if it’s still there. It’s a good memory to have, even with all the pain it brings him in this moment.

But he will be okay, he always is. He just needs some distance and peace and then he can go about his own life doing whatever he wants again. He should be off this boat in three days and then he will never have to see Poe Dameron and his stupid face ever again. 

“Hi there stranger, is this seat taken?” Finn drops the lighter and almost falls off the bench he’s laying on, he swings his arms and legs about until he finally gets his balance back. He turns around.

Poe fucking Dameron has the audacity to laugh.

“Hi.” Poe says softly and fidgets with his hands before he stops and takes a determined step towards Finn.

“Hi.” Finn says in disbelief. Poe’s lip quirks.

“You’re here?” Finn asks, a little disbelieving again. He’s not sure if this is real.

“I’m here.” Poe says and smiles. 

“Why?”

“I did some thinking…”

“And?”

“I took your advice.” That does make Finn laugh, loud and genuine and he cheers and jumps up and down. Poe laughs too and rolls his eyes.

“Shh shhh, we’re going to get a crowd if you continue like this.” He says and steps into Finn’s space and puts his hand across his mouth, but his eyes are mirthful and alive and Finn is relieved to see them like this. 

“I don’t care.” Finn mumbles through Poe’s hand. When Poe doesn’t take it away he licks it and Poe lets out an incredulous shriek.

“Are you kidding me?” He asks disbelievingly and wipes his hand on Finn’s coat. Finn wiggles his eyebrows. Somehow life just returned to him in the form of Poe Dameron and he wants to shout it to the stars. Poe walks up to the railing and looks down, Finn comes to stand beside him. The sun is setting, the sky pink and orange and the colours blend together to create something peaceful and beautiful. Finn wishes he could take a photo of Poe like this, with all the colours in it. 

“I was really going to jump that day, wasn’t I?” He hears Poe ask. Finn bites his lip.

“I think so.”

“Well I’m happy I didn’t, thanks for saving me.”

“I’m happy you didn’t either.” Finn takes his hand and squeezes, it makes Poe smile and he squeezes it back.

“So what now?” Finn asks him and Poe shrugs.

“I don’t actually know.” He laughs. “How crazy, I have no idea.” another one bubbles up from Poe and Finn actually thinks it’s in relief.

“Okay, you’ll figure it out.” Finn says.

“Okay.” Poe says quietly. He turns his head slightly and looks at Finn through his eye lashes and Finn is once again overcome by the urge to kiss him. It’s getting harder and harder to suppress it each time he feels like doing it, and even harder to think of an excuse not to do it. But right here is not the place. 

“What?” Poe says still in that gentle tone. Finn shakes his head.

“Nothing.”

“I don’t believe you.” Poe chuckles but looks away. No I bet you don’t, Finn thinks. Poe’s curls blow in the gentle breeze and it makes them stand up again. They’re free too Finn thinks, it seems fitting. Poe tries to tame them, flattening them down and shaking them out of his eyes.

“You know these stupid curls never would lay the way I wanted them. Never, they just do what they want.” He gives up and Finn chuckles.

“I like them better like this anyway, untamed, free. Fits your spirit better.”

“You think I have an untamed spirit?” Poe snorts.

“A fiery one, deep down there under all the bullshit you put up to protect yourself.”

“How can you tell?” Poe asks and tilts his head. Finn reaches forward and cups his cheek.

“Because I see you.” He says softly. He retracts his hand but Poe is quicker, grabs for it and doesn’t let go.

“Poe.” Finn warns.

“Why?” He asks defiantly and Finn smiles, secretly a little proud.

“This is not the place for it.” 

“Fine.” But Poe lets him go. He steps off the railing.

“I know of a place.” He says and doesn’t wait for Finn to follow. Just expects him to and of course Finn is a fool and he does. The tables have suddenly turned, Finn the one following Poe now. It seems fitting for some reason too, and he really can’t think of a reason why he wouldn’t follow Poe into the unknown. He does know where they are going though, remembers the way back to Poe’s room by now. Poe smiles and holds the door open for him, Finn steps in. The room is tidier than the other night and Finn wonders if Poe cleaned it himself.

“You cleaned.” He remarks.

“I was expecting the company.” Poe says and locks the door. The sound echoing in the room. They really are in dangerous terrain now. Things are about to get very serious and Finn really can’t think of a reason why he wouldn’t push Poe up against that stupid door and kiss him senseless. For some reason he doesn’t, not just yet. 

“You did now did you?” Finn says and lays down on the couch Poe fell asleep on the other day. 

“Yes.”

“You take all men you meet back to cleaned rooms then do you?”

“Only the special ones.” Poe smiles.

“I’m special now am I?”

“Yes.” He says a little breathlessly and Finn’s heartbeat speeds up.

“Does Howard’s End end happily?”

“What?” Poe asks, surprised by the sudden change of conversation.

“I didn’t get to finish it the other night, so does it?”

“Somewhat. Tradition and modernity clash and people have to take a side.”

“And do they?” He gets up from the couch again and takes a step towards Poe.

“Not all.”

“Because?” Another step.

“Because they are afraid.”

“Why?” Poe smiles.

“You could read the book and find out.”

“Maybe when I am in New York.”

“Howards End, which used to be the scene of the tragedy is revealed as a place of poetic justice and redemption by the end. And Margaret resolves the conflict and chooses to stand by her sister.”

“I see.”

“So somewhat a happy ending I guess.”

“So there is a happy ending out there to chase?”

“For us?”

“Yes.” He says daringly and takes another step forward.

“Maybe.” Poe says. 

“But you’re not certain?”

“Is anything in this life ever?”

Finn shakes his head.

“No they are not.”

“So what do you propose we do about it then?” Poe says and bites his lip. He’s still leaning against the wall so Finn does the only logical thing he can think of and takes another step forward. He’s almost by Poe, almost close enough to touch, but not just yet. 

“Maybe it’s time you and I explore some new… territories.”

“Is that so?” 

“I think so, don’t you?”

“Depends on what territories you are referring to.”

“One would be me pressing you up against that wall and kissing you senseless, another one would be you screaming my name a few times this very night, another would be -”

“Finn.” Poe’s voice is painfully high, and his cheeks are flushed red but his eyes. Oh his eyes are the darkest Finn’s ever seen them. 

“Yes?” He stays where he is.

“What will it take for you to come over and do at least one of the things you just mentioned?”

“I’m not sure.” But he takes another deliberate step forward, almost in Poe’s space.

“You’re not going to make this easy are you?”

“I would never do that for you flyboy.”

“Huh.”

“What?” Finn asks.

“Flyboy is the best one you’ve come up with so far.” It makes Finn chuckle.

“I see.”

“So about the other thing we were talking about….” Poe says. Finn takes mercy on him and crowds him against the door. He’s taller than Poe and he’s never before thought about how much. Poe breathes a little heavier and Finn really really wants to kiss him now. But still not just yet, now that he knows what’s going to happen, when he knows that this evening will probably end with their clothes spread on the floor and them naked in Poe’s bedroom he wants to draw it out a little longer, tease Poe a little more. Just to push one last time. 

“Yes…?” He leans closer to Poe’s lips and he licks his lips, Poe hungrily tracing the movement. Their noses touch and they are breathing the same air. Poe leans forward.

“Poe.” He warns.

“Why?” Poe whispers.

“Are you sure you can handle it?” He needs to ask.

“Yes.”

“And you are not going to regret this tomorrow.”

“For fuck’s sake Finn, stop being a goddamn tease and kiss me already.” He demands and Finn laughs. He leans in again and Poe’s eyes fall shut. At the last minute Finn doesn’t kiss him and Poe opens his eyes again in frustration. He rolls his eyes and leans forward but Finn isn’t done yet, he pulls at Poe’s hair forcing his head back against the wall. Poe hisses and his eyes fall shut. Interesting.

“Finn -”

He pulls again and Poe makes a similar sound as his head thumps against the door. Poe groans. His neck is exposed and Finn finally gets to do what he’s been thinking about doing ever since the stupid bathtub. He licks up Poe’s neck and Poe’s head falls back against the wall, harder this time. He pulls Finn closer by his jacket and Finn presses into him and pushes him further into the wall. He feels Poe’s pulse flutter and he smirks. That’s where he will mark his spot. He licks the spot again and then he bites down, gently at first, and then more persistent. Poe hisses again and tilts his head, giving Finn more access. It will leave a mark, just under Poe’s shirt line. Perfect, he thinks. He moves further up to his ear and gently bites down.

“You are such a tease.” Poe says, his voice strained and his breathing uneven.

“I know.” He moves to his cheek and places a gentle kiss there, and then further down again onto his chin. Poe turns his head and their noses touch. It’s time.

“I’m going to kiss you now Poe Dameron.” He whispers. Poe nods.

“Okay.” He whispers back. And ever so slowly he leans forward. Poe keeps his eyes open this time and they lock eyes all the while Finn’s leaning in. When their lips touch it sends an actual shiver down Finn’s spine. Poe’s lips are soft and his beard scrapes against Finn’s chin. He doesn’t care, all he knows is that he needs more, and he needs more of him now. The kiss doesn’t stay slow for long, Poe gets impatient and asks for entrance. Finn obeys and he groans when his tongue touches Poe’s. Fuck he thinks. He presses Poe further into the wall and Poe grabs his neck pressing him into him. Finn’s breathing is hard as he licks into Poe’s mouth and flicks his tongue, just under Poe’s teeth. It brings an actual moan from Poe’s lips and Finn does it again because that sound went straight to his dick. He moves his leg to the right, just so he can feel the whole of Poe under him. Through the many layers of clothing Finn can still feel it when he grazes Poe’s dick and Poe hisses. Finn bites down on his lip, hard and Poe throws his head back again.

“You’ll get a bump on your head if you keep doing that.” But his voice doesn’t sound like his own, it’s dark and hoarse and he stops kissing Poe for a while to take a look at him. His hair is in disarray, the curls looking wilder than ever, and his lips are red from the kissing, and his face is flushed in arousal and he’s honestly the hottest thing Finn has ever laid eyes on.

“Fucking hell.” He says and dives back in kissing Poe hard on his lips.

“What?” Poe chokes out. 

“You’re just… honestly the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” Poe flushes a different kind of red, and Finn laughs. How can he be so hot and cute at the same time? Finn doesn’t understand. He reaches out with his hand and Poe takes it. He pulls Poe off the wall and starts walking him into the bedroom instead.

“You might prefer a pillow instead of the wall.”

“How thoughtful of you.” Poe says and then he reaches for Finn’s jacket and pulls it off his shoulders. Finn lets it fall and then he gets out of his own shoes. Poe does the same and Finn helps him out of the suit jacket. He puts it over the back of the sofa and Poe shakes his head. Finn shrugs and undoes Poe’s tie. It falls to the floor too. It is joined by Finn’s shirt and his undershirt too. Finn lets him have that for a little while. Poe’s hands trail his chest in awe, his mouth hanging open in daze and Finn sees him lick his lips. But Finn’s had enough and he hoists Poe up by the legs. Poe lets out a surprised noise and quickly puts his hands around Finn’s neck to steady himself. It doesn’t take Finn long to get to the bedroom, the bed actually clean from stuff this time around and he throws Poe down on it. He bounces and Finn laughs before he joins him. Poe sits up and Finn leans down to kiss him again. Poe’s hand touches his bare chest again and he moves it over to his left nipple, and he flicks it gently. Finn actually hisses and Poe sits back and smirks.

“Poe.” But it’s not really a warning. Poe leans forward and his lips connect with it, he licks, and Finn grips the sheet. His breath hitches and he tilts his head back, allowing the pleasure of it to overwhelm him a little. He’s fucking hard right now and he wonders if he will even last very long. He gets his hands under Poe’s undershirt and pulls it off him, it makes Poe stop what he’s doing with his mouth and it gives Finn a little bit of a break. They’re both left in their trousers now and Finn’s eyes darken some more at the sight of Poe. He pushes him down against the sheets and kisses him again. Poe’s hands find the back of his neck and he pushes Finn further into him and he moans again when their dicks touch. Poe throws his head back and Finn spots a chain around his neck. He stops what he’s doing and Poe opens his eyes. He looks a little disoriented and Finn smirks. He’s got mad skills that’s for sure. 

“What’s this?” He asks and pulls at Poe’s necklace. It looks like it takes Poe a moment to gather himself enough to form any coherent thoughts. Finn likes that, Poe’s a constant over thinker, he worries and he fidgets. None of those traits are present now, instead Poe’s desperate and needy and a little commanding and Finn makes a mental note of that to add to his ever growing list of things that Poe Dameron is. He’s never felt this strongly for anyone else he’s met. 

“It’s my mother’s ring. I’ve carried it with me since she died. Just a little piece of her. I was always planning on giving it… to the right person, I guess.” Poe says a little shyly and rubs his head self-consciously. Finn smiles fondly and feels his heart tug at Poe’s words. He reaches forward and gently cups his cheek, Poe’s eyes finds his and Finn says:

“That’s lovely.” Poe smiles too and nods. He takes the ring off and kisses it, smiles a little shyly and then puts it down by the small table, touches it once more before he leaves it there. Finn kisses him again, softly and caringly, a little different than from a minute ago. But in a way that makes it feel endlessly full of emotion. Finn hopes the kiss can convey what words can’t say. What Poe just shared speaks volumes about what kind of a soul he is. Lonely, that longs for connection. The kiss remains sweet and gentle for a while, Finn revels in it and then, because Poe is impatient, turns a little playful and it has Poe smiling into it. Finn is the one to break it and he sits back on his heels, slowing down the whole thing. Poe looks a little impatient and Finn inwardly rolls his eyes. A little bit of a spoiled brat that expects to be given certain things, that he definitely is. It’s especially why it’s so much fun to tease him. 

“Okay.” Finn says a little out of breath. Poe is looking wrecked and it’s very hard for Finn to concentrate on anything other than him being shirtless and very ready to have some fun. Right, focus Finn.

“Should we talk about what we are about to do?”

Poe groans and throws his head back on the bed.

“What is it with you and talking today?”

Finn chuckles but shrugs. “I think it’s an important part of the process.”

“No more talking Finn.”

“I just want us to be on the same page.” He says gently and Poe looks him straight in the eyes and says,

“We are, I want you to go over to that cupboard, take out everything we need and then I want you to fuck me.” He says demandingly and not for a second breaking eye contact with Finn. Finn gulps and is actually rendered a little speechless over what Poe just said.

“Right….” His voice only shakes a little. Poe sits up on his arms and kisses him again, gentler again and then he nudges him with his nose.

“Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah yeah, sure really good. Perfect.” He rambles on. He swears his brain has just short circuited by hearing those words. 

Finn’s had sex with other men before, in fact quite a lot of sex, but nothing has sent a thrill down his spine quiet the same way Poe Dameron’s demand has. Poe chuckles, pushes him off the bed and points to where Finn needs to go. He finds what he needs and he does wonder why Poe Dameron has a tube of lube with him on a ship. He shakes his head and decides that he doesn’t care. He’s never wanted to have sex with someone as badly as he wants to with Poe anyway. He gets back to bed and makes sure to get rid of his own trousers in the process, stepping out of them, and does not miss the look that passes over Poe’s features as he sees him. Poe actually licks his lips and Finn leans forward to lick into Poe’s mouth. The sound Poe makes is loud and it rivets through his body. Poe’s hand feels his way down Finn’s side, stroking and leaving goosebumps in their wake, runs his hand down Finn’s ass and squeezes. Finn bites at Poe’s neck again and Poe twitches underneath him. Poe’s hand continues on their journey and slowly but deliberately makes its way over to Finn’s dick. It twitches in interest and Poe palms him through the thin cotton boxers he’s wearing. Finn moans and moves his body down towards Poe’s body to get more friction. Poe lets out a soft breathy sound against Finn’s mouth and his hand clenches by Finn’s side. 

Finn’s own hands find Poe’s body and he’s trying to do too many things at once, working over toned muscle to hear more of the sounds Poe is making, but mostly Finn wants to memorize him, burn the image of Poe like this into his mind forever. He kisses him again, because he can’t get enough and then starts to make his way down Poe’s body, mapping it out as he goes, remembering the noises he makes at certain points. Poe arches, out of breath and lets out soft moans each time Finn moves his mouth. He bites down on one of Poe’s nipples and he trembles, one of his hands twisting the sheet.

“Finn…” He says breathlessly and Finn thinks he could easily make him come just like this. Poe moves again, seeking some sort of friction and Finn bites down harder, hiding his own groan at the tension it brings. Poe moves his legs then, to make space for Finn to settle between them and Finn ruts and presses Poe further into the mattress. Another tremble goes through Poe and he lets out a whine. Finn captures it with his mouth. Finn grinds down again and Poe’s arm slips around his neck, pushing him even further into himself. Their kissing turn desperate and messy and Finn thinks he would be a happy man just kissing Poe. Their bodies are now pressed so close together that it feels like they are sharing the same breath. Finn whines into Poe’s mouth and Poe flicks his tongue.

“I am going to come in my pants if we don’t do something about this situation.” Finn says out of breath and high pitched. Poe moves his hand away from Finn’s neck and gives him the tube of lube.

“Are you sure?” Finn asks, he needs to be sure.

“Yes, I am sure. I promise.” Poe says and they lock eyes. Everything falls away for a moment and all Finn can see is Poe’s face and how hard he is trembling against Finn. 

“I am sure.” He says again and Finn believes him. He reaches down and presses a soft kiss to Poe’s mouth before he moves further down. Poe’s head pops up and he watches, eyes dark and biting his lip and he’s so fucking hot Finn doesn’t know what to do with it all. He presses an open mouthed kiss to Poe’s thigh and Poe squirms against the sheets. Finn moves to his boxer and very slowly removes them, throws them off somewhere to his right and almost gasps at the sight of Poe. Poe falls back against the bed and lies perfectly still. His already leaking and Finn can’t help but lick his way up his shaft. 

“F-fuck.” Poe says and trashes against the sheets. Finn pushes him down and forces him to lie still. He runs a hand over his face and tries to calm his breathing. Finn repeats the motion and Poe bites his lip harder, almost drawing blood. It’s already a little too much for Finn as well, seeing Poe this way is undoing him. He opens up the tube and puts some of the cold liquid on his fingers and slowly reaches forward. He brushes his thumb over Poe’s hole and Poe jerks, groans and shoves his head between his hands, trying to calm his breathing. Finn does it again while at the same time licking his way up Poe’s dick, Poe moans and his thighs tremble. Finn is so hard but he’s so aware of it all that he really doesn’t want to hurt Poe. But Pos is getting impatient as he is and Finn makes up his mind. He presses his lubed up thumb and stretches him open. Poe moans even louder and Finn’s thumb slips in easily enough. Finn has half a mind left to wonder about the neighbours, they aren’t exactly being silent.

Poe shifts a little, seeking some friction again and Finn retracts his thumb and starts lubing up two more fingers. Poe is making sounds again, like his voice can’t seem to form. He’s still panting hard and he is covered in sweat, hot and amazing. He slowly begins pushing his index finger inside, slow and careful not wanting to cause Poe any pain. His breath catches but he doesn’t say anything, and Finn takes it as everything is okay. He’s tight and hot and Finn feels a little faint by the idea of being inside of him, no boundaries, just the two of them together. He starts working him open, trying to get the stretch of his finger to disappear before he adds in another finger. After a while Poe starts shivering, arching his back off the bed again and his hands clenching and unclenching the sheets. 

“You’re the hottest thing ever right now.” Finn says, to ease the seriousness of everything but he means it too. Never did he think having sex with Poe Dameron would be this beautiful. Poe chuckles, but it quickly turns into another moan as Finn curls his finger. 

“Finn…” Poe pants hard and struggles to form any words. “Add another f-finger. I can take it.” Finn curls his finger again and Poe throws his head back.

“Okay.” He takes his finger out and lubes up another. He works in his second finger, even more carefully than before.

“Oh my God.” Poe says. He’s a little tight still and Finn makes sure to be extra careful. He takes Poe into his mouth, to distract him and Poe trembles, his muscles spasming uncontrollably. He slowly starts opening up to Finn’s fingers inside of him and it’s so beautiful to see him like this, Finn has to bite back the groan threatening to escape him. He didn’t know what he expected this to be like, but Poe is surprising and incredible so it shouldn’t really surprise him that doing this would be nothing short of extraordinary. Poe’s face is flushed and beautiful, a sheen of sweat covering him and his curls insanely all over the place from Poe running his hands through them. He starts rocking against Finn’s finger, to the motions of them moving inside of him. Finn really should not be surprised that Poe is impatient, often expecting to get what he wants. But he’s too tight still for Finn to feel comfortable with a third finger.

“Poe.” Finn warns as Poe moves again.

“No, no more of that.” Poe says bossily. Finn rolls his eyes. He is just not going to fall for this, he is not. But his defences weakens when Poe begs.

“Please.”

“Oh my God.” Finn chokes out and Poe smirks. He scissors his fingers then and Poe’s smirk falls off his face. His toes curl into a point and his whole back arches of the bed, his voice a complete mess. If it wasn’t so fucking hot Finn would feel victorious over Poe’s silence. But because he’s starting to struggle with coherent thoughts, wanting to press into Poe’s heat so badly, everything is getting harder to control. He does his best to loosen more of Poe’s muscles before he puts more lube on his third finger. His whole body trembles as Finn’s third finger enters. He twitches tightly around Finn and Finn bites back his own whine. Fucking hell.

Poe’s body literally yields to him and honestly Finn is ready to come now because the sight is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. His brain is running out of words to even describe it all. 

“You have to tell me if it hurts or if you want me to stop.” Finn says.

Poe shudders.

“Yes I will tell you if it hurts.” He gets out through clenched teeth and Finn nods before he scissors his fingers again drawing a gasp from Poe. He twists his fingers and Poe’s mouth hangs open before he pulls them all out again, and then in, working up a rhythm. Poe starts rocking back against him, accepting the rhythm, and every time Finn curls his fingers Poe lets out a breathy moan or a small cry that make it hard for Finn to focus. 

“Finn, if you keep this up I am going to come.” Poe says and Finn immediately slows the pace, not wanting that to happen. He keeps pressing into the spot that seems to make Poe groan but he slows the thrusting of his fingers first, not wanting Poe to come without Finn inside of him. 

“I didn’t mean that as a way of oh Finn please slow down, I meant it as please get it over with and put your dick inside of me.” Poe says and Finn’s eyes widen at the sarcastic little shit he is sounding like. He laughs though because it surprises him, and it’s so very funny. 

“Your highness.” Finn says and Poe looks up at him and rolls his eyes.

“Would you do me the honour of fucking me then? Please.” Poe says and Finn aches now.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.” He’s still apprehensive about it, fingers never managing to actually capture the real feel of a dick inside. But since Poe is asking so nicely and Finn has half a brain left, and because at this stage he’d do about anything for Poe, he pulls his fingers out. He shimmies out of his boxers, very hard and leaking from seeing Poe this way, and lubes himself up. Puts maybe a little bit too much on it, but he can’t be too careful here. He shuffles closer and lines himself up. Poe’s eyes are dark and he’s biting at his lip and Finn can’t take the fucking lip biting anymore. He takes a deep breath, needs to reel it in a little before he ever so slowly presses in. He clenches tight around Finn and Poe bites at his lip because it’s so much all of a sudden. Poe’s breath comes in short.

“Fucking hell.” He says.

“Breathe.” Finn tells him. He forces himself to stop moving, to stay absolutely still, allowing Poe to get used to the feeling of him inside. Finn feels Poe relax around him a little and then he nods.

“Okay, you can move now.” He says, his voice a little strained. Finn does, ever so slowly he rocks his hips forward, pressing in a little deeper into Poe. Poe hands finds his and he clutches at his hand, urging Finn on. Finn repeats the motion and for each thrust Poe opens up a little more to him. 

“You’re doing really good your Highness.” Finn jokes but his voice sounds absolutely wrecked even to his own ears. Poe chuckles but it ends in a sort of whine as Finn rolls his hips again, hitting the spot. He’s still very tight but with each thrust it gets easier and Finn is really struggling with how hot everything is. Poe’s other hand settles by Finn’s shoulder, his fingers digging into Finn’s muscle. His mouth falls open in pleasure as Finn eases his way in again and Finn reaches forward, planting another kiss on his exposed throat. Poe moans and his fingers dig harder into Finn’s shoulder. It’s almost painful but Finn doesn’t even care. He rolls his hips again, still very slow, into the heat and hits the spot again, making Poe’s legs tremble around him. 

“Oh my God.” Poe pants and Finn smiles. Oh my God indeed.

Finn reaches forward again, moves his hips and catches Poe’s lips in a kiss. Poe gasps and they are flushed skin on skin, panting, breathing the same air. Finn is soon going to lose his damn mind, this feels so overwhelmingly good. Keeping track of reality is a real struggle for him now. He tries to slow it down, just so he can get a moment.

Finn pulls out and then, easy and slow, and then pushes in again, a little further and Poe gaps against his mouth, relaxing almost instantly around him. But Finn is deeper in now and when he rolls his hips again Poe’s eyes roll back. 

“Fuck.” Poe says, his voice so hoarse it doesn’t sound like him at all. Poe moves his legs and anchors them around Finn.

“Come on Finn, make love to me.” He says and the words make Finn almost lose it right there. He tips his head forward and rests it on top of Poe’s. His eyes open and Finn smiles and cups his cheek. Kissing him long and slow.

“Okay.” He says gently and moves his hip a little quicker. They settle into a pace, slow and even, just feeling each other. But soon enough Poe gets impatient.

“More.” He demands and Finn obliges. He snaps his hips a little faster, getting deeper and at a better angle. Their clasped hands jerk against the sheets and Poe’s throwing his head back again, unable to contain his wrecked moan. Poe arches and tries to meet every motion of Finn’s hips and soon enough he’s a panting mess. He has a hazy look in his eyes, beautiful and blissed out. Finn has a hard time believing he really put it there. Finn snaps his hips again and Poe moans again. Finn thinks they might be loud, but he can’t bring himself to care about it, not when Poe looks like this. He picks up the pace and thrusts into Poe harder, chasing the spot. Poe actually loses his mind then. He bucks up, meeting the thrust and sobs. 

Oh my fucking God Finn thinks and does it again just to hear it again. It brings a similar reaction out of Poe and Finn knows he must be close. He’s a babbling mess and with each thrust he trembles. So Finn does the only logical thing he can think of and slows the pace completely again, just close enough to bring Poe to the edge and not allowing it to happen. He loves being a tease. Poe pants and trembles and Finn might be mean for not allowing him to come just yet. Poe reaches down for his own dick but Finn slaps his hand away, not allowing that either.

“Oh my God Finn, you fucking tease.” He whines and complains and opens his eyes, Finn moves his hips again, slow and deliberate, getting deeper still and Poe’s mouth falls open.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Poe is so hot though and yet Finn wants to push it one last time.

“You d-do though.” His voice is one again a wreck. Finn shakes his head and continues to roll his hips in this torturous way, almost bringing him to the edge but not fully. Poe trashes against the sheets trying to meet Finn’s pace but not getting the release he so desperately wants. Finn watches his toes curl again and he is so wild right now. Thrashing against the sheets in desperation, while Finn pushes him down making it harder for him to move. 

“Fiiiiiinn.” He whines. But Finn is not done just yet. This is a new side to him again, and Finn is transfixed by it. He rolls his hips even slower but makes sure to hit the right spot. Poe’s eyes roll back again and his mouth hangs open, no sounds coming out. His panting so hard that he is shaking and Finn wonders how much more Poe can take. He squeezes his hand and brings Poe back down again. His eyes open and Finn smirks. There he is. 

“You are such a fucking tease you know that right?” Poe grits out and Finn thrusts into him, a little harder and his eyes glaze over in pleasure.

“What was that?” He asks. 

“Please, please, please.” Poe starts to beg now and Finn decides to take mercy on him. He rolls his hips just a little quicker and Poe starts saying his name over and over again. Finn is not going to last much longer either, but he wants Poe to feel every ounce of pleasure before Finn comes. He rolls his hips harder and picks up the pace finally giving Poe what he wants. His breathing comes in short and his back arches higher and higher off the bed, meeting Finn’s thrusts head on. It’s all getting to Finn now, his logical side flown out the window and he gives himself over to the pleasure and picks up the pace even more, thrusting his hips harder. Poe moans again and he starts to shake. Finn works a hand in between them and pumps Poe’s dick a few times. Poe cries out, well he’s probably shouting actually, but it’s the best sound Finn’s ever heard and he continues on, relentlessly now, not giving Poe a break. 

It doesn’t take long for Poe to break apart completely underneath Finn. He comes with Finn’s name screaming it on his lips and he shudders, gripping Finn’s shoulder so tightly it is going to leave a fingermarks. Finn doesn’t take long after that, everything too hot and too much for him. His orgasm hits him so hard it almost knocks his breath out. 

“F-fuck!” He exclaims and buries his face in Poe’s neck, biting down hard. Poe twitches underneath him and Finn falls down on top of him, boneless and completely blissed out. Poe slumps against the sheets and throws an arm over Finn’s shoulder. Finn doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t think words can convey any rational thought at the moment. He comes down from his high, breathing hard still and Poe has his eyes closed. He lifts himself up and pulls out of Poe, very slowly. Poe hisses and Finn takes a look at the room. There are clothes laying everywhere, the sheets have come undone from the bed and Poe has cum all over his stomach. Finn thinks he’s going to remember this sight forever, whatever happens in his future. 

“Oh my God.” Poe says again, finding his voice. It’s hoarse and so hot “That was…”

“The best sex you’ve ever had?” Finn jokes and Poe sits up on his hands.

“Yes definitely.” And Finn smiles and reaches forward to mess up his curls some more. He gets out of the bed and walks into the bathroom, getting a cloth that he runs under water for a bit. He makes his way back to the bed and Poe has his eyes closed, looking like he’s sleeping. He sits down beside him and then he cleans Poe’s stomach up, because he’s nice like that. He throws the cloth away, doesn’t care too much about it and then he moves in close to Poe, hugging him close to his chest.

“Hi.” Poe says gently.

“Hi.” Finn answers.

XXXX

Poe is draped lazily across him, loose limbed and zoned out. Still of course looking almost as hot as when they had sex, but sleepy and cuddly and a little clingy as well. Finn keeps stroking his back, drawing shapes and figures and admiring him fully as he is now. He has a few dark marks on him, one by his neck and one on his stomach, it makes Poe twitch against him every time he touches them. They’re both naked still, Finn too lazy to care about getting up again. The sheet is covering Poe’s lower body and Finn wonders for a second if Poe is asleep. He nudges him and slowly Poe opens his eyes.

“Yes?” Poe leans forward and kisses Finn’s shoulder and something has now shifted between them. A line has been crossed tonight and whatever happens Finn thinks it will stay with him forever. Most of Poe’s worries seems to have dissipated and he’s now touching without hindrance. Like the floodgates have been opened and he can’t get enough of Finn. Finn feels similarly, he wants all of Poe close to him too. Always within reach so he can feel him near. 

“Just checking if you’re awake.” Finn says softly and now because he actually can he reaches forward to push back some of Poe’s hair, it makes him smile.

“Barely.” Poe says and closes his eyes again. Finn hums but lets him do it. He goes back to the stroking, enjoying the moment of quiet peacefulness they’re having.

“What happens when we get off the ship Finn?” Poe whispers suddenly and Finn can detect a nervousness about him again. Finn looks down at him and Poe’s eyes remain closed.

“Whatever you want.”

“I just… I just don’t think I can go back to my life after this, not after what just happened... I don’t want to go back to it without you.” He confesses shyly. But he opens his eyes and Finn nods, he understands.

“Okay, then when this boat docks you and I get off together.” He offers Poe the solution, just like that. Poe looks closer at him, studies his face and sighs.

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It could be.”

Poe looks thoughtful and bites at his lip, like he does when he thinks.

“Maybe…”

“It doesn’t have to be so complicated either.”

“I guess.” He says and moves to lie back down on Finn’s chest. Finn strokes his hair and Poe stretches like a cat. Finn snorts, but he continues with what he’s doing, being very aware that he cannot push Poe into making a decision about this. It has to come from him, he needs to be the one to decide. Not Finn, even though he would really like to get off this boat and have Poe Dameron in his life forever. 

“America, the land of opportunity, it could mean something to you too if you’d take the chance.” Finn says and Poe remains quiet.

“I’ve never met anyone like you.” Poe whispers, almost making it sound like Finn isn’t supposed to hear it. He nudges Poe’s forehead with his nose and Poe sits up. Finn leans in and kisses him, his hands sneaking their way back into Poe’s hair, messing it up even more. Poe grips Finn tightly, even though they just were as close as they could possibly be together, it doesn’t seem like that was enough. The kiss deepens and Finn’s hands makes their way down Poe’s body towards his -

There is a sudden knocking on the door, loud and persistent.

“Leave it.” Finn whispers into Poe’s mouth. He thinks he will but then the knocking turns louder and more aggressive and Poe moves away. He groans and glares at the door and Finn’s mouth chases after him. Poe gets up and Finn pulls him back, just for a minute to place a kiss on his lips and Poe smiles. He walks over to the dresser and puts on a silk bathrobe. It looks ridiculously fancy.

“Coming.” Poe shouts and Finn throws himself back onto the bed and pulls at his face. He hears Poe unlock and then open the door.

“Oh, Ben. Hi, what do you want?” Poe asks sheepishly. Finn moves towards the edge of the bed, rolls away from the open door, so he can look straight through the crack but also be hidden from view at the same time.

“Were you sleeping?” Ben asks.

“Yeah yeah, sorry I took a nap.” Finn thinks it’s a terrible lie and he’s convinced Ben has seen straight through it. If not the lie then the state of Poe will tell Ben everything that has happened here tonight. He does not look like someone who has just taken a nap. Finn doesn’t even think Ben is that stupid. 

“Right…” He drawls. “Palpatine wanted to see you.”

“Right, yes I will get ready.”

“In here.”

“Oh, well give me a moment I need to clean up.”

Finn sees Ben trying to step past Poe and his arm shoots out, blocking the way.

“Do you have company?” Ben asks pointedly and Finn sees Poe tense.

“What makes you say that?” His tone is defensive and Finn thinks he’s going to lose his cool soon. 

“Nothing. I will give you a moment then.” Ben says and thankfully leaves. Poe slams the door in his face and locks it.

“Right.” Poe enters the room again. “You and me are going to have to get a move on if we don’t want to be in the claws of Palpatine and the beastly twins.”

“Oh, so you’re coming with me?” Finn asks approvingly.

“Yes, I have no intention of staying here.” Finn chuckles and gets out of the bed. He kisses Poe on the nose and then they get dressed between laughter and kisses, trying to find all of their clothes that have, for some reason, been spread all around the suite. Poe disses the suit for something a little more casual and Finn thinks it will help him blend in better.

“Finn.” Poe protests between the kisses that are placed all over his face. He giggles and tries to push him away. “We need to leave, they are coming for us.”

“Right, right.” And he gives him a last peck before he walks back into the living room waiting for Poe.

“No, I have a better idea.” Poe says. He brings a chair from his room out to the door and places it underneath the handle.

“Clever.” Finn remarks as he is leaning against the couch. “You have just blocked out our only exit. I’m sure a chair will prevent them from entering.”

Poe rolls his eyes. 

“Shut up. And come with me.” Finn doesn’t question it and takes Poe's outstretched hand. Poe drags him into the closet of suits and feels his way around the back.

“What are you doing?”

“Shhh.” Poe says, a little bossy and Finn bites back the laughter. Hiding in a closet while they’ve just had minblowing sex seems countraproductive to Finn, and he’s just about to make that point. 

“Aha!” He says and Finn hears a click. A door opens and Poe steps through it. Finn joins him on the other side and realises that they are at the other end of the corridor. Clever.

“Come on.” Poe says and they take off in the other direction. Finn hears the commotion at the other end and ignores it, just walks on casually, like this is something he does every day.

“Hey! Hey you two wait up!” Poe looks at Finn and Finn smiles. He grabs Poe’s hand and then they’re off. He’s quick, Poe is keeping up and Finn can’t help but laugh at the men chasing them around like fugitives.

“Come on!” He says to Poe and Poe laughs as he stumbles into the opposite wall, losing contact with Finn’s hand for a bit. They rush into the elevator, shouting and stumbling. It shocks the operator and Finn pulls the steel gate shut before the operator does. 

“Down, down!” Poe shouts. 

“Come on, quicker quicker!” 

The gate shudders as the two men run into it, trapped on the other side. Ben’s one of them and he slams his hand down on the bars. It rattles under his strength, Ben is a surprisingly big guy. But Finn laughs and points at his face, just because he can. And Poe, well he gives Ben the finger and it sends Finn laughing even more. Finn watches Ben’s face disappear out of view. They rush out of the elevator at the E deck and Finn rushes Poe through a door, in the process making Poe stumble into a waiter. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Poe giggles and tries to help the poor man. Finn grabs his arm and drags him along, Poe’s laughter filling the whole corridor. He opens the swinging doors and leans against the opposite wall, now having a pretty good view of the staircase. 

“Tough fella that Ben.” He remarks. Poe heaves a breath by his side.

“He was in the army for a while.”

“No shit, no wonder he’s so quick.”

“That was fun.” Poe giggles and Finn laughs at his giddiness.

“You ever done anything like that before?”

“No, of course -”

“Oh shit!” Finn whispers. Ben is ascending the stairs quickly and spots them at the other end of the corridor.

“Run!” Poe says and takes off. Finn runs after him, around the corner, and they run straight into a dead end.

“What now?” Poe whispers a little desperate. Finn sees the door marked with CREW ONLY and he flings it open, ushering Poe inside. He slams it shut and bolts it close, sighing in relief as he hears Ben’s fist connect with it, the door not giving an inch. They’re inside a boiler room and it’s loud and small. Poe covers his ears and Finn doesn’t have a clue what he’s trying to say to him. He throws him a kiss and Poe rolls his eyes. But he looks happier than Finn’s ever seen him, wild and crazy and breathing heavily. Finn motions to the ladder going down, the only way out of here.

“After you, kind Sir.” Poe seems to catch it and he looks down and up at Finn giving him a skeptical look.

“It’s that or Ben. You pick.”

He seems to make up his mind and starts to climb down. Finn joins him and he stops short in amazement when he’s on the ground. The boiler room looks like a vision from hell, the fires painting everything in reddish colours, the smoke and the black figures moving in the smoky glow. It’s loud too, the roaring furnaces burning hot and making him sweat almost immediately. Poe grabs his hand and they take off running again to the confusion of the trimmers with their wheelbarrows and smoky faces.

“Don’t mind us. Keep up the good work men.” Finn shouts merrily and Poe laughs again.

“Oi, what are the two of you doing here?” Someone shouts and Poe picks up the speed. Poe pulls him with him straight through two hot boilers, white steaming smoke covering them both and Poe stubbornly pushes through. Finn has never felt more alive than in this moment, running for dear life and Poe holding tightly onto his hand. It’s beautiful. They get out of the boiler room and Poe opens the door to the cargo unit. Finn laughs in the silence, the laughter echoing off the walls.

“Ah damn, that was something else.” He walks further into the room, his eyebrows raise at all the things that are packed neatly against the walls. Boxes stacked on each other as high as cities. There’s a shift in temperature in here, a lot cooler than before and he sees Poe hug himself closer to shield himself from it.

“Look at this!” Finn exclaims and looks at the motorbike that’s standing in the corner.

“Finn.” Poe says. He distractedly turns around and Poe wears a mischievous smile. 

“Yeah?” He asks, not sure what to expect. 

“Have you ever had sex in a car before?” Finn’s eyes widen and Poe smirks as he leans against a burgundy car. 

“N-no.” He says and licks his lips, his dick giving an interesting twitch at the idea. Poe opens the door he’s leaning against.

“Well Mr. what do you say we give it a go?”

“Sure.” He tries and sound casual. Poe holds the door open for him and Finn climbs inside. The compartment is in brown leather, comfortable and slick. Poe closes the door and climbs into Finn’s lap.

“Hi.” He says softly.

“Hi.” Finn says and nudges him with his nose. Poe’s arms find their way around Finn’s neck and brings their head closer together. Finn strokes Poe’s face and ever so slowly Poe reaches forward to kiss each and every one of his fingers, leaving him hot and bothered and even more amazed by Poe.

The car windows fog up and in the midst of all the pleasure Finn throws a hand up against the window, to steady himself. The car is marked forever now, just like Finn and Poe both will be.

XXXX

Poe is laughing so much he can barely stand up. Finn is in a similar state and as they push their way through the crew exit onto the deck of the ship. Poe wants to scream at the top of his lungs about how he feels. His breath fogs the air but he doesn’t feel cold, his blood is running hot on happiness and he thinks... love. It’s silly of him but what he and Finn have just done is the craziest thing he’s ever pulled in his pathetic life. because that’s what it falls like, the way he’s been living has been small and useless and stupid, because life can apparently also be like this, when you are so high on it it feels like you can run a mile. It makes him feel invincible. Like he can now take on the whole world now.

“Did you see their faces?” Finn throws his head back in laughter again and Poe tries not to think about it too hard, it will send him over the edge again.

“That was the best thing I have ever seen.” Finn almost loses balance from the laughter and Poe steadies him with a hand.

“Okay.” Poe says suddenly. Finn stops laughing and looks at him, brows furrowed together.

“Okay what?”

“When this ship docks, I am getting off with you.” He means it, every word of it. Finn’s eyes widen and he stops moving.

“For real?”

“Yes.” Poe says and smiles.

“This is crazy!” Finn laughs again.

“I know! It doesn’t make any sense but that’s what makes me trust it even more. It’s just right.” 

Finn beams and he steps in close. They’re out in the open and somehow Poe doesn’t care. Finn hugs him, so tightly and then spins him around whooping and laughing. Poe joins him because he can’t help it. He’s going to do the most crazy thing he has ever done in his life and it feels so right.

It feels like he’s been waiting for this day all his life, for his life to start for real so he can actually live it. He’s never been happier than this. With Finn he’s ready for anything. 

That’s when it happens.

Suddenly the whole ship shakes violently. 

Finn stumbles back, away from Poe who almost loses balance, but manages last minute not to fall. Poe’s has no idea what has just happened but then his eyes widen and Finn gapes, he sees it. The iceberg sails past them and for a moment it blocks off the sky, making it tower over them both like a mountain. Fragments of it suddenly break off and blocks of ice fall down to the deck.

“Get back!” Poe says and pulls Finn away as the tumbling ice closes in on them. The boat continues on and Finn takes off. He runs to the edge of the reeling and Poe follows, just in time to see the iceberg moving along the side of the ship, loud and vicious.

“Oh my God.” Poe whispers. 

“Shit…” Finn says breathlessly. 

Everything stills suddenly, the iceberg is out of sight and darkness surrounds them like a cloak of despair. Poe has a moment to think what he just saw didn’t actually happen. It feels like it didn’t, like it was just a bad dream.

“Oh look an iceberg!” Poe can hear people around him shout, the disturbance must have woken them up. The ice left on the deck soon turns into a game of kick, the ice flying around and people laughing. Poe feels scared, the laughing making everything seem eerie and haunted. He looks at Finn and can see his own fright mirrored on his face. Whatever happened, it is not good, Poe knows as much. The iceberg has disappeared and left is the complete darkness, suffocating and threatening, the sudden chilling wind and the thought of how they are in the middle of a dark black sea, left to their own devices. 

They are all alone.

“Let’s get out of here.” Finn says. Poe nods. All around them the ship is waking up, people are in their sleeping clothes and coats, confused and excited. They make their way up the stairs from the well deck, putting some distance between themselves and the water. Poe spots Mr. Andrews, Captain Smith with a bunch of other officers, walking past them, without sparing any of them a look.

“Boiler room six is flooded eight feet above the plate and the mail hold is worse. She’s all buckled in the front half.”

“Can you shore up?” Captain Smith asks.

“Not unless the pumps get ahead.”

“Have you seen the damage in the mail hold?” Mr. Andrews asks.

“No it’s flooded already.”

Poe doesn’t hear more of the conversation, the party walking past. 

“This is bad.” Finn whispers. Poe feels fear crawl its way up his spine. It’s all moving so fast suddenly, not even ten minutes ago things were okay and now parts of the boat is flooded. It doesn’t make any sense to him?

“I need to warn Leia and Snap and Jess. Get Bee Bee to safety.” Poe says. Finn nods solemnly.

“Yeah…”

“We will get Rey too.” Poe promises, Finn smiles and nods.

“Leia and Bee Bee first.”

They make their way back to Poe’s room, he’s walking quickly, the corridors feel long and never ending right now. He doesn’t like it. Poe is not surprised to find some commotion by his room when they get there, the door open and people milling around. He keeps Finn close to himself and with his head held high he enters, right back to the lions den. Leia, Luke, Ben and Palpatine are already there. Poe is relieved to find that Bee Bee is safely tucked into Leia’s arms.

“Something serious has happened.” Poe begins. His eyes find the strange three men who are all in there, one of them looking a little too much like a police officer to him. He doesn’t have time to think about what is going on right now, there are more pressing concerns at the moment. 

“That’s right.” Palpatine answers and steps forward. “Firstly something dear to me has been stolen this evening, though it seems to have found its way back where it belongs.” He looks from Poe to Finn, coldly. Poe squares his shoulders, he is not going to give in to this. 

“And the second thing. Where is your ring Poe?” All eyes are turned towards him and Poe feels confused.

“Where it always is, right he-” He feels his way up his neck, where it always is. He stops short. Somehow it’s not there. Poe’s heart starts beating, it’s the most valuable thing he owns. He can’t have lost it. Panic begins to claw at his chest. It’s his mother’s ring, he loves that ring. What -

“I see. I have a good idea where it might be.” Palpatine looks at Finn and Poe whirls around. His brow furrows. 

“Search him.” He points a long slender finger at Finn and Finn takes a step back, straight into Ben who is suddenly blocking the door.

“Coat off.” The Master at Arms says to Finn and he has no choice but to obey. He gives it to Ben who shakes it. The Master at Arms pats Finn down and Poe watches on, confused and feeling a little like the rug has been pulled from underneath his feet. 

“This is bullshit!” Finn says angrily. 

“Come on.” Poe tries. “We are in the middle of an emergency, this isn’t important, it can-”

“Is this the ring Mr. Dameron?”

Poe freezes and looks disbelievingly at the ring and up at Finn. He’s stunned and Finn seems to be unable to move too.

“Y-yes it is.” 

“Right then, don’t make a fuss Mr.” The Master at Arms steps up to Finn who doesn’t get far, Ben blocks his path and smirks. Right in front of Poe Finn gets handcuffed and he doesn’t understand how it happened. 

“Poe!” Finn pleads. “Poe don’t believe them, don’t you believe it Poe.”

Something in his voice makes Poe speak.

“He couldn’t have, I was with him the whole time.” But as he says it he knows it isn’t true. He left Finn alone for a minute in the bedroom where he also left the ring. He remembers exactly where. But it can’t be true.

“Of course he could have. People like him are all the same and you and I both know this ring is expensive, even a low life thief like him could see it.” Palpatine says. 

“But I was with him the whole time.” He tries to defend again. Palpatine steps up close to him and lowers his voice. 

“Maybe he did it while you were busy putting your clothes back on.” His tone is ice cold and Poe flinches, hotly and shamefully. It’s what he does best, talking about Poe’s life and his shames in such a casual way, yet inflicting such damage each time.

“Poe, they put it in my pocket, I would never take this from you.” But Poe suddenly isn’t sure, Palpatine’s words growing bigger in his head, taking claim over him and making it hard for him to think clearly. He’d told Finn about the ring, he knew what value it would have had. Could he really have done it?

The Master at Arms and Ben starts dragging a shouting and fighting Finn away from him and Poe feels utterly betrayed, pathetic, stupid and fool hearted for trusting him. He can’t stand to look any more. 

“Poe don’t trust these people! I didn’t do this, you know I would never do this to you.” He pleads one last time until he disappears and when he’s gone, Poe feels none the wiser about it all. What the hell just happened?

There are loud voices and knocks going on around in the corridors. Poe hears them clearly and he’s snapped out of his sadness realising once again that this ship is about to sink. He opens his mouth.

“All of you, please leave me and Poe. We have some things to discuss privately.” The air goes out of the room, it’s the tone that everyone knows not to argue with. Leia looks hesitant, Poe even thinks she might protest.

“I said leave us!” Leia nods and does, not even she has the strength to argue with him. And Poe is now alone. He needs to explain himself and the situation. He needs to -

The punch to his face comes out of nowhere and he reels back. Too shocked to even make a sound.

“You ungrateful little fag.” The word makes Poe’s inside churn, the word burning hot and painfully in his forehead. Palpatine grabs his shoulders roughly and Poe is expecting another blow. It doesn’t come. Insead his air supply is suddenly cut off. He makes a wheezing sound, clutching at his throat, trying to make Palpatine’s hands loosen their grip. He can’t breathe, panic begins to rise in his chest and everything threatens to blacken out around him.

“I should have given you a proper beating earlier-” 

Poe wheezes again and his eyes well up with tears, he can’t get any words out, he’s going to die here, he can’t-

There’s a knock on the door and an urgent voice. Palpatine lets go of him and he falls to the ground gasping for air. His whole body gives out and he lies on his side trying to make his lungs work again. He sees the outline of Palpatine’s shoes and closes his eyes. He’s paralyzed with fear, his hands starting to shake. He tries to hide it, clenching his fists so hard they will stop shaking. If he shows him he’s scared it will get worse, that much he knows. But he’s never ever been struck this hard before, not even by Palpatine. Not even the time he was called that word at boarding school and Muran had found him hours later, hiding with a bruised face and a bloody nose. He wasn’t as scared then as he is right now, in this room with this man. This is a new kind of intimidation tactic and he is not prepared for it. He’s scared to even speak, to even make a sound.

But Palpatine’s message has been received loud and clear and Poe understands that if he doesn’t start behaving accordingly, it will get so much worse for him. 

“Sir, I have been told to ask you to please put on your lifewests. You all have to come to the boat deck immediately.”

Poe’s body isn’t working, the fight has gone out of him.

“Get out, can’t you see that I am busy.”

Poe doesn’t want the steward to leave. He doesn’t know what happens if he’s left alone in here.

“I am under strict orders, everyone needs to leave.” He persists and steps inside, defying the command. Poe feels relief flood his whole system, as long as he gets out of here, out of this room he will be fine. He will never do anything like this ever again. He will obey every order he will be told from now on.

Poe sees the steward walk over to the dresser and get the lifewests out.

“Get up.” Palpatine commands and roughly shows him up by his collar. Poe’s legs are unsteady and everything hurts. He needs a moment to steady himself, his legs refusing to bear his weight. Palpatine looks him over and straightens out his clothes, then he smiles ice coldly.

“You and I are not done.”

Poe nods mutley and looks down. 

“I am sorry about the inconvenience Mr. Palpatine and Mr. Dameron but this is the Captain’s orders. Please dress warmly, it’s quite a cold night out there tonight.” He hands the lifewests to them and Poe takes his with a shaky hand.

“Are you alright Sir?” The steward asks and Poe nods.

“Quite alright.” He says, his voice hoarse and scratchy. He coughs, trying to make it go away. 

“This is absolutely ridiculous. I have rights and I have important matters to attend to.” Palpatine complains.

“Yes don’t we all.” The steward replies sarcastically and ushers them outside. Poe follows, scared and unable to move other than on autopilot. They gather near the staircase, where Poe has vivid memories of Finn....He stops himself immediately. Leia looks worriedly at him and Poe guesses his face is showing what occurred in the room. He stares stubbornly at the ground, absentmindedly aware of holding onto a lifewest. He feels like a zombie. 

“The goddamned English, doing everything by the book.”

“No need for that language.” Luke says, looking a little too calm for the situation, smoking his stupid cigarette. Poe sees people come and go, their faces not registering, just passing in and out of focus. It feels like they are all moving around him and he’s been bolted to the ground. He sees a face he thinks he recognises, Mr. Andrews. He enters the room, looking around the beautiful staircase, the ceiling and the decor, a heartbroken expression on his face. Poe sees it and his body moves. Somehow he knows that he needs to know what is happening. He feels Palpatine following closely behind him.

“I saw the iceberg Mr. Andrews, please tell me the truth.”

Mr. Andrews looks at him, heartbroken and cups his cheek.

“No need to worry.”

“Please, I see it in your eyes.” Poe begs. Mr. Andrews closes his eyes and nods.

“Alright. The ship will sink.”

“You are certain?”

“Yes, in an hour or so, all this beauty will be left at the bottom of the Atlantic.”

Poe nods but to his actual surprise it is Palpatine who speaks,

“My God.” He looks stunned and unsettled and Poe is a little surprised by the reaction.

“Please tell only the ones you must. I don’t want to be the cause of a panic. And then you get to a boat quickly Poe. Don’t wait, it is important that you don’t. You remember what I told you about the boats.” Poe does, of course he does.

“Yes, of course. Thank you.” Mr. Andrews touches his cheek once again before he takes off, telling people to put on lifewests and get to the boats. Poe feels like the dots in his head aren’t connecting, he feels like he is inside the bubble again, but it’s much worse this time around. People all around him are talking and he can’t hear it, can’t understand it.

“Come on.” Palpatine pushes him forward, but much gentler this time around.

“What is going on?” Leia asks.

“The ship is sinking, all of us need to get to the lifeboats.”

Luke, who has been looking too calm and collected for the seriousness of this situation starts to look unsettled now.

“Are you serious?”

“Very. We need to get everyone and then get off the ship as quickly as we can.”

Poe follows them, still not fully there. Everything has that distance around him again. Up on the deck people are moving, crewmen shouting orders but surrounded by a stillness that isn’t right for the situation they are in. Poe doesn’t know how to say anything, how he is supposed to tell them all to move quicker if they want to survive. 

“Start the loading, women and children only!”

Poe hears music then, it’s the band who is always playing and Poe doesn’t understand what they are doing out here either.

“Ladies please, step into the boat!”

The boats start loading, Poe watches the faces of the women, looking terrified over the edge. The boats aren’t even full Poe sees. Why are they not full?! 

A rocket bursts over their heads, green light illuminating the dark sky, and showcasing the people looking up, all of them now beginning to realise the severity of the situation. Poe’s head feels slow, jerky like the dots won’t connect in his head. He watches the farewells take place, men saying goodbye to children and wives, friends who are parted with friends and lovers who touch the cheeks of their lovers. Their faces carry worry and sadness on them and Poe thinks he’s forgetting something important.

“Come on now, off you go.” Leia says gently and tries to help women and children into the boats. She’s still carrying Bee Bee and Poe thinks that is fitting.

“I hope the lifeboats will be seated according to class. I don’t want them to be too crowded.” Hux sneers and something snaps in Poe at those words.

“Oh shut up Hux! You ignorant bastard, don’t you understand? This water is freezing, surely below zero by now and there are not enough boats, more than half of the people on the ship are going to die.” He advances and Luke pulls him back.

“Hey calm down.” He says gently. Poe throws his arms off himself and Hux actually seems to realise what is going on.

“At least the better half is going to live.” Palpatine remarks and Poe whirls around again.

“What?” He whispers.

“Don’t act so surprised, we should never have mixed with those kinds of people.” The clear hatred is showing on Palpatine’s face and Poe hands tighten. 

He sees something then, above to his right, it is a face he recognizes. Dark hair and brown eyes, trying to push her way through the masses, being pushed back but having a stubborn expression on her face, continuing on despite everything. It’s Rey, Poe realises with sudden clarity. Rey. Poe is suddenly thrown back in time, to a third class party and Rey smiling and telling him stories about what she and Finn used to get up to in London.

“He’s the most positive person I’ve ever known. We’ve had shit lives you know? Always poor and barely getting by and yet nothing has ever been able to bring him down. He always sees the positivity of everything somehow. He is the best person I know... but now he’s smiling in a different kind of way I haven’t seen before. Don’t hurt him. I don’t want that light to go out of him.” Rey had said, smiling and drinking and telling him things about Finn and their lives that added so much character to him. It sounded like the kind of life he had only been dreaming of having. 

“Okay.” Poe had answered and then Finn had come back and Rey had come up with a lie about what they were actually talking about. 

Poe sees her fighting her way through, trying to make sense of the chaos. She doesn’t know, Poe realises. She doesn’t know.

Something shifts inside of him, he’s not sure what but everything feels perfectly clear again, the fog dissipating and he’s left with some sort of purpose. He knows what he must do. He steps up to Leia and he gulps down the tears as he takes Bee Bee from her. The dog looks at him with his big eyes and Poe kisses his forehead.

“Good bye Bee Bee. I hope I get to see you soon again.” The dog tilts his head and Poe gives him back to Leia, too hard to look at him any longer. He wishes he could make him understand why he is leaving.

“Leia, get on the boat.” Poe says and hugs her.

“Go get him.” She whispers and Poe bites back the tears. Leia, the wisest of them all who took him in after his parents died, this is harder than he thought it would be.

“Be careful.”

“I will.” He cups her cheek and steps back, not being able to look at her leaving without him. Not knowing if he will see them both again. 

He takes a step away and turns around, not wanting to see what happens next. Palpatine grabs him roughly by the arm, pulling him back. Pain shoots through his forearm, the man surprisingly strong for his age. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

“Unhand me.” Poe says darkly. He has been scared of this man his whole life, but he is done with that now. He will never let this man intimidate him into silence again. He will not let Palpatine shamed him any more. 

“What did you just say?” Palpatine has a malicious expression on his face, one that means trouble for Poe. Something he would be terrified of if he wasn’t busy not giving an actual shit anymore.

“If you do not let go of me this very second I will make life difficult for you. Do you think I don’t know where the money from your campaign comes from? You’ve been careless. When we get off this boat I am making sure everyone knows what you have been up to in secret.” Poe warns, darkly and not giving one inch as he stares defyingly at Palpatine. His eyes widen.

“You and me are through.” He shoves Palpatine away from him, roughly and picks up his speed. He needs to find Rey. He pushes his way through people trying to get to Rey as quickly as he can. It’s hard, everywhere people are running and screaming and now when he can hear everything clearly again, it is so loud. Panic, fear, everywhere. The air is charged with it. When he gets up to the top deck he starts screaming her name.

“Rey!” He looks around, he can’t see her. He goes left, along the barboard side and tries to find her.

“Rey!”

“Poe?” He hears it and spins around. Rey’s hair is undone and she’s wearing sleeping clothes, looking as unsettled as he thinks someone like her could ever look. Which isn’t too much considering the situation they are in. 

“Rey.” He says and is so relieved to see her. He runs up to her and throws his arms around her. Thank God.

“What is going on?” She asks. “And where is Finn?”

Finn.

Finn.

Finn.

His mind screams. He needs to find him.

“I need you to come with me Rey.”

“Why?”

“Please come with me.” He pleads. He needs her to listen. She looks at his face and then she nods. He gives her his hand and she rolls her eyes but she takes it and he starts pushing his way through the people again. Rey stops as another firework shoots upwards.

“Are we sinking?” She asks.

“Yes.” Poe says and makes his way back to first class.

“Sir, you are not allowed to be here.” One of the stewards tries to stop Poe.

“Move.” He demands.

“Sir!”

“I am done being nice, move out of my way or I will make you.” The steward’s eyes widen but he steps aside.

“Where are we going?”

Ben steps out of one of the rooms and locks eyes with Poe. He feels fury at the pit of his stomach. The bastard.

“Where are you going?” Ben asks darkly and Poe steps up close, he doesn’t care about anything any more. He punches Ben as hard as he can and lets out a hiss when his fist connects with his jaw. Ben falls to the ground in shock and Poe walks past him, dragging Rey along, not giving any shits. Rey whistles and Poe’s lip moves upward on its own accord.

“Get to a boat Ben. We’re sinking, and I don’t want to see your face ever again.” He says and throws the door open to Leia’s room. 

“What are we doing in here?” Rey asks again, a stubborn edge to her voice, and Poe pushes further into Leia’s room and starts throwing stuff out of the wardrobe, looking for something appropriate.

“Listen to me Rey, the ship is sinking and there are not enough lifeboats for all, not even for half of us. They’re evacuating women and children as we speak, but they will do it by class.”

“Right.” She gives him a confused look.

“You stand no chance of getting on a boat in time at this rate. They’re not even evacuating enough people as we speak. You need to get on a boat.” He hands Rey a dress and it dawns on her face what is happening.

“No, what are you doing?” She crosses her arms,

“They’ll never take you on, please Rey listen to what I am saying. Please put on some of Leia’s stuff and it will make you pass as a woman in first class.”

“Where is Finn?”

And Poe lies. He doesn’t have it in him to tell her where he is.

“He’s fine, he went to get us both some lifewest and said if I were to find you to get you off the boat.”

“So this was his idea?”

“Yeah it was.”

Rey looks at him skeptically again and Poe doesn’t have time for her suspicion. 

“Rey we don’t have time for this.”

“Fine.” She throws her hands up and groans. She takes the dress Poe has given her, the most casual lowkey he could find and he turns around giving her some privacy. He goes back into the wardrobe and picks out a fur and a hat.

“A fur? Really?” Rey asks as he hands it to her.

“It’s cold out there, it will keep you warm.” She rolls her eyes but accepts it. He pushes the hat down over her head and hides her hair under it, and now she could almost pass as a first class lady. Almost. But no one is going to notice it.

“You get back up there to the first class people and you tell them your name is Rey Dameron and you are going to marry me.”

“What? No way!” She protests and Poe doesn’t have time for this.

“Rey, we don’t have time to argue, I am giving you a chance to get out. Take the goddamn name, it doesn’t matter!” He says angrily, something exploding inside of him. 

“What about you? What are you going to do?” 

“There is something I need to do first. I am coming after you. When you get on the boat look for a woman called Leia Organa, she will have my dog Bee Bee, and tell her you are a friend of me.”

Rey nods solemnly.

“Promise me Rey.”

They lock eyes, heavy, but she nods.

“I promise. Be careful.” 

“You too.” He squeezes her hand and doesn’t leave the room until he watches her make her way up to the first class deck. If anything she has to get out, get a chance for a future. She deserves it.

He takes off in a different direction and goes past the staircase. He has no idea where he needs to go, he just needs to find Finn.

By sheer luck Poe runs straight into Mr. Andrews and he laughs.

“Poe, what are you doing here, you need to go.”

Poe shakes his head, desperately.

“No no. I need your help. Thank God I found you. Do you know where the Master at Arms would take someone under arrest?”

“What are you talking about? No, you have to get to a boat.”

“No! I will do this with or without you, but without you it will take me longer.” He’s desperate. Mr. Andrews sighs.

“Take the elevator to the very bottom, go left, past the crewman’s passage and then make a right.”

“Bottom left and then right, okay I got it.”

“Hurry!” Mr. Andrews shouts after him, but his voice is already far away.

Poe makes it to the lift and steps inside.

“Sorry Sir the lifts are out of operation.”

Poe doesn’t have time for this, he pushes the operator against the wall and angrily demnands:

“I do not have time for this, take me downstairs now or I swear to God.”

The operator fumbles with the gates but does as he’s told and Poe doesn’t think about what he just did at all. He watches the decks go past him and then the lift finally slows. Suddenly the whole compartment fills with ice cold water. It pools at Poe’s legs and he takes a step back and screams. The operator does too.

“Get out!”

Poe forces the gates open and stumbles out, the water so cold it shocks him. He tries to breathe and watches as the elevator goes up again.

“Left, crew passage then right.” He breathes through clenched teeth and forces his way forward. 

“Left, right.” He mumbles. He sees it in front of him and slogs his way forward, the water making it difficult to walk. The place is eerily deserted and he is now completely on his own. He bites his teeth and ignores it, making his way forward. He turns right and comes into a cross corridor, rows of doors on each side. He doesn’t know where to go.

“Finn!” He shouts. There is no reply. Shit, shit shit, shit, shit. What is he going to do?

“FINN!” He tries again. He continues on, but then he stops. He turns. He isn’t sure.

“Poe? Poe, I am in here!”

“Finn?” He shouts and turns.

“Poe!” 

He walks quicker, the water splashing around him, and he doesn’t have time to think about how cold it is. He locates the door and pushes it open, hoping to dear God that it’s the right one. He stumbles inside and wants to cry in relief.

“Poe!! Finn is standing on top of a table, hands cuffed to a pipe, but apart from that he looks fine.

“Oh my God Finn, Finn, Finn.” He makes his way over and throws his arms around him, breathes him in.

“I’m sorry, I am so sorry.” He steps back.

“It’s okay, they put the ring in my pocket, I would never steal it from you.”

“I know, I know. I am so sorry for doubting you.” He kisses Finn, craves the contact of him. Finn smiles and nudges his nose.

“Hi.” He whispers.

“Hi.” Poe whispers back and the moment is soft and gentle in all the chaos. 

“See if you can find the keys for this in one of the drawers. It’s a little brass one.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” But it feels like such a struggle stepping away from him. He waddles over to the drawers, the water rising more and more, and starts ransacking everything he can find. He starts desperately trashing the room, panic beginning to rise again. 

“I can’t find the key!” He breathes hard. Finn stops and nods.

“Okay, you have to go for help Poe.” He says, his voice calm and soothing. 

“Yeah okay okay.” Poe tries to shake himself out of whatever it is, tries to think logically about it.

“I’ll come back for you.” He says and Finn smiles, it’s small but it’s there.

“I know you will. I will wait right here.” Poe chuckles at the joke and hurries out. The water is slowing him down and it’s chilling to the bone. He never knew water could be this cold. He gets to a stairwell and tries to take it two steps at a time, but his legs are refusing to work at the wanted speed. He almost stumbles and falls in the hurry because of it. He gets out of the water and into a long dwindling corridor. It’s a maze, claustrophobic and never ending. His breathing picks up, loud in the emptiness of it all. There’s a sudden long groan in the corridor, and Poe freezes in fear at the metal stretching all around him. The ship settles around him once again and he forces himself to move forward. 

“Hello? Is anybody there?” He shouts, desperately hoping someone is. He turns into a new corridor and stumbles into the opposite wall. He stops for a moment and sees the water slowly making its way up here too, never stopping, just taking what it wants. Poe takes a step back from it and starts moving again. There is a loud gong echoing off the walls and the groaning comes back. The really scary part comes when the lights start to flicker, a beat and suddenly they go out. Poe stands alone in the complete darkness and feels fear like never before. He presses himself against the wall, suddenly too aware that he could be drowning in this, alone and in the dark. Terrified out of his own mind. The lights come back on again and Poe breathes again, runs a shaking hand through his hair and thinks he doesn’t have time to stand around being terrified. If he thinks it’s bad for him up here, it’s definitely worse where Finn is. It makes him move again. There is no one around and he doesn’t know what to do, how to get Finn out of there. He is going to get lost if he continues this way much longer. He stops again, out of breath just to rest for a little bit and that’s when he sees. A glass case with a fire axe hangs on the wall and it’s the best Poe will be able to do. He crosses the glass with a suitcase that has been left and then he takes off the same way he was coming, finding his way back to Finn.

When he comes to the staircase he’s met with more water than before, the last few steps flooded already. He makes his way down and has to crouch down to be able to look through the corridor to where Finn is trapped. He has no time to think about anything else and he plunges into the water. He lets out a disgruntled cry, the water now well above his waist, and so cold he can’t feel his feet. He grits his teeth and ignores everything in his mind that screams at him to get out of here. He puts the axe above his head and plunges further into the water, back to the room Finn is in. He grimaces against the pain. Finn is hugging the pipe close to himself, the water threatening to undo the table he is standing on. Poe wades in with the axe held high.

“It was the only thing I could find, you think it will be enough?”

“We will soon find out.” Finn says. Poe nods and tries to hide the fact that he’s suddenly very scared about this as well.

Finn crouches down and positions the chain that connects the cuffs across the pipe, and all Poe can think of is how short the chain is and how close together Finn’s hands are. 

“You ever do much axing in your life?” Finn asks and Poe shakes his head.

“Right, well try a couple of practice swings on the cabinet.” Poe nods and wades over. He swings the axe high over his head and thunks it into the wooden cabinet. 

“Okay good, now try and hit the same mark again.”

“Okay…” He swings the axe again and the blade ends up completely missing its mark, by way too much. 

“Okay that’s enough practice.” Finn says and Poe detects the nervousness of his voice. Poe feels the same, he only has one chance to get it right, he can’t miss. Finn braces himself and closes his eyes. 

“I don’t think I can do it.” He gulps and Finn opens his eyes again.

“Poe you can do it. I trust you.” And he sounds calm now, reassuring and Poe feels himself calm a little, not much but enough to feel like he has to do this. There is no other way.

He hefts the axe and closes his eyes, so does Finn and then he swings it. It makes a loud K-WANG sound that bounces off the walls. Slowly Poe opens his eyes and Finn is grinning, his eyes wide and holding up his hands, free of the chain. Poe drops the axe in absolute relief. He didn’t sever Finn’s hands in two. Thank fuck.

“I am never doing that again.” He’s declaring and Finn jumps off the table, grinning at the joke. But it disappears quickly off his face as he realises how absolutely freezing the water is. 

“Fuck me!” He exclaims.

“I already did that.” Poe says and laughs despite it all. Finn shakes his head in disbelief. 

“You think this is a good moment to show me your jokes?” 

“It seemed as good as any, what do you mean are we in a hurry?” 

Finn chuckles but steps up close and cups his cheeks. Poe closes his eyes. 

“Hey, what happened to your face?” Finn starts tilting and looking close at the bruise covering his cheek. Poe flinches when Finn accidentally touches his neck. Finn’s eyes widen and he looks closer.

“W-what -?” He says utterly horrified. Poe sighs and takes Finn’s hands in his own and kisses them gently.

“A small price to pay.” It’s all he says but it’s the truth nonetheless. Finn looks like he might want to say something more but the water is rising rapidly and they really don’t have time for this. 

“Come on.” Finn takes his outstretched hand and they start making their way out. The water keeps rising but Poe also feels a little safer knowing that he is with Finn now. He looks at the staircase, the way he came down but the water has almost covered it completely, only a small part is not, but it’s way too small for them to get through. They turn the other way and wade forward, Poe gripping Finn’s hand close to himself. 

“For someone who can’t swim, I sure do spend a lot of time in the water.” Poe jokes again and Finn’s face is beautiful when he laughs. Makes it crinkle and his eyes look alive.

“It’s not very hard, I’ll teach you once we’re in America.”

“Yeah?” Poe can’t help to feel giddy by the thought of it. Him and Finn in America. Together.

“Oh yes.”

“Looking forward to it.”

They hurry, making their way in the other direction, away from where Poe came. He has no idea where it leads. But it seems to take them higher up and away from the water. They make their way through CREW exits, Poe assuming it will be the quicker way. Poe feels relieved that by this rate he will soon be out of the water. But then Finn comes to a stop, the door locked from the other end refusing to open.

“Oh come on.” He stomps his foot against it in annoyance.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s locked from the other side, it doesn’t open.”

“What if we shoulder it open?” Finn thinks it over. 

“Yeah okay, ready?”

Poe nods and on three they shoulder their way through it forcefully. It splinters open and they both stumble through and into a corridor.

“Hey you two. You will have to pay for that, it’s the property of White Star Line.” A steward shouts at them.

“Shut up!” Finn and Poe shout in unison and walk off in the different direction, ignoring the shouting man. Soon they join up with many more of the passengers, all waiting by iron gates that are stubbornly shut.

“What should we do?” Poe asks. Finn feels around the many of them, kicking one in frustration when it doesn’t open. 

“Come on, let’s try further down.” Poe nods and follows him. His clothes stick to him, wet and cold and he wishes he could put on a jacket, or something to shield from it. When they move in this direction the corridors start filling up, women, men children, all shouting angrily and carrying bags, waiting to get out. They have to slow down and Poe hides their connected hands between them, not too sure about people seeing it here.

“Women and children only, no men!” Poe hears the stewards shout, further up the stairs, where people have their hands on the steel bars, trying to push at the gate which is blocking off the rest of the stairs. But it’s not holding anyone back, people are becoming restless and desperate, having picked up what is going on. Poe sees two men almost make it through until they are pushed back again.

“Get back, get back you lot. Lock it up men.” The men struggle to lock it and the main guy threatens them with a revolver. It causes even more panic around and people start pushing their way forward, knocking Poe to the side. 

“For the love of God, there are children down here. You have doomed us all. You have to at least give us a chance.” Someone pleads in the crowd, that’s now been transformed into an angry mob. They surge forward, rattling the gate and the stewards seem afraid now, having let the situation get way out of hand. Things are escalating suddenly, everything becoming a little claustrophobic with people pressing forward. Poe tries to get out of the masses, needing the space. 

“Poe!” Poe turns around and Finn is further back than what he is, where there is less of a crowd. He gets pushed again and almost falls. Finn’s eyes widen and he tries making his way towards him. It is impossible, Poe is too far ahead. It is loud now, people roaring and screaming, pushing and pulling and Poe is stuck in it all struggling to breathe. Panic begins to rise in his chest, his body doesn’t belong to him. 

BANG BANG. Two shots echo loudly, and the whole room stops moving, there is some screaming and ducking and Poe gets knocked to the ground. The steward is holding the revolver over his head.

“That was only a warning shot. The next one goes into one of you if you don’t start behaving.” He bellows. 

“Poe.” Finn crouches down beside him worriedly.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” He says and lets Finn pull him up to his feet, looking him over. His eyes land on Poe’s cheek and his brow furrows.

“What happened to your face?” He asks gently, lowering his voice.

“Don’t worry about it.” He says trying to convey with his eyes that it doesn’t matter now anyway. Finn pulls him further back away from the masses where he can breathe again. Back here Poe spots a mother trying to change her baby’s diaper by the end of a bench, a man trying to console a woman who is sobbing uncontrollably and a couple arguing in a foreign language while a baby wails by their side.

“We need to do something Finn.” Finn nods gravely and gets a decisive look on his face.

“Hi ma’am. I could really use this bench.” He says to the woman with the baby and there must be something in Finn’s voice because the woman gathers her baby up and nods, moving away from him and giving him space. Finn grabs at the bench, hard, it is bolted to the floor and starts pulling. Some other men seem to understand what is going on and join him, Poe shortly joining them as well. With the sheer strength of the five of them they manage to pull it loose.

“Move away, step aside!” Poe shouts trying to make the people around move out of the way. It works, they move away, seems to understand what is going on and Poe runs with the bench, up the stairs and rams it as hard as he can against the gate. It rips loose from its track and falls outwardly, narrowingly missing the steward with the gun. He seems too shocked to move for a moment and Finn surges forward and grabs it off him, he disarms it and it falls with a loud clunk to the floor. He pushes him against the wall and threateningly says.

“If you insist on doing your pathetic job I suggest you escort all these people to the boat deck, now.” The steward nods mutely and Finn lets him go. Poe starts helping the people through, pushing the gates further away so as many of them can get away. The steward dumbly motions for people to start following him and Poe sighs in relief at finally being out of the panic and a further away from the water. People start moving again and they both join in at the back, making sure that as many of the people are coming with them. 

They burst through the boat deck from the crew stairs and the situation out here is utter chaos. All sense of stillness and organisation seems to have been lost. On the deck are a mix of passengers from all classes, men and women pushing their way forward demanding to get into boats. The remaining crowds continue to press closer, shouting and screaming while the officers shout out warnings that seem to go unheard. Down in the corridors it had been silent, at times a little too silent. But the air up here is charged with fizzled energy that’s threatening to make this whole situation more claustrophobic than it already is.

“This is madness.” Poe whispers.

Finn pushes past him and walks over to the davits.

“The boats are gone!” He exclaims in anger, but Poe is beginning to know Finn so well that he knows he’s hiding his desperation and fear. Poe sees Colonel Gracie, a man he remembers being introduced to at one of the dinners, which feels to have happened in a different life, escorting two first class ladies.

“Colonel!” He shouts. “Are there any boats left?” The man stops and looks at the state of him, drenched and shivering, looking nothing like a man of his class. 

“Yes there are still a couple of boats this way Sir. I will lead you.” Finn doesn’t wait and grabs Poe’s hand and they sprint off, some other people from third class following behind. They make it there and come face to face with an officer with a gun in his hand, waving it above his head threateningly. Everything is falling apart around him, so fast. He can hear the water loudly cascading onto the ship, pouring against windows and doors, just to his right. He doesn’t want to look at it, and maybe that’s foolish of him, but he wants the sweet bliss of ignorance for a little longer. Poe is tense as hell even as he secretly presses into Finn’s solid front, trying to calm himself down. Out here it’s freezing now, so cold he can’t help but start to shiver. Near him there is a woman with two young daughters being forced into the boat roughly, while the husband stands by looking at his family like he knows he will never see them again. 

“Goodbye for a little while. It’s only for a little bit I promise...Go with mommy now.” He says to his daughters, trying not to choke up with emotion. The woman hugs her children close, giving them false smiles and happiness while hiding her tears from them. The husband throws her a kiss and says I love you. Poe watches it happen right in front of him, frozen in shock. The officer locks eyes with Poe, he recognizes his face, thinks his name is Sitwell maybe. He gave him a cigarette on the first night when he was alone and on a shift, shivering in the cold. He motions Poe forward, for some reason allowing him on board. He doesn’t understand why. 

“I’m not going without you.” Poe turns to Finn.

“What are you talking about? Get in the boat Poe.”

“No, not without you.” 

“Poe, don’t be stupid, get in.” Finn pleads. Poe shakes his head. No.

He is not going. 

Palpatine steps up by Finn’s side and Poe instinctively takes a step closer to Finn, ashamed over still being afraid of him. Finn’s hand presses closer and Poe tries to calm himself down. He is safe, this man can’t do anything to him. He has no power anymore.

“Yes, listen to the man. Get in the boat Poe.” Palpatine says and Poe doesn’t understand what he is doing here of all places, he’d thought him long gone by now. He’s looking as regal as always, even with his hair a little unruly, like the patriarch he has always been. Secretly disguised as a piranha, but still thriving in the chaos. Palpatine looks him up and down, he’s shivering and his clothes are wet, he can’t even hide it now, and a look of something passes over his face.

“Look at you, here take this.” He says and steps out of his own jacket and gives it to Poe. He shrugs into it, not sure why he is agreeing to it. It makes him feel warmer immediately and his shivering simmers down. 

“Mr. Dameron, come on.” The officer says and Poe hates for a moment that he carries the name. Why is he allowed in and not Finn? He feels disgusted by the privilege he suddenly has, being stupidly unaware and sheltered from most people’s struggles and hardships over the years. He doesn’t want it.

“Go on I’ll catch the next one.” Finn squeezes his arm and Poe shakes his head again.

“No, Finn not without you, I can’t -”

“Yes, it will be okay.” Poe doesn’t even care that Palpatine is standing right there by them, hovering and intruding. Finn smiles and nods.

“You can do it. It’s okay.” It’s the same soft reassuring voice he had used earlier. The one that makes everything fall away and leaving Poe feeling completely exposed. He feels trapped.

“There are boats on the other side that are letting in men from all classes. Finn and I can get on safely there, the both of us.” Palpatine says and Finn doesn’t even acknowledge him, just looks at Poe.

“See, I’ll be alright, hurry up now. I have my own boat to catch.” He smiles reassuringly and Poe doesn’t know what to do in the moment.

“Come one now, the boat is almost full.” Palpatine insists and pushes him forward. The officer grabs Poe’s arm and gently pulls him towards the boat. His hand is roughly ripped away from Finn’s and he doesn’t even have the time to say goodbye. To squeeze his hand back. What if he forgets what his hands feel like? And for some reason he finds himself forced to step inside the boat, it all happens in a rush and everything is blurry apart from Finn’s face. 

“Lower away!”

The boat starts to lower and Poe sees Palpatine say something to Finn. Finn answers but he cannot hear what is being said. As the boats descends it shakes slightly and Poe lets out a breath. He’s still keeping his eyes on Finn, refusing to look away for one second, just wants to look a little longer. Everything happens in slow motion. As the ropes going through the pulleys start lowering, all sounds fall away, the officer giving orders but Poe hearing none of it. All he hears is the blood pounding in his ears and he can’t understand what is happening right in front of him. A rocket burst above in slow motion, outlining Finn in a halo of white light. Images flashes before his eyes, Finn and him running, Finn laughing, kissing, being close. It doesn’t stop, just Finn, Finn, Finn, Finn. His hair blows in the wind and he remembers the feeling of Finn moving his hair away from his face and how the first time it had made Poe feel seen in ways that had never happened before. From the moment they’d met Finn had been a shock to his whole system, lightning the synapses in his brain, and turning everything up on its head. He.... 

He comes back to himself and sees Finn’s hand tremble on the railing, swallowing back his tears. He’s descending further and further away from him now and he can’t believe the pain he’s suddenly feeling, why is he doing this? 

Suddenly he moves, without thinking. He pushes the people away from him and lunges forward, past the woman closest to the edge and then hurls himself out of the boat towards the A deck promenade. He gets a hold of the railing and pulls himself over, ignoring the boat that continues downwards to safety. 

“Poe no. NOOO!” He hears. He scrambles on his feet pushing people out of his way, breathing hard and wanting them to move quicker. He doesn’t know what overcomes him, it’s a moment of pure foolishness or perhaps bravery, but he knows that running back towards Finn is the only right thing left to do. He pushes the door open to the foyer and sees Finn coming down the stairs, tears on his face.

The meet at the bottom of the stairs and collapses into a tight embrace. 

“Poe, you are so stupid, you are such an idiot, what were you thinking.” Finn rambles desperately, on the edge of tears, while all the while touching him all over the face, and laughing hysterically. He’s holding onto Poe as tightly as he can and Poe just knows it was the right decision.

“I meant it when I said I chose you.” Poe says holding back his own tears.

“Right, right, right.” Finn mumbles, he seems to have lost it a little and Poe doesn’t blame him. He hugs him again so close and Poe doesn’t care about anyone who sees them. 

Suddenly the cherub by Poe’s face explodes into pieces, the moment broken completely. He spots Palpatine screaming, with a gun as he is descending the stairs. Finn jumps into action and drags Poe along with him towards the stairs that are going lower down. Palpatine shoots again, just barely missing Poe’s shoulder. The bullet edged into the wooden wall. Palpatine doesn’t stop, continues to follow them further down.

“Shit.” Poe shouts.

They continue further down, putting more distance between them and the madman. The bottom of the grand staircase is flooded several feet deep and Finn stops for a second.

“Shit, shit, shit.” The water is deep and Poe stumbles into Finn. Finn bites his lip in worry, gives Poe a look. Palpatine’s footstep can be heard, coming after them.

“Go, go, go.” Poe doesn’t have time to worry about the fact that he cannot swim.

“You can’t -” Poe pushes Finn forward, forcing him to take a step into the freezing water. They forge their way forward and Poe holds tightly onto Finn. The ground starts sloping upward luckily and soon enough they are on dry ground again, safely away from Palpatine. They continue forward, through the saloon, plates falling to the ground loudly and chairs moving around blindly, until they get to some more stairs. Poe starts to make his way towards the ones that go up, but Finn drags him with him, and they crouch down by the descending ones, out of sight. They sit in silence and then Poe hears it. More steps. He tenses beside Finn but then Palpatine continues on his way up, leaving them behind. They really should be safe now. 

There is a loud groan, eery in the silence, the wood complaining about the pressure and Poe feeling really unsafe where he is. Then Poe hears it. It sounds like a crying child. He motions for Finn to follow him to the lower deck where he can hear it from. The corridor is awash, flooded maybe a foot deep. And leaning against the wall, crying, a child stands. He’s not old, three maybe, and the water is swirling around his feet.

“Shit.” Finn says.

“We can’t leave him.” 

Finn looks back up the way the came, annoyed but he nods and takes a decisive step forward, away from the safety of the stairs and back into the cold water. Poe follows behind and holds maybe a little too tightly onto Finn, not liking that he’s back down here, in the hands of something big and unsafe. The more time they spend down here the more time they lose. Finn scoops the child up and they run back to the stairs. A torrent of water comes pouring down the stairs, the rapids way too unsafe for them to climb back up. The child continues to wail and Finn lets out a groan in frustration when they are forced to turn back around. The corridor starts flooding quicker and the water splashes around them as the charge towards the other end of the corridor. At the end of the hall are two heavy double doors, where the water has begun spraying through the gaps between the door and right up to the ceiling. The doors groan loudly and start to crack under the pressure. 

“Shit! Poe, no go back.” Finn shouts. He pivots around and turns back the way they came, taking a turn into a cross corridor hoping for the best. He doesn’t get far, at the other end water is cascading quicker and quicker into the corridor, blocking them off. Water is beginning to drip off the ceiling now too, covering Poe head to toe in ice cold, bone-chilling water. Everything around him is starting to crack under the pressure. They don’t have long.

“Shit.” Finn turns around once again. A man is coming the other way and when he sees the boy in Finn’s arms he starts shouting at them in a different language. He takes the child roughly away from Finn and starts running the way they came from.

“No, not that way. Come back!” Poe shouts but the man ignores him and heads on. Suddenly the double doors blast open and a wall of water thunders loudly into the corridor. The child and his father disappear completely under the water, gone in an instant and Poe hears Finn swear loudly as he sprints in the other direction for dear life. No matter how fast he runs the water gains on them, towering over them like a wall of indefinite death. The lights flicker as the water cuts the electricity, and continues to do so. One second casting everything in complete darkness and the next illuminating the white walls. The water continues chasing them, loud and unrelentless. 

Suddenly the currents get too out of hand for Poe to be able to keep on his feet. He stumbles and falls.

“Finn!” 

“Po -” And Finn goes tumbling straight into the water as well. The current is pushing them faster and faster forward. He sees a stairwell whirl past him and in the next second he slams head first into a gate. He groans, and for a second everything threatens to black out around him. The world tilts on its axis and for a second he loses balance and gets completely soaked by the ice cold water. It presses him further into the closed gate and he’s so disorientated by everything.

“Poe? Poe!” Finn pulls him out of the water and shakes him, he sputters and tries to focus.

“Yeah, yeah I’m here.” The current is ridiculously strong and it keeps pressing them both into the closed gate, trapping them between water and metal, painful and scary. He’s completely soaked now and Finn really was right when he said it felt like getting stabbed all over the body. It does and everything is becoming hard to focus on.

“We have to keep going.” Finn says but he stops and touches Poe’s cheek, the other one, that has been less mistreated this day. Poe nods, doesn’t think he can get words out at the moment, he’s breathing so hard and the water keep rising and rising and rising. Claiming everything. 

“Okay, come on.” Finn grunts and groans and forces a small gap open in the gate. He pushes through and Poe follows. The lights start flashing again and they press themselves against the wall, trying to keep their balance as the current rages on and the water almost too deep for Poe to feel the ground underneath himself. Finn gets to another staircase and Poe grabs onto the pipe above himself, to prevent the current from pulling him to the other end where he will get squashed to death. 

“Here, grab my hand.” Poe reaches for it and for a second he feels the strong water grab a hold of him, before Finn’s hand catches his and pulls him towards himself. He gasps and Finn pushes him forward, up towards the stairs. They pound up the stairs as the water swirls up behind them. Poe feels his heart sink as he grabs onto the fucking five hundredth gate this evening and finds it to be locked shut. He shakes it in anger. Finn comes to a stop beside him and slams his hands even harder against it, gripping the bars. 

“COME ON!” He screams in anger. Poe looks behind them, the water keeps coming, quicker and quicker, and it’s loud, he has to scream to be able to hear himself.

“Help!” He shouts, even though the chances of anyone hearing them is so low. He is going to die here, like a drowned rat. They both rattle the gate, desperation and panic both beginning to overwhelm them both.

“HELP!” Finn screams. Poe gasps as the cold water reaches their ankles, not stopping. The water spills over onto the second deck and for a second Poe thinks he can hear steps. A terrified steward starts running up the stairs escaping the water.

“Wait, Sir! Help us!” Finn says desperately. He doesn’t stop and the water starts welling up around them, slamming them both against the gate and the water now up to their waists.

“Please, help us. Please, please, please.” Poe begs. The steward stops and looks, and must see something because he mutters angirly to himself.

“Fucking hell.” But he’s slogging forward in the water and pulls a keyring from his belt. Unlocking the padlock is a whole different struggle, the water rising around all three of them. Then the lighting short circuits completely and they are plunged into darkness. The water starts rising over the padlock and the steward is forced to do everything by feel. 

“Hurry, hurry!” Finn has lost all sense of politeness by now and Poe too.

“Come on, come, come!”

“Jesus.” The guy says and Poe loses his hope completely when the steward stops.

“I dropped the keys....” Poe’s eyes widen and the steward stops moving. 

The he takes off running, leaving him and Finn with a wall of water and the outcome of drowning.

“Wait, no, please wait!” Finn begs. Poe doesn’t know what to do, he shakes the gates in anger, in fear and the water keeps rising still. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Finn mutters and then he dives under, trying to find the keys on the bottom. The room is almost completely dark, the lighting by the other deck casting it in a green scary looking light. Despite, it’s still hard for Poe to see. Finn comes out of the water with the keys.

“Which one is it?”

“Try the small one.” Poe shouts. “Hurry!” They are screaming at each other now, the direness of everything so prominent that Poe doesn’t know what else to do.

“It won’t go in!”

Poe is on his tiptoes now, at the end of his rope. The fear monstrous, too big for him to fight. 

“Hurry!” He doesn’t know what to say, all he knows is that if the water rises higher than this he won’t feel the bottom and then he is going to have to try and swim. He doesn’t know how to do it! Finn continues to try and make the key work and the water is so high up now that Poe can’t do anything. He starts shouting, something of a mix of Finn and hurry and aahhhh. The water presses Poe into the ceiling in complete darkness now, the panic all consuming and now way out. Breathing hurts too and soon there will be no oxygen left for him. Just death. 

But then suddenly he is forced forward, the gate opening. 

“Go Poe!” He doesn’t have much of a choice and he’s pushed through it, holding onto the pipes for support. But he can’t do it for long, the water reaching the ceiling quickly out here too. He dives under, copies what Finn had done and forces his arms and legs forward, kicking, and gasps for breath once up in the air again, completely chilled to the bone and suddenly alone. 

“Finn?!” He looks back and the whole way they came is full of water. He gasps and holds tightly onto the ceiling. Finn’s head pops up then and Poe lets out a sob.

“Come on.” He says and Finn nods. He dives under again and his head pops up again in front of Poe. They move again, as quick as they can, and finally Poe feels the step under him. They sprint forward, Poe holding onto the railing for support. His body is heavy, running is hard and the wet clothes makes everything harder to do. 

They make it onto the next deck.

They run up and the stairs feel like they are never ending, and the ship, it keeps groaning and breaking, falling apart around them. Keeping on his feet is a struggle. Finn is close behind him, hot on his heels.

“Keep going!”

They stumble into first class quarters, the smoking room Poe recognises it as. The boat is tilting and they are running in complete uphill, both of them struggling to stay upright. They’re out of breath and soaked and Poe’s body feels like lead, even though he’s running no heat appears. They run past a fireplace and Poe sees Mr. Andrews.

“Wait, wait.” He says to Finn who is pulling him forward. Finn stops.

He’s looking into the fireplace that’s still going. There is a large painting in front of him and for a moment Poe thinks he looks a little like a knight, without its armour. His soldiers dying around him on the battlefield. The ashtray on the mantle falls loudly to the floor and Poe steps forward. 

“Mr. Andrews.” For a while he doesn’t react and then he turns.

“Oh, Poe.” He sounds like a broken man. Poe takes another step forward.

“Please come with us.” He begs. Mr. Andrews shakes his head.

“Won’t you even make a try for it Thomas?” Poe wants him to come with him and Finn, so badly. A tear falls down his cheek at the mention of his name but he shakes his head.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t build you a stronger ship Poe. One that would have taken you to a future you wanted.” Another tear escapes him as he looks at Finn and nods. Poe gulps down the tears.

“Please come with me.” He tries again. Thomas shakes his head.

“It’s going fast, we got to keep moving.” Finn urges.

Thomas picks up his lifewest and forces it into Poe’s hands. 

“Good luck to you, Poe Dameron.”

“And to you.” He keeps his voice from shaking and pulls Thomas into an embrace. Finn pulls him away and Poe takes one last look at the kind man before they run through the revolving door.

They get back out and into the dense crowd. Finn pushes his way forward to the rail, trying to judge the situation. Poe sees the bridge is completely under water, more than half the ship is soaked. There is complete chaos around them now, the panic heavy in the air, and people are pushing and screaming around them. Finn grabs Poe’s lifewest from him.

“Here, we need to get this on you.” Finn steps up close and forces it over Poe’s head. He’s distracted again, the people around him so scared that he’s ultimately affected by it. Finn fastens it around him and then shakes him to get his attention. 

“We have to stay on this ship as long as possible.” Poe nods, still distracted.

“Come on.” They start pushing their way through the panicking crowd, and keep moving towards the back of the ship, still in uphill. They get to the A deck railing.

“Here, hold the railing.” Poe does as he’s been told. Finn clambers over it and Poe follows. He holds onto Finn’s hand as they jump onto the smaller roof and then down onto the deck. 

They land on their feet but the impact goes straight up Poe’s spine and Finn almost stumbles and falls in the busy crowd where the people around them are clawing and scrambling around them. The boat groans and shudders, it starts shaking with the pressure of the water. Near them by the railing people have started jumping off and into the water in attempt to escape. Where they are now it’s packed again, like the mob downstairs. Finn is close behind him pressing him further up, but more and more people are pouring onto it making it harder to move forward. The lights flicker, but it comes back on again in a beat. A man in front of Poe walks ridiculously slowly, forcing them all down.

“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”

“You wanna walk a little faster through the valley, fella.” 

Finn says and Poe actually laughs, how absurd it is to laugh in a situation of almost certain death. Finn pushes the man and he gets a move on at least. They hurry the last bit up the stairs that gets them onto the B deck. It’s tilting badly now and both of them have to struggle to keep up. If they fall they will die. Poe doesn’t know what’s worse, that or the drowning he has in front of him. The bow goes down and as it does the stern keeps rising, steeper and steeper. It causes utter chaos to ensue around them. People are jumping off all around them, some hitting the boat, their screaming suddenly stopping and some hitting debris in the water. There is a priest praying with people around him, holding onto whatever there is around, their faces full of dread, yet none of them moving. Poe is not a believer but if there are any higher powers out there in the vast space of everything, a force or something, anything he wishes he could believe in, he sends a prayer to that now. He doesn’t want to die.

“Holy Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of death. Amen.” 

It gets harder now to move, the tilting so steep that people around them both lose their grip and fall. Finn pulls Poe forwards, and puts him in front of himself. Poe grabs onto the railing and pulls himself forward a little bit, dragging Finn along. They make progress like this even though it’s painful all over for him. They make it to the end of the railing, Poe pulling Finn the last bit up. They are standing by the base of the flagpole, jammed in between so many people who have also made it to the top. Poe holds onto Finn, trying to calm down. Finn hugs him close, his breathing uneven too. He’s scared Poe thinks. Poe hears the priest’s voice again, terrified and cracking with emotion. He looks to his left, a mother and her two children have made it all the way to the top, she’s telling them a story, her voice strong but her eyes indefinitely sad. The boat keeps rising and it cracks again loudly, the electricity cutting off. It won’t be long until it goes completely and they will be left completely in the dark.

It’s loud.

And in the moment where Poe is too aware of death he thinks that’s what living is like, that’s what being human is like.

To feel.

To ache.

To love.

So many emotions wrapped up in everything that makes you too much and too little at the same time. Sometimes not even enough. He’s been so numb, so unhappy for so long he’s forgotten that he has many more emotions than that. He’s feeling so much suddenly, all of it. The despair and horror, the sadness and fright, the love and the laughter, the chaos and the panic. Joy and attraction. The floodgates have opened at the worst possible time because he’s about to fucking die. He laughs.

Finn looks at him.

“This is where we met.” Poe says as an answer. 

Around him people are falling, screaming, saying goodbye and dying. And yet all Poe can think about is that in this exact spot he met Finn. How much more poetic justice can this get? Him dying at the same spot where he was ultimately saved. He laughs again and Finn rolls his eyes, fondly.

“This is where we met indeed.” Finn echoes. Poe presses closer and shakes his head in absolute disbelief at this all.

“For twenty five years I walked around like a zombie, half dead, just existing. And then it happened, I met the one person in this world that wakes me up, makes me feel something other than absolute torment over everything. You woke me up Finn... and I can’t actually believe that someone is playing this cruel joke on me now, when I found a person I want to be alive with, I am going to die.” He’s angry, desperate and on the verge of panic, the words thrown out. Finn looks at him softly and everything falls away. Quiet in the chaos.

“I fucking love you, you know that.” Poe confesses.

“I know.” Finn says and brings Poe closer to him, pressing a kiss onto his forehead.

“I know.” Finn mumbles. 

He’s confessing his love to someone he met two days ago. It feels like a lifetime has passed since then, and he is going to die before he’ll be able to discover what it actually feels like to live with someone you love. What life would be like, how it would feel. 

He wants to know what it is like to wake up to someone and have breakfast with them in the mornings, what it is like to cook together, love together and live together. He wants a boring mundane life with Finn, that’s all he wants. 

Life has been cruel to Poe Dameron, but this is by far the most cruel it has ever been.

The boat rises higher, and groans, louder than ever before. Poe stumbles and Finn hugs him closer.

“And there shall be no more death.”

Those words offer no comfort to him. There will be much more death tonight.

The boat rises higher still and then gravity comes to do its job.

People start falling like rocks, screaming louder than before. Finn moves and stands behind Poe, forcing his arms around him and Poe holds on for dear life. There is a crack and then the electricity disappears, forever. Now they’ve been left in darkness, alone. The sound of people screaming goes up like a roar. The ships creaks and then Poe sees it break in the middle with an ear splitting crack, so loud it must have been heard miles away. The boat has now become a thundering black hell. The machine is now coming apart all around them. It’s reached its peak and the stern half stands up, four hundred meters tall in the air. Poe cannot help the screaming when he feels them plummet straight towards the sea. They’re coming down now and Poe is convinced that he’s going to get sucked into that black hole of a sea and suffocate to death. But the massive stern section they are on, the one not yet completely soaked with water, falls back almost levelly, thundering down into the sea and pushes out a massive wave of displaced water. Poe still struggles to hold onto the rail, but he can feel the ship almost right itself. Poe has a second of madness where he thinks it’s all suddenly okay. 

It’s not.

The horrible mechanics of this whole situation start to play out. Pulled down by the weight of the flooded bow the stern starts to tilt up rapidly again. It angles dangerously up again, and he feels the rush of ascent return. Everyone around them are clinging to anything they can, benches, railings, ventilators…. anything to keep from sliding to immediate death as the stern lifts. But people still continue to fall. They skid down the deck, screaming and flailing to grab onto something, desperate to survive into the very end, but dragging people along with them. It’s horrible, that’s the word to describe it all. And for all the screams that stop and die out, a thousand more are coming. Finn starts moving behind Poe.

“Poe, we have to move.” He starts climbing over the stern rail and reaches back for Poe. He looks at the hand, terrified to move. 

“Come on, give me your hand, I’ll pull you over.” 

“I can’t.” He grabs the hand but doesn’t move. 

“You have to move!”

Finn starts pulling at his hand and Poe moves, but the angle is awkward and the screaming around him is distracting.

“Come, I’ve got you. I won’t let you go.”

I won’t let you go. I won’t let you go. I won’t let you go. I won’t let you go.

He thinks it like a mantra in his head.

Finn won’t let him go.

Finn pulls and Poe moves, climbing over the rail. This was the way he planned to go two nights ago, and now he wants nothing more than to stay on this boat. He gets over the railing just as the ship goes horizontal, and the deck completely vertical. It’s a horror show, the screaming louder and even more people than before losing their grips. The black monstrosity is standing completely alone against the stars, stilling completely for a moment. Poe lies on the railing, looking down fifteen stories to the boiling sea. He stops moving, stills just like the boat has and stares, just waiting for the sea to claim him. He is going to drown, he’s convinced of it. The people near them who didn’t climb over the railing, their legs are dangling over the long drop, the sky and the sea between. But most of them fall anyway, plummeting down towards the darkness. Some of them bounce horribly off deck benches and ventilators, the sound echoing in Poe’s head. He closes his eyes, he can’t look at it. For each breathe he takes his whole body is wracked with a terrified sob. His hands shaking violently against the railing. 

Poe Dameron does not want to die. 

The final relentless plunge begins.

The stern floods with water, weighing down the whole ship. It starts dropping like an elevator.

“Poe, you have to promise me something.” Finn says, speaking quickly. Poe looks to him, away from the water that is closing in. 

“W-what?”

“We have to be realistic now. We are going to end up in this water and it’s going to be cold in a way you have never experienced before. Never. I can’t explain it to you. But it will make everything ten times harder than it has been so far. You will lose hope, you will want to stop fighting. You will want to give up. Your brain will scream at you to give in to everything. You can’t. Do you understand. You can’t.”

Poe nods, his whole body shaking.

“You must promise me to live. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“And whatever happens you do not let go of that promise. Whatever happens!”

“I will not let go, I promise.”

He promises. It means all.

“If we get seperated I am keeping you to that promise. This is not how you die Poe Dameron.”

“For someone who can’t swim, I sure do spend a lot of time in the water, don’t I?” Poe tries with the joke, not believing in it either. Finn’s mouth moves, almost smiling. 

Poe opens his mouth again but Finn shakes his head determinedly.

“No, don’t say your goodbyes. Don’t you dare. Don’t give up, don’t do it.” Finn’s desperate and it’s the only reason Poe agrees to it.

He nods.

“Okay.”

“Okay, now listen close. Before we hit the water take a deep breath and hold it right before we go in. The ship will suck us down hard, so whatever you do keep kicking with your legs. Aim for the surface and keep kicking them, all the time. That’s how you swim. The lifewest will help you. Don’t let go of my hand, and we’re going to make it. I promise you, you are going to make it.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“This one I am keeping.” Finn says and grabs his hand, kissing the palm. It sends a shiver of heat, tiny as it is, through Poe’s hand. He nods.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

The water keeps coming again, claiming its way.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God.” He mumbles, now terrified. The deck below them is disappearing, as the plunge gathers speed. The last boiling surface engulfs in water and then rushes up the last thirty feet, loud and murderous.

“Okay, get ready.” He hears Finn. “It will be okay.”

“I trust you.” And he does. 

Poe takes a deep breath and holds his breath. Finn holds tightly onto his hand and then the water reaches them. 

Nothing can prepare him for it. 

It’s cold, so fucking bone killing cold. But that isn’t the worst. Not even by far. The worst of it all is the pressure of the water and the vortex that keeps pulling Poe down. He tumbles in the water, losing all sense of control. The panic kicks in and he starts struggling against the invisible force, his body spasming sporadically. He doesn’t know what to do. He opens his eyes and around him bodies are spun and whirled around him. He sees Finn in front of him and he starts gesticulating in front of him. Finn shakes him and points upward. Poe doesn’t understand. He makes the mistake of opening his mouth to ask what’s going on and water starts entering his mouth. Choking him. Finn’s eyes widen and he pushes Poe up, away from himself. For some miraculous reason he stops spinning and he starts going towards the surface. That’s when he remembers Finn telling him to kick his legs. He does. He realises way too late that he’s let go of Finn’s hand and looks down. He can’t seem him. He’s been pulled away from him. He gets to the surface and gasps for air, his lungs hurting, a pressure on his throat still making it hard to breathe. He looks around himself, worried sick.

“Finn!!”

“FINN!”

“FINN!”

All around him is a rolling chaos of screaming, trashing people, utter chaos. It’s like hell, people being boiled to death. Over thousand of people have been left in the water, now floating where the ship went down. Some are stunned, gasping for breath. Others are crying, praying, moaning, shouting, screaming. It’s loud, Poe’s voice not carrying over it all.

“Finn!” 

The lifewest is keeping him afloat in it all, but it’s hard to see through the horrors of everything. People have gone rabid with emotion. Poe gets a moment and then people start clawing at him. A man pushes him under and Poe tries pushing him off. The lifewest pushes him to the surface again. The man just shouts.

“Get off.” The man’s hands comes around his face, and pushes again. Poe’s lungs fill with water. He screams underwater and for a moment the pressure on his windpipe is back. He gasps as he hits the surface and then he blindly reaches forward and punches the guy in the face, one, two, three times, and the guy stops finally. His fists ache. Poe gulps and looks away, can’t see what he did to the man. But desperation and fear still crawls its way up his spine as he tries to move, somewhere...

“FINN!”

But there is no way in hell he’s going to be heard. A woman floating by him is wailing, two men are fighting over a barrel and everyone has lost all sense of direction and common sense. All of the rules have disappeared and left are people mad with coldness and fear, doing whatever they can to survive. Everything is up for grabs. And Poe can’t fucking find Finn. What is he going to do? He let go of his hand, why did he let go of his hand?! He wants to cry but no tears are coming, they would freeze on his cheeks. And the water is so cold now, so intense it’s an indistinguishable form of death by fire. He starts moving, just to get some feeling back into his body. But his movements are awkward because of the lifewest, making everything slow.

“Finn!”

And in the midst of the tremendous wailing and screaming his voice is getting hoarse. He is in a pool of tormented souls, all screaming for help that isn’t coming. Black water stretches around them, endlessly, all the way to the horizon and the sense of isolation is overwhelming.

No one is coming for them. Poe has lost Finn and he doesn’t see the point in it all suddenly. He was never going to make it without Finn anyway. He cannot swim, he can’t swim, Poe Dameron cannot swim. He lets that sink in and almost becomes hysteric by the very thought of him being in the water. And he’s stranded in a dark black hell where he is going to die alone. It’s getting harder to breathe too. Everything is threatening to undo him. Part of him wants to stop fighting. To give in. He wonders how long it would take for him to die. Poe lost the one thing he wanted to live for, now he sees no point in staying alive anymore. He makes up his mind and he stops moving. Just waiting for it all to claim him. In front of him he sees a little girl. She can’t be older than ten his brain provides. He doesn’t care. But she’s stopped screaming, her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide as she looks to the sky. She’s all alone, no one around her. Poe is supposed to not care but something changes inside of him at the sight. He wants to not live, but fuck. He looks around, the wailing still just as loud, and no one seems to notice her. She’s alone. Alone…. He makes up his mind. He starts making his way towards her. 

“Hi.” He paddles awkwardly towards her. For a moment Poe thinks she’s dead, but then she blinks and turns her eyes to him. Poe gulps.

“Hi, what’s your name?” He says louder.

“Amelie.” She says, her voice shaking.

“Amelie, is that a french name?”

She shrugs and Poe nods.

“Nice to meet you, my name is Poe.”

“Hi, Poe.”

“I can’t swim Amelie, can you?” She nods.

“Will you teach me?”

“Okay.” She nods.

“We should look for something that is floating, debris, wood. You think you can help me with that too? We should get out of the water don’t you think?”

“Yes.” He distracts himself with the talking, it helps with not thinking about the doom he feels. And to think about Finn.... They start moving together, Poe following her and tries to copy the movements. 

“It’s so cold.” Amelie says.

“I know, I know. But you have to help me. Look around you, see if you can see anything.”

His own words help him keep focused and it seems to make her determined too. She starts looking around and Poe does too. It’s still so very hard to see through everything but he has some sort of purpose now, his mind screaming less about the cold and wanting to die. He’s panting hard though, struggling to take a breath, but he pushes on. They need to get out of the water. 

“What’s that?” Amelie’s shrill voice cuts through to him and he looks. 

“Yes, good job.” They make their way towards it, a little further away from the swarm of people. It’s a piece of wooden debris, a door maybe, carved in dark beautiful patterns. Amelie reaches it and Poe pushes her up.

“Come on, get up.” He gives her another push and she gets up on to it, crawling on her stomach. Poe gets up after her, his whole body feeling like lead. Each movement is a struggle to do. He groans and pulls himself up, trying to balance them both out. They lie on their stomachs, face to face, both of them breathing hard, and their lungs screaming in protest at the exercise. Their breath floats around them in a cloud as they pant from utter exertion. 

“You’re alright now, you’re alright now.” He gets out. He sees Amelia shake in front of him and he gives her his hands. He cups them, so much smaller than his and tries to get some heat into them, rubbing them aggressively. His own shivering comes shortly after. Her lips are blue and she’s shaking all over. Poe doesn’t know what to do.

“The boats are coming back for us. I promise, they’re coming for us.” He lies through his teeth. He needs her to hope. He doesn’t want her to die completely devoid of faith. A corpse full of nothing. They’re floating amid the chorus of the damned, but if she’s lost in this all, then she should at least go out believing that people were still coming for her. That she wasn’t abandoned.

She nods. Close to them a steward is blowing his whistle furiously, the sounds carrying over the water for miles.

“They will come, listen to the whistle. We’re c-calling for them. Just hold on a little longer, yeah?”

Both their teeth are chattering uncontrollably, their clasped hands shaking against the wood.

People are still screaming around them, calling for the lifeboats.

“How old are you?” He asks, trying to keep his teeth from rattling.

“Ten, I t-turn eleven next week.”

“Oh wow, what do you want to do for your birthday?”

“My m-mother said we could go to the zoo. I’ve never been to the zoo Mr. is those good?”

“C-call me Poe. And yeah, they are full of animals. Monkeys, you’ve ever seen a monkey?”

“N-no Poe.”

“They’re fun, you’d like them. You will get to see them at the zoo in a week.”

She nods and closes her eyes. Poe reaches forward with a shaking hand.

“Hey, n-no, no sleeping. Okay, promise me no sleeping.”

“Okay.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“W-what is your favourite colour Poe?” He smiles.

“Orange, l-like the sunset. What is yours?”

“Yellow.”

XXXX

Time passes in their floating hell.

They’re drifting under the blazing stars, their only company in the vast space of everything. The water is still, no wind in the blackness. Poe can see the stars reflected in the clear sea, lighting up the night like lights. He’s never seen stars like this. He wishes he could tell Finn about them. He’s still squeezing Amelie’s hands, rubbing them continuously.

“It’s quiet.” She says. Poe nods. 

“I-it’s just g-going to take the boats…. a few minutes to organise.” He forces the words out. But he doesn’t believe in them. He isn’t even sure who he’s trying to convince. The truth is that there won’t be any boats. They will all have left by now. Behind him he sees that the steward has stopped moving. He’s died from exposure. Frozen to death. Alone and abandoned. He averts his eyes.

“I don’t know about you, b-but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to The White Star Line about this all. I am going to use all the s-swear words too. Do you know any swear words?”

She raises her head, her eyes unfocused.

“My m-mother don’t let me swear.”

Poe chuckles, but it sounds more like a sob of pain to his ears.

“I think she would mak-ke an exception for you right now. Should I start, shit.”  
She grimaces, but he thinks it’s a smile. The cold is claiming all the good things, rapidly. Not even a child’s smile is allowed to exist.

“Damn.”

“You can do better than that, no?”

“F-fuck.”

“That’s a good one.” His whole body rattles with the cold. He needs to keep this up for her, he can’t give in to his mind screaming that he should give in.

“I’m c-cold.” She sounds young and Poe forgets about himself, twenty five years old and able to comprehend what is happening. She must be much more scared than he is, and yet she’s so strong. Strong like Finn was. And Poe is going to have to take some of that strength now and make sure she survives for as long as she can. 

“I know, I know. But you’re going to g-get out of this Amelie. You’re going to celebrate your eleventh birthday, and your twelfth and you’re thirtieth. You’re going to grow up strong and powerful. Maybe even have some b-babies. And then you’re going to watch them grow old. You are going to have a happy l-life. Yeah, a good one. You’re not going to die here Amelie.”

“I c-can’t feel my body.”

Poe closes his eyes. He is struggling to get the words out, his breath catching and the words not forming. 

“Hey, hey, you are going to go to the zoo. To see the monkeys. There are more animals to see, maybe even some elephants.”

His voice is trembling with the cold, he thinks he’s shutting down, the cold making its way to his heart. 

“You’re not going to die here. Not this night. And not like this.” He tilts his head and meets her eyes, his eyes unwavering. She’s shaking more than he is, he whole frame rattling, her breathing is wheezing and with each breath it sounds like she’s sobbing. He crawls forward, slowly, his whole body screams in agony. But he keeps it up. Bites through the pain. He gets closer to her and maneuvers her much smaller frame close to himself and starts rubbing his arms over her body, trying to give her some of his own heat. It’s getting more quiet around them now, the voices dying. There were thousands in the beginning, but the water is claiming them one by one. Poe can’t feel his own body either, his senses falling away from him. 

He rubs Amelie’s body, hoping to all the higher powers out there that she will not die like this.

Please, let her live.

XXXX

Poe is staring up at the sky, the only other company he has apart from Amelie. His eyes are closing, he can’t keep them open any longer. He feels like he’s inside of a void.

“Come Josephine in my flying machine...” Amelie sings, her lips barely moving.

Poe is in a semi hallucinatory state. Somehow he knows he’s dying. 

My name is Poe Dameron. I am twenty five years old. My name is Poe Dameron. I am twenty five years. My name is Poe Dameron. I am twenty five years old. 

He keeps repeating the mantra, trying to stay alive. 

My name is Poe Dameron. My name is Poe Dameron. My name is Poe Dameron.

My name is Poe. I am human. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel.

My name is Poe Dameron.

I also love.

I love. 

The milky way on the horizon is beautiful. If I die, do I become a star?

I love.

Bee Bee, is a Yorkshire terrier. 

I love.

Leia Organa. 

I love.

Dad.

I love.

Mom. 

I love.

My name is Poe Dameron and I love Finn.

Finn.

He’s forgetting something.

My name is Poe Dameron.

He closes his eyes. The stars disappearing from view. 

“Come Josephine in my….”

My name is Poe. I love….Finn. I. I. I. 

“Josephine…”

I am Poe. I promised to stay alive.

Finn.

There is a light in his eyes and he forces them to open again. He sees the silhouette of a boat moving across the stars. There are men in there, rowing slowly forward, their oars leaving pearls of water floating upwards to the sky, joining their fellow men in the stars. There are voices too, slow and disorientated. The lookout flashes his torch towards him and the light flares across the water, silhouetting the bobbing corpses in between. Then it flickers past him and moves on towards the right. The men look away.

My name is Poe Dameron. He made a promise to Finn. He promised to stay alive.

He remembers. 

Poe turns his head. Amelie is staring at the stars. Her lips moving audibly. Her hair is dusted with frost crystals and her breath shallow. It’s slowing. He opens his mouth. 

“A-” But he can’t make the words form. 

“Amelie.” His voice is lost, so hoarse it doesn’t make much of a sound. She hears and turns her head. Poe points to the disappearing men and her eyes follow. She doesn’t seem to have much more strength than that and her eyes close. 

“Come back.” But his voice is broken from the cold.

“Come back.” He tries again. But he loses his voice almost completely by that. He’s so weak, his body giving up.

But he made a promise. He made a promise to Finn.

Finn. Finn. Finn. 

Poe finds some strength, he doesn’t know from where, but he thinks of Finn. Finn with his beautiful eyes that crinkle when he smiles. How his callous hands feel on Poe’s skin. How he has a birthmark on his left shoulder blade. How he makes him feel alive. How he promised Finn to live before he ended up in this hell.

He rolls into the icy water. He lets out a gasp as he collides with it, it feels like he just knocked into a wall, but he grits his teeth and starts moving his body towards the dead steward’s body. He wrenches his whistle from his mouth and he starts blowing for dear life. The sound echoes all over the water. 

“Row back! That way! Pull!”

He keeps blowing the whistle as the boat comes towards him. He’s still blowing the whistle when Mr. Lowe, he learnt the name later, pulls him out of the water. He starts pointing in desperation, in panic towards Amelie. He can’t make sense of anything he’s even trying to convey.

“Amelie.” His voice breaks and he points, refusing to get out of the water until he knows she’s safe.

“There is another one!” He nods and points, still whistling for dear life. A man called Mr. Beck pulls Amelia out of the water. Her eyes open and the fight goes out of him completely. He sees her being covered in blankets and when he is gently pushed down onto the boat he passes out.

Later…

He’s awake. Only his face is visible in the darkness, the moon lighting the way. He hears nothing, he doesn’t react to the green light illuminating the sky above him. It happens in slow motion.

My name is Poe Dameron. 

I love Finn.

Finn is dead.

He passes out again. 

The next time he wakes it’s light outside. Amelie is laying close to his side, eyes open, not speaking. But alive. He closes his eyes. She’s alive. He’s rocked by the sea and it’s strangely calming. He feels numb. His face is thrown into shadow and he opens his eyes. The hull of another boat looming above him. CARPATHIA, white letters scream above him. Seamen are helping survivors onto the ship, up the rope ladder and onto Carpathia’s deck. He sits up, his body protesting, but somehow still working. Mr. Lowe crouches down beside him and Poe doesn’t hear what he says. He nods anyway, and Mr. Lowe bends to pick Amelie up. She still doesn’t say anything, but her eyes don't leave Poe’s. They spark him into action and he moves too, the blanket falling away from his body as he follows them up the ladder. He’s outside of time, outside of himself. Still he hears no words or noise. He’s barely able to stand on his feet, and stumbles. Mr. Lowe steadies him and he waits for Poe, keeping at his pace. Apparently there is some strength left in his body, but the exercise of climbing up the ladder takes its toll. He grabs the railing and forces himself to stand completely still, focusing on the rising sun and tries not to faint.

After a while someone drapes two new blankets over him and forces a mug of hot tea into his hands. He barely feels the heat of it. Mr. Lowe comes to a stop, a little away from the people who have survived, and says something again. Poe just nods. He gives him Amelie and for a while he doesn’t know what to do. His hands move and he takes her, tucks her into his side, and covers her up with his own blankets too. He gives her the tea. She clutches it close and Poe looks out over the deck to the sea. Right now it doesn’t look too bad to him, peaceful and serene in the morning sun. But he’s never going into the sea ever again. There are rows of widows, clutching at officers, crying, screaming, hugging each other close in despair over the news of their lost men. Most of them will receive only bad news. Poe will later learn that fifteen hundred people went into the water with him. There were twenty boats floating nearby, only one came back.

One.

Six were saved from the water, including him and Amelie. Four other people survived apart from them. Six out of fifteen hundred. Seven hundred people made it into the lifeboats. Afterwards the seven hundred people in the boats had nothing to do other than to wait. Wait to die. Wait to live. Wait for an absolution that would never come. 

Poe in his darkest moments thinks they all deserve that, and endless limbo as torture. 

Poe holds onto Amelia for hours before he knows how to talk again. He has forgotten what his voice sounds like.

“Are you hungry?”

“Yes.” She makes it sound easy to be human again, even though Poe feels like he’s drifting away, there is nothing to anchor him to the earth anymore. She makes it a little easier to remember how to function, even though everything has a distance to it and he feels like a robot.

They go looking for food. They get soup and bread, and they sit down by some women, sadness heavy on their faces. They eat in silence, but Amelie finishes her food and presses close to Poe, for comfort. He’s happy she’s there. He’s less lonely now. Hours pass again, Poe and Amelia speak a little, but mostly she hugs him close in silence. Trauma leaves marks. They carry both it with them now. 

Even later, when it’s still light out a woman rushes onto the deck, demanding to see someone in charge. 

“My daughter, has anyone seen my daughter?!”

“Ma’am. there is a list, you will have to wait just like everyone else. We know nothing more at the moment.”

She falls forward and clutches at the man.

“Please help me.” She begs, her face filling with tears. Poe gulps, the raw emotion of her cutting through to him. 

“Sorry Ma’am.”

She wails loudly.

“Mother.” Amelia says. Poe freezes. She’s sitting in his lap and he turns her around.

“What?”

“Mother.” She points. Poe looks between them. Could it be?

He gets up, gathers her up in his arms. It is worth a try. He walks forward.

“Excuse me Mrs.” He says. He doesn’t even know what Amelia’s last name is. The woman doesn’t hear and he tries again.

“Mrs.” He says a little louder, hoping to cut through to her. She turns and her eyes widen.

“Amelie? Amelie! Oh my God!” She rushes forward and collides with Poe’s body, her arms winding around her daughter. Poe is caught in the embrace and watches the reunion unfold.

“Oh my God. Amelie.” She steps back and touches her all over her face, like she can’t believe what she’s seeing.

“I looked everywhere, oh my God. I thought-”

“Poe saved me.” And Poe suddenly feels uncomfortable with the attention he’s now under.

“God bless you. God bless you.” She reaches for Poe and kisses both his cheeks.

“Thank you. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He gets out, trying to suppress his tears. She hugs him again, the small woman strong for being so small. She has dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Amelie has the same ones. 

“I don’t know how to thank you.” Poe just shaked his head.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to thank me.”

“Bless you, bless you.” She cups his cheek and he tries to smile, thinking it looks more like a terrible grimace. It all goes on for a little too long for his taste, and maybe he’s being rude and disrespectful, but this is getting to be too much to him. He’s incredibly relieved for them to have found each other again, it’s something worth cherishing. But he’s going to be alone now without Finn.

He will have to exist now only in his memory. 

The next day, the 15th of May Poe is standing by the railing. He’s been standing there for most of the journey, not sleeping or eating much. Just staring out at the sea, beautiful and scary at the same time. Poe thinks of his own life, much has been spent being an unhappy shell, existing only for the benefit of others. He’s lost and for each loss all that has been left is more emptiness to fill him up. Finn had lightened it up, all of the dead parts and now Poe is alive, because he promised. 

And now he is going to have to decide what to do with this life he’s been given. Is it really a second chance at everything if you don’t want what’s been given?

The deck of Carpathia is covered with huddled people, they seem to be like Poe. Not knowing what to do, many just sit and stare, very little talking going on. It is a strange thing to be alive and be so unhappy at the same time.

“You won’t find any of your people down here Sir. It’s all steerage.” A steward says. Poe slowly turns, sees Ben Solo and he turns back. He pulls the blanket over his head, covering himself up and looks in the other direction.

“Let me see for myself.” His voice is cold, telling you not to argue. A trick learnt from Palpatine. Poe doesn’t even care to know what’s happened to him, to them all. Ben walks down the stern and Poe slowly turns his body away, keeping his eyes glued to Ben as he moves around, bending down and taking people’s shawls off, uncovering their faces. He moves with a purpose, no one daring to step in. He’s confident, for someone who’s just witnessed a disaster. 

Ben finds him soon enough. He stops and takes Poe in. He doesn’t care what he looks like, he sees it all clear on Ben’s face.

“So you lived.” He stands by Poe, his hands in the pockets of a crumbled suit and a swollen nose. Poe gets only a small satisfaction of pleasure from it.

“I did.”

“Palpatine died. Drowned apparently.”

Poe doesn’t care. Does that make him into a horrible person?

“I will make sure to give my condolences at the funeral.” Ben chuckles darkly.

“And Finn?”

Poe doesn’t answer. Ben nods.

“Well, might have been for the best.”

Poe doesn’t have any fight left in him, no anger, no hatred, no nothing. A man that has been left a shell, emotions feeling like a distant concept.

“What do you want?” 

“Nothing, I guess.”

“Then leave.” He says coldly. He doesn’t have any time to spare Ben Solo anymore.

“Are you coming back?”

“I haven’t made up my mind.”

“I see.”

Poe doesn’t say anything. 

“I will leave a spot for you at the table. Palpatine wanted you there. I will do you that one favour.”

“Why?”

“Because...well because we used to be friends once. I owe you.”

“I don’t want you to owe me.”

“I know.”

“Good, now leave before I deck you on the nose again.” Ben’s lips quirks but he does Poe the favour and takes off, back to his own people and class. Back to his own life.

Poe has time on his hands now. Palpatine is dead which means he could be free, he could finally leave and never look back to the life he used to have. He could be someone else for a while. Give up the name of Dameron and go somewhere else than New York. He could do so much now, the question is where to start.

He is going to have to figure it out. Alone.

That evening they get into New York. It’s raining, the dripping soothing against his skin. He lets it wash over him, cleansing him. He should be cold out here like this, but the weather is mild this evening. A warm evening for May, but not surprising for New York. Carpathia goes past it then. The Statue of Liberty, regal and powerful, watching over them. In a different future Poe would have watched Finn see it for the first time, and what he would do in this moment to see his reaction. He can’t picture it because Finn was surprising. But even if he would have made a joke about it, or commended it, he would have been hopeful. Happy. He would have been ecstatic about it, wearing his black leather shoes, that are a little worn and a little wrinkled, but he would have worn them, proudly. And now those shoes are laying at the bottom of the sea, wasting away. In this all, in the big picture of it all, Finn will be lost. No one will ever know there was a man named Finn. A man named Finn that saved Poe in all the ways a human being can be saved. He doesn’t even have a photo of him.

Finn exists only in his memory now. 

A man approaches him, an officer in a blue uniform and an umbrella.

“Name, Sir?”

He looks up at the statue. He wishes he knew Finn’s last name, so he could take it. Carry a piece of him with him forever, become someone else. But he can’t. He is going to have to learn how to be him again, whatever that means.

“Poe, Poe Dameron.”

The man jots it down.

“Are you on your own?”

Poe wishes to be left alone.

“Yes.”

“They will set up a shelter for survivors when you get ashore. They told me.”

“Thank you.” Poe doesn’t care.

The man finally leaves and Poe watches the statue sail by, lonesome and powerful, strong and sad. How does one live a life not being sad.

Shortly after the ship come ashore. 

He goes through immigration, looking like someone else. He’s classified as a survivor, and he gets a pass in appearance. It’s the first time it happens to him, where no one is expecting or telling him to look the part. It doesn’t feel as good as he wished it would. He carries the blanket around him still, like a shield, as he and the rest fill up the surrounding streets. Back on land it’s madness. Several hundred police are keeping the mob back, the dock is full of ambulances, friends and relatives, spectators and the press. Their camera flashes go off like bombs, lighting up an amazing tableau for tomorrow’s papers. Many of the dazed immigrants flinch as the flashes go off. 

Poe looks away. The reporters and the photographers swarm them, hounding them with questions. Poe keeps his head down and walks on. It really is a media circus. A woman walks in front of him, and he huddles close, his face down and his eyes on his shoes. He hopes he isn’t recognised because he has nothing to say to anyone. There is a sudden disturbance in front of him, even he can’t ignore it. The woman in front of him cries in joy as two men burst through the crowd, another lost soul found. The media converge on the emotional scene, like moths to a flame, the flashing becoming unbearable and the voices too loud. Poe takes a step to the side, forced to stand still as he lets the commotions unfold. 

He pulls the blanket further over his head and looks up to the sky, trying to get a moment before he pushes through. He sighs and bounces his foot impatiently on the ground. It’s the first emotion he feels in days that isn’t sadness or numbness and it’s strange. The crowd is still prominent, faces swarming distortedly in front of him.

Poe stops breathing.

But then it’s gone. The face.

Poe takes a step into the crowd, his heart in his throat. He looks around frantically, trying to see through the hysteria. He sees nothing and thinks it must have been a figment of his imagination. He’s made it halfway through the crowd and starts to push determinedly on, wanting to get out of the crowd and into the anonymity of the streets. They have his name already, soon the whole of New York will learn that Poe Dameron is a survivor. He finally gets out of the crowd, the journalists not finding these parts as interesting any more. He walks to the left, where he sees EXIT in strong letters and picks up his pace.

Poe stops breathing again, the second time in less than five minutes. His whole world stops. The ground falling from underneath his feet and he stumbles. He sees him, as clear as the first time he saw him on B deck on theTitanic. He’s even wearing the same jacket he did that time.

“Finn?” He whispers. He shouldn’t be heard, his voice not carrying that far. And yet Finn looks up.

Finn looks up, their eyes meet.

Finn’s eyes widen. Poe can’t believe what he’s seeing. 

He moves before he knows what he’s doing. They orbit towards each other and Poe literally falls into the embrace.

“Poe. Poe Dameron?!” Finn says in disbelief. Poe clutches to him, afraid that if he lets go Finn will disappear. 

“Finn.” Poe breathes again, the name falling off his lips like a sob. 

“Poe.” 

Poe doesn’t want to take a step away, not now. Not ever. He feels Finn breath ghost along his neck and he closes his eyes just for a moment. He thought… he really did think that Finn was dead.

“I’m sorry I let go of your hand. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Shh it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.” Finn says and takes a step away. Poe’s arms fall away and they hang awkwardly by his side. He wants Finn to hold him for longer, doesn’t want to be without him ever again. 

“I thought you were dead Finn.”

“I thought the same about you. Fuck Poe. I couldn't find you. I feel like I searched everywhere.”

“How did you get out?”

“Beats me. I was nearly dead, hanging onto a barrel for dear life, and once they found me I passed out as soon as they got me on the boat. I’ve been asleep for over two days, sick with fever.”

Poe shakes his head. How the fuck did it happen like this? How has he spent so much time in close proximity to him and not knowing Finn’s been alive during it all.

“I really thought I’d lost you.”

“I know…” Finn says and looks sad. Poe wishes he could wipe it off his face. But this really is not the place. Poe opens his mouth-

“Poe Dameron!” He doesn’t have time to react. Rey walks up to him and slaps him hard across the face. He’s stunned and before he knows it she’s hugging him. Poe looks at Finn.

“You utter bastard. You are a lying son of a bitch, you know that?” Rey says angrily. Poe nods, too stunned to do or say anything. 

“You lied to my face. You told me Finn was with you, that this was his plan all along.”  
Poe touches his stinging cheek and Finn looks apologetic over Rey’s shoulder.

“Okay, I might have lied about it… all. But everything was very uncertain and well I wanted you to get out.”

Rey hugs him and Poe is so confused. Slaps and hugs, not how he thought the reunion would go.

“You, Poe Dameron are never ever allowed to save my life again. I will do worse damage than a slap next time.”

Finn chuckles.

“Duly noted.” He grunts. The thanks he gets.

“Also I have your name now. Rey Dameron, that is going to be in the press tomorrow. How awkward for you since Finn has it too now.”

Poe’s eyes widen and Finn actually blushes. Poe’s never seen it before. He’s surprised that he even knows how to.

“You what now?” He asks. Finn runs a hand through his hair.

“Right, well they asked for a name okay. I gave them Finn Dameron, it sounded fitting at the time. Also I thought you were dead.” Poe laughs and it sends Rey laughing shortly too. Finn glares at them, but his mouth twitches. He hugs them both and then he throws both his arms around their necks and starts walking away, further into the city.

“So, what now Damerons?”

Indeed, what now?

XXXX

Poe has an apartment. It’s lowkey, kept under wraps and hidden away. It’s situated in Brooklyn. No one knows about it, not even Leia. No one would look for him in Brooklyn, which is pretty stupid since New York isn’t that big, but so far he’s been left in peace in it. That’s where he takes Finn and Rey, they follow close behind him, a strange distance now between all of them. Their faces snap left and right as they try to take as much of the city in. Rey’s eyebrows rise when she sees the building. It’s in red brick, broken facade and bricks laying sporadically on the ground. It’s in bad shape, that’s why he picked it. He walks up the three flights of stairs and when he gets to the door Finn and Rey give him some more looks. It might look a little too much like he’s breaking in as he reaches down to the ledge and pulls out a broken piece of wood off the wall. Inside there is a small key. When he bought this place he was extremely paranoid that it would be found. He never even brought the key with him, just kept it hidden here so no one would find it. He opens the door, shoulders it open and steps in. He hasn’t been in here for almost a year. Mrs. Swan has kept the place up, cleaning from time to time and tending to some of his half dead plants. Rey and Finn step curiously inside, following close. It’s a small place. One bedroom, a small bathroom and a very tiny kitchen that barely fits a table. He bought the place for the living room. It’s open, big with windows overlooking the garden of the inhabitants. This is where he keeps his art. He ignores it and walks further into the apartment, but Finn and Rey both stop in the living room where the art is stocking up. Rey lets out a whistle.

“Damn…” Finn says awed. Poe walks into the bathroom, trying out the water. It works. The kitchen he ignores and he walks over to the cupboard where he has a spare set of pillows and a duvet. He gathers it up and walks back into the living room, the floor creaking with each step. Rey and Finn are immersed in the art, looking through the many paintings Poe has done over the years. The one corner of the room is where his art is, it partly works as his studio, and on the other end he has a couch and a table A little bit of segregation between the two. He puts it all down there, making it more comfortable. 

“Wow Poe.” Finn says softly and Poe looks up. Finn’s holding the painting of his mother, the one he did so many years ago from memory. She’s laughing in the sun in central park. Poe was eight years old and she had picked him up early from school so they could have lunch together. It’s one one his fondest memories of her. He hates the painting though, he never thought he could capture her well enough, and he’s never tried again after that one. It’s the only painting he has of his mother, one he did when he was drunk and miserable and full of regret. Poe doesn’t know what to say. There is a strange distance between him and Finn now. Palpable but not defined. 

“I’ll take the couch and you two can take my bedroom. The sheets should be clean.” He says and turns his back on them. He fluffs the pillow and starts taking off his shoes. The room is silent, tension high in the air. It takes Finn and Rey some time to move and when they leave Poe is alone again. He can’t remember the last time he slept in a bed, honestly, he can’t even remember the last time he slept at all. He didn’t catch one wink of sleep on board Carpathia, the simple concept of sleep not seeming like something he could do. New York is loud, it hasn’t taken him that long to forget just how awake and alive the city is. Even on his empty street he can’t escape it. He lies down on the couch and gets restless almost immediately, starts tossing and turning as soon as he tries for sleep. Well shit, why isn’t he exhausted? He should be, shouldn’t he? He thinks of Finn and him and how everything is strange and different now. He doesn’t understand why it is. 

But the sinking of Titanic seems to be playing a big part in it. Everything was different on board it, for starters, they had plans. But those plans seem small and stupid and unrealistic suddenly, like what they thought life would be like was a dream. And that dream has now been shattered by the harsh reality of screaming and almost drowning in the sea. Poe has never been a hopeful person, he’s never learnt how to be. But with Finn he got a glimpse of it, what it felt like to step into the light. Like always it doesn’t stay for very long, and now Poe doesn’t even know what to do, with himself, and with his life, but most importantly, with Finn. What is he going to do with Finn and him? He feels incredibly stupid, because getting off the boat with Finn and decide together what to do, that just didn’t happen. He doesn’t even know what Finn wants to do either, the distance and awkwardness clouding everything. 

He hears feet on the hardwood floor coming towards him. He sits up and pulls the duvet around his shoulders, his hands resting in his lap, awkward and a little scared.

It’s Finn, of course it is Finn. He’s in a white t-shirt and boxers and for the first time he is actually looking uncertain. He isn’t the only one then, Poe thinks. Finn scratches at his neck nervously and then he takes a slow stop forward.

“Hi.” Finn says.

“Hi.” But it’s not the same.

“Can I sit down?” Poe nods and moves to the left, keeping the duvet tucked around him. The couch dips as Finn sits down and he sighs. Poe doesn’t know where to begin, what to say and he’s scared what the outcome is going to be. 

“I love you.” Finn says, he sounds broken and Poe stops breathing.

Oh. That wasn’t what he thought Finn was going to say. 

“I love you, and I didn’t tell you. What a fucking idiot I am. I should have told you on Titanic.” He laughs, but it sounds more like a sob. Poe gets his ass into action. He moves forward and takes Finn’s hand in his.

“I know, I know you do.” He says gently. Finn shakes his head.

“What if you died and I didn’t tell you? I can’t believe I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s okay Finn.”

Finn turns towards him, their faces close and their knees touching. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, so much.” Poe says and leans forward, resting his forehead on Finn’s. Finn breathes heavily, like he’s crying, except no tears are coming out. 

“What do we do now?” Poe whispers. Finn shrugs and sits back a little, bringing his knuckles up and brushes them across Poe’s cheekbone. He starts trailing his face gently, his fingertips ghosting over Poe’s nose, his eyebrows, his jaw, gently over the bruise covering his left side, not touching too hard. His hand goes gently up to his hair and Poe leans into the touch. They don’t stay too long, the fingers stroking gently against his ear and then along his jaw again, towards the dip of his neck. The strangling marks are still there, even though it feels like a lifetime since Palpatine had done it. Finn is gentle and the feeling is soothing. Poe feels something settle back inside of him, the thing that was ripped loose ever since he let go of Finn’s hand and thought he’d seen the last of him.

“Whatever happens it will be okay. We will figure it out somehow.” Finn says and reaches forward. He stops.

“Can I please kiss you now?” Poe’s lip quirks and he nods. Finn does and it’s gentle and sweet and Poe clutches to Finn’s shirt in desperation. Not wanting to let him go again. The kiss stays slow, it’s mostly them breathing the same air, pressing their faces close together. Resting together. Belonging together in each other’s space. They sit like that for a while, pressing their lips together and resting their foreheads close.

“We should sleep.” Finn says and moves. For a moment Poe thinks he’s going back to the bedroom, but he moves behind Poe and pulls him down. He relaxes and settles against Finn, his head resting above his heart, listening to it steadily beat on. They cling to each other the whole night, not wanting the other to be far away, and somehow Poe manages to get some rest.

XXXX

Two days later Poe is rooting through the fridge. They are running out of food and all three of them have only had coffee today. They should go out for food, but none of them seem to have the energy. They’re all quiet, sullen and grief stricken, the sinking of Titanic is all over the city, none of them able to escape it all. All three of them are attempting to wrap their heads around it, trying to learn how to be human again. Poe’s stomach protests in hunger right now and he does think that it is a sign at least that he’s slowly becoming one again. He closes the fridge, disappointed that the food isn’t going to appear magically by his staring. There’s a sudden knock on the door, angry and loud. It rings through the apartment. He has a moment where he thinks it might be the press, they should have all found out he’s alive by now. But he shakes himself at the thought, there is no chance they would know how to find him here. The knocking doesn’t stop, instead it’s louder and even more persistent. Poe sighs. Humans open doors to people, that’s something they do. 

“Coming!” He shouts and makes his way to the door. He opens it and doesn’t have time to react before he gets slapped in the face for what feels like the 100th time. He touches his heating cheek and feels bad for his face.

“Poe Dameron!” Leia is furious and Poe gulps in embarrassment. Her hair is undone and it looks like she threw on the coat in a hurry, and she is not happy with him. He steps aside and lets her in. In her arms is Bee Bee, barking happily and wiggling his whole body, while simultaneously growling at him in anger. She hands him the dog and Poe gets absolutely attacked. He gets licked in the face and nibbled on at the same time.

“Hey Bee Bee.” He tries soothing the rabid dog but he doesn’t seem to be slowing down. They step into the living room where Finn and Rey immediately stand up, both of them looking a little guilty and uncomfortable.

“Two days Poe! Two days and you didn’t tell me you were alive.”

He puts Bee Bee down on the ground and the dog runs around him, barking and pulling at his trousers. He deserves that so he lets him be. He rubs at his neck in shame and bites at his lip.

“I’m sorry, I kind of just forgot.” He says, what a terrible excuse that is, even though it is the truth.

“Do you know how I found out you were alive? From the newspapers, it had your name listed amongst the survivors.” Leia snaps at him and Poe winces, though he deserves this reaction.

“I know, I’m sorry Leia. I did forget, I’ve been busy trying to figure out how to be a human again.” Which is definitely true for all three of them. Leia huffs and finally looks at Finn and Rey. Finn looks embarrassed. 

“Ah Finn, I’m glad to see you.” But she seems to mean that and it makes Finn relax. 

“I’m glad to see you too, wasn’t sure I would for a while.”

“Tell me everything please.” 

Poe makes them all some tea, because it’s the only thing they have left and they all start talking, getting their stories out. Rey had gotten on a boat easily enough and found Leia on board the Carpathia, Bee Bee had liked her immediately and Leia had trusted her then. They’d stayed together for the rest of the journey back and Rey had separated with her trying to find any news about Finn once she got on land. They found each other shortly before Poe had found them. Finn’s story is less detailed, he doesn’t remember much after he ended up in the water. Just the screams and the fighting for scraps to stay alive. He’d found a barrel and he’s convinced he would have died if he hadn’t gotten on top of it. He wasn’t wearing a lifewest. He was only found because the boat that came back almost went straight into him, the crew realising his eyes were still moving. He passed out and was in and out of it fighting down a fever for most of the time back on the boat. Once back on the Carpathia there was a doctor onboard that tended to him and the fever broke fairly quickly after that. Poe keeps his story brief, not wanting to think too much about the details, but tells them about Amelie and how she had kept him alive. 

After that Leia tells them that Palpatine, Hux and Luke all perished. Poe feels sad again, he wasn’t too close with Luke, but the man had been with him for the most part of growing up. He’ll miss him and his snarky comments. With Hux and Palpatine Poe barely feels anything for them, and he still wonders of that makes him into a bad person? Before she leaves Leia hugs Poe close to her and Poe says sorry about a million times before she snort and says that he needs to stop, she gets it. She winks to Finn and Rey and says she’ll see them all soon. He closes the door and rests his forehead against it, takes a moment and then turns back to Finn and Rey. 

“Should we be people again and do some food shopping?” He asks. Rey’s mouth quirks but both of them nod.

That evening they eat carrot soup and bread, sat together on the floor in the living room. The soup is done out of courtesy of Rey who musters up some energy after they come home from the store. The food is good even though Poe isn’t fully sure the tastes are registering in his head. But after the meal he feels better, some colour returning to them all. The walk to the store had been a struggle for all of them, especially for Poe who didn’t want to leave the safe space of the apartment. He could even see Finn struggle with the people and the noise as they walked to the store at the end of the corner. But they had done it, after living off scraps and not talking much for two days they did something other than wasting away. Poe hopes the rest starts to come more easier now too.

He takes the couch again that night and it doesn’t take long until Finn joins him too. They lay awake for a while, in each other's space and breathing the same air. It’s nice and grounding, listening to Finn’s heart reminds him to be alive. What it feels like to be alive, to have a beating heart. Hearts don’t lie Poe had heard a long time ago and he’s beginning to agree with that too. 

“What are your plans for America, you’ve finally made it here?” Poe asks as Finn strokes his hair. 

“My priorities might have shifted, well they shifted a long time ago. I met someone you see, he’s pretty incredible, unbelievably strong, ridiculously handsome of course, he has some baggage but don’t we all? Whatever the future holds for me, he’s definitely part of it.” 

Poe lifts his head up from Finn’s chest, can’t fully hide his blush at the words. Finn strokes his cheek and leans forward and kisses him gently.

“That doesn’t sound like a bad plan.”

“No it does not. I’ve had worse prospects.” Poe chuckles and shakes his head.

“You’re something else, aren’t you?”

“So I’ve been told.” Finn’s eyes mirthful and sparkling, alive, for a moment. Poe hopes he can continue making them look alive for the future. Poe smiles and strokes him over the cheek. 

“You’re staying then?” Poe thinks he hides the uncertainty he feels, but he can’t be sure. Finn grows serious.

“As long as you’ll have me.”

“Forever then?” It’s meant to be a joke but it feels serious. 

“I’d like that.”

“Me too.”

Forever with Finn is the best Poe’s ever going to get in his whole life. He knows that much. 

In the bedroom Rey lies asleep, on the end of the couch watching over them both is Bee Bee and by Poe’s side is Finn. It’s kind of perfect, his found little family that he’s going to get to keep.

Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay..... so this was long and emotional god, it took me ages to write it all because so much happens. I have an epilogue coming too so not fully done yet, but Poe and Finn are reunited because I couldn't kill any of them. I wanted them happy together haha. Okay you're all welcome to rant to me in the comments or on my tumblr, beeexx.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading <3 I have 3 chapters planned for this!


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